AIBU- pulling someone up on snarky comments.

The only person who needs to be apologising here is the misogynist, racist twonk who has spent two years attacking the OP.

My menopausal rage is triggered these days every time I see the words "be kind" or "be the bigger person" because they are essentially another way of saying "women, prioritise men and their feelings and put yourselves last".

Great replies from both you and your friend.

The misogynistic twat should be apologising to you. Instead he's gone crying to his mummy. They're both arseholes.

Jesus Christ. I'm so sorry that happened to you. Fuck that disgusting cunt and his idiot girlfriend.

@Guttyyyyyyyyy simply reply fuck off

Totally agree!

The man's an arse! Well done for setting him straight.

I think menopausal rage is useful because it brings into sharp relief all the nonsense we've been putting up with our whole lives, and which we're not willing to accept anymore.

Omg this is giving me the rage. She told him she had a job. Making the same fucking sexist joke a second time after being told she had a job was an arsehole move, never mind repeatedly for YEARS. Why should she pander to his feelings saying things like "I know you don't mean anything by this"? He bloody did mean something by it! He very clearly did! Otherwise he'd have said "oh whoops, I didn't realise! I assumed you were alternating lie ins!" the very first time. And then he'd have never said it again.

Well done OP!

It really winds me up that some men will be arseholes to woman as we’ve been socially conditioned to “be nice”.

This twat clearly needed putting in his place!

I hope he leaves the group and the other lady rejoins.

He definitely deserved it and in your position I would be messaging his wife and telling her just what absolutely shit he has been! These people who think they can pick on other people really piss me off! Hope you’re ok OP……..keep doing what you’re doing, not everyone can work in palliative care 💐

Funny how he is interested in kindness NOW. OP you showed incredible restraint to be so tolerant for so long, and I think the reality is there’s not a way in which you could have worded it that wouldn’t have “hurt his feelings” because the issue isn’t what you said, it’s the fact that you had the temerity to even say it. He’s hurt that his words have had consequences for him. He liked it all so much better when he could say whatever he liked, unkindly , with no repercussions. If you’d tried more gently he wouldn’t have got the message, nor does he deserve your ongoing patience and consideration.

Same sex couple - two men

They're doing the same as OP and her husband

The twatface who's been bullying the OP never says anything like this to the men in the group, only the women

I haven’t said she shouldn’t protect her boundaries. I said that she should’ve clearly articulated her boundaries months ago, rather than just ignoring his comments or ambiguously replying that she works.

She should’ve have told him months ago that she dislikes the comments.

He absolutely deserved this. He wasn’t just rude but also incredibly sexist to minimise - or in this case, completely disregard - a woman’s job, even though OP says she told him repeatedly she works. How dare he? He would never have made the comments to a man. I’m only amazed OP didn’t lose her temper before now. His wife should be embarrassed for him, not defending him. Both should apologise to OP. What a wholesale twat and wifey no better.

Why is it when women calmly explain something theyre painted as having an anger problem/a personality disorder/mentally unwell.

women who paint other women protecting their boundaries and their peace like this are part of the problem

oh my god where is the laughing emoji...

Oh he was annoying and exist but no reason to call him out, he's obviously sensitive .

Diddums.

Apologise? seriously?

Because ‘the problem’ is male misogyny, and at the time of me posting, this person was simply stupid - obviously further posts have shown he is more than just stupid, and is in fact part of the problem

Eh, he'll get over it. I wouldn't waste time worrying about it, to be honest. Maybe things will be a bit chilly between you and this couple, but it sounds like you won't miss their company much. Possibly some of the others who were present or hear about it through the grapevine will think you were a bit too harsh (though some others may have smacked their lips over it). They too will most likely get over it in very short order.

Yes that post is a bit potty. How can the person at fault not be (part of) the problem? Odd assertion. He is the full problem.

I think you’re in the wrong slightly, where our been ignoring it or just saying you work. And then completely exploding. You should said ages ago “John, I know you don’t mean anything by this, but I work in an incredibly emotionally demanding job, and I find comments like this upsetting, so can you please give it a rest”.

Setting it out clearly years ago would have saved you both here.

Bollocks to that.

Good for you!!! 👏🏼

He must be a wimpy man to go home crying to his mummy wife to the point that she felt the need to scold you for hurting his feelings. He also must be rather stupid if he didn't pick up on your irritation all the other times you've corrected him. He meant it as a joke, but you clearly didn't find it amusing. Well, now maybe he'll finally have received the message.

Maybe she should tell her husband to be kind instead. And yes, it's good that he got upset. Shouldn't dish it out if he can't take it back

I think you did well to bite your tongue for 2 years! Well done on speaking up for yourself. He definitely deserved it!

I think you should have done exactly what you did, but after the third time he made the "joke" at the LATEST. It doesn't sound like you were even rude about it.
HOW is there still someone saying "oh he's not that bad" after literal years of blatant misogyny and racism? Bizarre.