AIBU- pulling someone up on snarky comments.

Did his wife message you in the main whatsapp group telling you that you had upset her DH and everyone else could see it?

I presumed she had messaged you privately and then put a 'public' message up saying 'Be kind'. If this is what happened I don't understand how your other friend replied saying that her DH would never have made his quips to another man?

If his wife messaged the entire group saying that you had upset her DH then I would reply in turn with what you have written here........

I gave him the full, unvarnished lowdown on what I was actually doing yesterday, nothing more.

way too much effort to have gone to Op
Will go in one ear and out the other

2 years of this? Presumably you’ve mentioned lots of time to your DH, and he’s never been inclined to tell the fool to stop being so disrespectful (and wrong) and his wife?

Misplaced attempts at humour are best ignored - provide no reaction payoff regardless of the person's motivation.

I would just treat him like an outsider in my life which is what he is to you and just say ‘yeah lovely’ blah blah. I don’t think I would let this wind me up.

1. youve been curt a few times and he’s winding you up so stop giving a reaction
2. hes just trying to be polite and speak to you, perhaps he just doesn’t really know what to say? So just say oh yeah, whatever…

No, I am saying she has had 2 years to pull him up on it. I don’t know why she has let it go on that long. It’s obviously been bothering her, I don’t know why she just ignored it until he has pushed her over the edge. She should have called him out ages ago.

Are you saying OP mist at all times be rational, logical, emotionally equable - but this man can behave as rudely, offensively, cruelly whenever he likes? And before you say anything about taking the moral high ground - no. It doesn’t work with men like this. They don’t know what it is. They speak only one language: racist, misogynistic garbage.

Don't waste one minute feeling you may have been unreasonable in pulling him up. If that is what he uses as his opening remark to greet people, he need to work on some new material.

Well we will never know because it is never women who make these crass comments.

Well done @Guttyyyyyyyyy and yes, I’d have replied to his wife saying similar, too “he’s been making inappropriate comments every time, after having asked him to stop he has carried on and I’ve had enough. It’s notable that he only pulls this stunt with women and none of us should have to put up with it, I realise you’ve only heard his side and I understand you backing him up but you weren’t there and he needs to stop.”

Bloody agree.
I hate all this you can't say anything bullshit.

Yes you can. You can chat about many, many things

What they mean is oooh, men just can't say insulting, sexual or demanding things can they? Poor men. No idea what they can say to women if they can't talk about their juicy melons any more.

Fuck off.
Fuck right off.
Fuck off as far as anyone's ever fucked off before.
Then fuck off some more.

Awwww poor man and his hurtee feelings!

I agree with this, for two years you have ignored him and haven’t said anything to him about his bad humour other than you work. He greets you in his usual annoying way and then he gets both barrels after you have had a bad night which he is not going to know. In the last two years either you or your husband could have told him that you don’t appreciate the lazy comments. Instead you have just exploded.

I don't know you, but I'm proud of you. You do a very difficult job why should you let this sexist twerp undermine you when you're just trying to walk your dog? He's a twat and you're a star

Well done OP, although how you managed to stay calm during two years of negging is remarkably impressive! I’d have been very blunt to his face much sooner in the proceedings as I am ND and don’t ever feel the need to “be kind” to male twats.

And as for the other poster… “the fact he is so upset his wife is standing up for him he must be very sensitive”

I can only assume they’re on a wind up because surely no-one in real life is that dim? 😳🤣🤣

What an insensitive, ignorant dickhead. Sounds like he deserves what he got. Him being 'upset' is NOT your problem.

I bet you wouldn’t have spoken like that if a woman had made the same joke.

This man is why women everywhere are googling how to make Beef Wellington

I think by the sounds of it you have been incredibly patient. As soon as he had done this more than once I would have said I did not appreciate the tone or wording of what he was saying. I am none too impressed with his wife either who seems to be a bit of enabler for his behaviour. She rings you saying you have hurt his feelings....

Of my goodness, what a twat. Not only is he rude, socially unaware, sexist and a pathetic coward who runs home to complain to his wife. He is also racist.
It's a very good thing that you stood up to him. Hopefully, the whole group will put a stop to his 'hilarious' comments now.

Fuck him. What a moron. Also getting his wife to speak up for him is pathetic!

Good for you @Guttyyyyyyyyy. You have been exceptionally patient. Most people would have said something long before you did.

I had this one of my hobby groups. Man making nasty comments to women - never to men!
In the end the (male) leader of the group emailed him and told him he wasn't welcome back if he continued. That was a couple of months ago and he hasn't been back since. It had to be done as he was creating a bad atmosphere.

Be Kind = middle class for STFU

The rude asshole should clearly STFU a bit more often.

Got to echo that last sentence, OP. Distance is everything.

You did well, but in future remember the words of the great English writer Quentin Crisp - to avoid unnecessary drama, keep your dealings with others to a pleasantly scant minimum! I only join whatsapps for people I know very well, or people from my own ethnic community/cultural background. English people on the whole, as Crisp once said, have a tendency to be passive aggressive bullies. The random middle aged/older ones you meet in dog walking communities can be cliquey, small minded oddballs and the last people you want to be overly tolerant or friendly with.

Try to nip them in the bud in future. The repeated jokes are a form of boundary crossing and white men in particular love that indirect form of harassment 'cos they can flip the switch and play victim when you call them out. You have to step to them and shut it right down so they know that you know what they're all about and won't be played.

insert it into him sideways?😊