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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU- pulling someone up on snarky comments.

637 replies

Guttyyyyyyyyy · 02/06/2025 07:57

So I work and DH is retired. We have a dog. I work 4 days a week . On the days I work DH walks the dog in the morning and I walk it in the evening. My days off we swap it around.
There is a group of dog walkers that meet in the morning. One man thinks its hilarious to ask if Ive enjoyed my sleep in/ lazy day/ sending DH out while I relax ect.
every single time I see him. 2 years of me just ignoring him / saying I work ect.
I work in a unit that deals with palliative care. Yesterday was a bloody hard day.
So this morning he said it must be nice to laze about on a Sunday and send DH out so I let him have it with both barrels - told him ( in rough terms) what my day consisted of. That I was up and out by 6am. Long drive. The realities of my job.
He was silent. Got home and his wife has watsapped to say Ive upset him !@@.
AIBU to think he deserves it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Guttyyyyyyyyy · 02/06/2025 12:15

WhatDidIComeInThisRoomFor · 02/06/2025 12:12

This looks like an opportune time to suggest that this guy would be better off finding a new dog walking group … he was bad enough with your experience but what your friend told you makes him even worse!

Agreed.

OP posts:
PhilomenaPunk · 02/06/2025 12:14

Guttyyyyyyyyy · 02/06/2025 12:08

Yup.
Tedious racist misogynistic bullying dickhead.

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You should absolutely put this in the chat (if your friend is happy for you to do so). It would not surprise me if more women started sharing some of the other comments he will have no doubt made to them over the years. Bullies, racists and misogynists need to be called out.

Original poster
Guttyyyyyyyyy · 02/06/2025 12:13

Cavend · 02/06/2025 12:08

@Guttyyyyyyyyy

This. 100%. You say your DH agrees with you about giving this idiot both barrels, you don't know what he's said to the idiot (who sounds like a misogynist) and other members of the group, when you are at work.

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No. He thinks this man is an arsehole and always has done.
And I know what DH has said .

OP posts:
Katiesaidthat · 02/06/2025 12:13

PiggyPigalle · 02/06/2025 11:24

Funny!
( Mumsnet have removed the laugh emoji.)

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I know! They need to add it back, plus an "I´m horrified" one.

WhatDidIComeInThisRoomFor · 02/06/2025 12:12

This looks like an opportune time to suggest that this guy would be better off finding a new dog walking group … he was bad enough with your experience but what your friend told you makes him even worse!

LittleBitofBread · 02/06/2025 12:11

Boreded · 02/06/2025 08:59

Seems excessive, but I wasn’t in the situation. I feel for some men because I genuinely think some of them have no idea how to speak to women, but that all are tarnished because of those that are total asshats.

If I was in the situation myself, I would probably apologise to him next time I saw him, but explain why you reacted the way you did. If he apologises sincerely then all is well and he didn’t mean any harm, but if he doesn’t then you know that it is a casual friendship you don’t need to bother maintaining because he is a div

Here's the thing: speaking to women is not some big mystery; it's just like speaking to men. And if you're not sure what to say to an acquaintance, whatever their sex, the obvious thing is to ask them how they are or how their day was or something. That would have given the OP the opportunity to say a little bit about her job and how it had been tough, which (one hopes) would have helped him to see that he should not make stupid comments about her being lazy and sending her DP out.
And screw apologising, frankly. He's a grown adult; if he really doesn't know about small talk by now, that’s on him.

Rosscameasdoody · 02/06/2025 12:11

stayathomer · 02/06/2025 11:41

He obviously found his soul mate in his wife😅😅😅

Yep, his arsesoul mate !!

oldmanandtheangel · 02/06/2025 12:10

I work in a well known, huge retailer (huge as in worldwide, and its dimensions too..i easily walk 10-20 miles per shift)
The escalator going up into the main part of store has stairs next to it.
An elderly male customer was racing up the stairs while I was on the escalator and smugly informed me this is exactly why I'm overweight (I have a very painful medical condition as well as a hormonal disease, which causes this) I informed him I'd already been on my feet ten hours straight and he'd better stay away from me as I didn't want to lose my job by saying more....

Iloveyoubut · 02/06/2025 12:10

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 02/06/2025 11:49

Quite right.
Like fuck would they be different.
She'd have her arse handed to her.

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My thoughts exactly!

Nominative · 02/06/2025 12:10

TheOriginalEmu · 02/06/2025 08:39

I really don’t understand situations like this. You’ve laughed it off this long then exploded in irritation. From your perspective this has been a long time coming, but from his you’ve been fine and laughing all along and have suddenly turned on him. All of this could have been avoided if you just politely said ‘XX I appreciate you’re only joking, but I am actually at work doing s stressful sometimes upsetting job, I am not having a lie, I’m working. Now let’s please leave it there?’, two years ago!

maybe it’s a ND thing, but people just don’t say what they mean and that’s very confusing to me.

OP doesn't suggest she laughed it off, though, does she? She says she has been either ignoring him or replying to say she had been at work. You have to be pretty exceptionally thick-skinned not to pick up from that that, at the very least, she isn't finding it funny, and that repeatedly accusing someone who has in fact been at work of being lazy is really quite rude. It really shouldn't have been any surprise, and if it was, perhaps he needs to have a think about who else he may have been offending, and why he has been only doing this to women.

Mfesdq · 02/06/2025 12:09

What kind of a person would marry him?

MrTiddlesTheCat · 02/06/2025 12:08

Another group member has just told me that the reason she hasn't been for weeks is that he kept asking her if her sis in law was a ladyboy because the sis in law is from the Phillipines.
He is just a twat.

A racist twat.

Cavend · 02/06/2025 12:08

Depte · 02/06/2025 08:18

I reckon it’s your DH whinging to him

@Guttyyyyyyyyy

This. 100%. You say your DH agrees with you about giving this idiot both barrels, you don't know what he's said to the idiot (who sounds like a misogynist) and other members of the group, when you are at work.

Original poster
Guttyyyyyyyyy · 02/06/2025 12:08

NiceoneSonny · 02/06/2025 12:07

Fucking hell. Not just a bully, then, but a racist bully.

Yup.
Tedious racist misogynistic bullying dickhead.

OP posts:
NiceoneSonny · 02/06/2025 12:07

Fucking hell. Not just a bully, then, but a racist bully.

oldmanandtheangel · 02/06/2025 12:06

Yep, absolutely you were restrained.

Original poster
Guttyyyyyyyyy · 02/06/2025 12:05

WilfredsPies · 02/06/2025 11:25

@Boreded
Well aren’t you the lucky one?! Today, you have learnt that it is not a nice thing to do to make the same tedious ‘joke’ to someone every day for two years, about something you know nothing about, and that if you do so, that person is eventually going to snap and say something very rude to you.
And you haven’t even had to be shouted at to learn that lesson.

OP, I think you were very restrained to have kept your patience with him for this long. And I think your friend is great. I doubt it will sink in because people like that are always going to think of themselves as the victim of the piece because the alternative is to admit that they’ve been a complete twat. I think he’ll probably adopt the attitude that he was only being friendly and that you couldn’t take a joke. But hopefully, your response will have been enough to make him keep his distance from you in the future.

Exactly, its like you've met him!
Another group member has just told me that the reason she hasn't been for weeks is that he kept asking her if her sis in law was a ladyboy because the sis in law is from the Phillipines.
He is just a twat.

OP posts:
Vaxtable · 02/06/2025 12:00

I would WhatsApp back he has upset me for the last two years with his pathetic non joke. Perhaps he needs to think about how he engages with people

BIossomtoes · 02/06/2025 11:59

He absolutely deserved it. You must have the patience of a saint to have waited so long.

katseyes7 · 02/06/2025 11:57

'She's very nervous about walking the dog on her own'.
Not so nervous about challenging a woman who's been bothered by her husband whilst hiding behind a screen, though....

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 02/06/2025 11:49

Iloveyoubut · 02/06/2025 11:19

Would they? I actually don’t find that to be true in my experience if Mumsnet.

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Quite right.
Like fuck would they be different.
She'd have her arse handed to her.

HappenstanceMarmite · 02/06/2025 11:47

I bloody hate misogynistic behaviour as displayed by women. WTF has it got to do with Wifey anyway?! She’s the sort that, if her grotesque bore of a husband were to cheat, would come out guns blazing for the “other woman”. She’d say that the OW lured him away with her wiles, the poor man. Pathetic.

sweetsandsour · 02/06/2025 11:46

So not only does he just make rude comments only to women but he can’t fight his own battles and gets his wife to fight them for him!

Unbelievable 😤

NiceoneSonny · 02/06/2025 11:46

That man is a bully, and bullies are always very sensitive to being upbraided on their own bad behaviour. Good for you, @Guttyyyyyyyyy for standing up to him. His wife in a knob.

MumWifeOther · 02/06/2025 11:46

F him and his wife. I would probably say so too.