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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU- pulling someone up on snarky comments.

637 replies

Guttyyyyyyyyy · 02/06/2025 07:57

So I work and DH is retired. We have a dog. I work 4 days a week . On the days I work DH walks the dog in the morning and I walk it in the evening. My days off we swap it around.
There is a group of dog walkers that meet in the morning. One man thinks its hilarious to ask if Ive enjoyed my sleep in/ lazy day/ sending DH out while I relax ect.
every single time I see him. 2 years of me just ignoring him / saying I work ect.
I work in a unit that deals with palliative care. Yesterday was a bloody hard day.
So this morning he said it must be nice to laze about on a Sunday and send DH out so I let him have it with both barrels - told him ( in rough terms) what my day consisted of. That I was up and out by 6am. Long drive. The realities of my job.
He was silent. Got home and his wife has watsapped to say Ive upset him !@@.
AIBU to think he deserves it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Guttyyyyyyyyy · 02/06/2025 16:48

Im also aghast at the posters who think that being a racist, misogynistic arsehole is totally fine as long as you own a penis. Baffling.

OP posts:
JohnTheRevelator · 02/06/2025 16:47

He deserved it. Good on you!

Missohnoyoubetterdont · 02/06/2025 16:47

Hardgum · 02/06/2025 16:45

As an aside… HRT patches… game changer for dealing with rages!

…a good menopausal rage directed at the right person for the right reason is very cathartic.

Original poster
Guttyyyyyyyyy · 02/06/2025 16:46

Hardgum · 02/06/2025 16:42

oh I’d love to attend tomorrow morning’s walk 😆

I cant wait, its a 7am one tomorrow. Though now he has left the watsapp group I doubt he will be there.
I am a bit bemused by the poster who seems to think that my DH should have had a word- I haven't been raging about it to him for years, Ive mentioned it once or twice.

OP posts:
VickiFromAmsterdam · 02/06/2025 16:46

Guttyyyyyyyyy · 02/06/2025 08:03

Thank you. I was slightly worried that my menopausal rage had taken over. DH agrees with you all . She has just put a message on the watsapp group #Be Kind.
Oh the irony 🙄

All I can say is if you’re meno he’s very lucky that you didn’t kill him 😗 I know, I’ve been there.

thepariscrimefiles · 02/06/2025 16:46

LittleMG · 02/06/2025 16:12

I would just treat him like an outsider in my life which is what he is to you and just say ‘yeah lovely’ blah blah. I don’t think I would let this wind me up.

  1. youve been curt a few times and he’s winding you up so stop giving a reaction
  2. hes just trying to be polite and speak to you, perhaps he just doesn’t really know what to say? So just say oh yeah, whatever…
I think all you’ve done is upset a neighbour it’s not made either life any better has it, you’ve got to walk past him on your walk and instead of a pleasant exchange you’ve got awkwardness. Well I can only imagine I’d feel awkward maybe you don’t care.

Do you really think that this man is just trying to be polite and doesn't really know what to say? This man has driven another dog walker away by asking her every time he sees her if her sister in law is a lady-boy because she is from the Philippines. Is that sort of racist comment polite?

Some posters are bending over backwards to make excuses for this misogynistic and racist twat.

Hardgum · 02/06/2025 16:45

As an aside… HRT patches… game changer for dealing with rages!

Hardgum · 02/06/2025 16:42

oh I’d love to attend tomorrow morning’s walk 😆

KateShugakIsALegend · 02/06/2025 16:42

pimplebum · 02/06/2025 13:56

I also think you over reacted , he was annoying and sexist as he would not have said all that bollocks to your oh but
you could have drawn on all your skills to say something assertive but kind to get him to stop
the fact he is so upset his wife is standing up for him he must be very sensitive

be the bigger person and apologise for

“ giving it to him both barrels” like you said menopause and work stress made you lose your cool

Nope.

We don't have to pander to twats.

Just my view, ofc.

Missohnoyoubetterdont · 02/06/2025 16:42

LittleMG · 02/06/2025 16:12

I would just treat him like an outsider in my life which is what he is to you and just say ‘yeah lovely’ blah blah. I don’t think I would let this wind me up.

  1. youve been curt a few times and he’s winding you up so stop giving a reaction
  2. hes just trying to be polite and speak to you, perhaps he just doesn’t really know what to say? So just say oh yeah, whatever…
I think all you’ve done is upset a neighbour it’s not made either life any better has it, you’ve got to walk past him on your walk and instead of a pleasant exchange you’ve got awkwardness. Well I can only imagine I’d feel awkward maybe you don’t care.

He knows what he is saying and he would only dare say that to a woman. This is bullying albeit low-key underhand bullying. Women put up with this kind of crap, in its many different forms, all their lives. They are taught to ‘be nice’ , not cause a fuss, take it as a joke, ignore it, put up with it. The minute a woman stands up for herself we have a bus load of other women sticking up for the poor helpless man who has ‘had his feelings hurt.’ Maybe, just maybe if people are called out for this passive aggressive bullshit directed at women then they will think twice about doing it to other women and slowly, very slowly men will realise how to behave properly.

Hardgum · 02/06/2025 16:42

Guttyyyyyyyyy · 02/06/2025 16:39

Exactly, he has only said it to me. DH doesn't engage with him much as he thinks he is an arsehole.

Show quote history

I think that if someone was pissing my husband off for 2 years by making a comment about being lazy, when I knew he was a palliative nurse at work 4 days a week…. I would have said something.

Original poster
Guttyyyyyyyyy · 02/06/2025 16:40

......and Annoying Fucker has left the Watsapp group.

OP posts:
Hardgum · 02/06/2025 16:40

Guttyyyyyyyyy · 02/06/2025 16:38

Unlike Annoying Fucker I don't expect my spouse to fight my battles for me.

Show quote history

I’m not talking about you

I can’t believe that your dh never, in 2 years, seeing him 4x a week and knowing how much it infuriates you - that he never felt inclined to say “your inane and inaccurate comments to my wife need to stop

thepariscrimefiles · 02/06/2025 16:40

Hardgum · 02/06/2025 16:19

I gave him the full, unvarnished lowdown on what I was actually doing yesterday, nothing more.

way too much effort to have gone to Op
Will go in one ear and out the other

2 years of this? Presumably you’ve mentioned lots of time to your DH, and he’s never been inclined to tell the fool to stop being so disrespectful (and wrong) and his wife?

Well it hasn't gone in one ear and out the other because he has complained to his wife who has contacted OP about how upset he is.

I doubt it took OP much effort to tell him what she really thought about his constant misogynistic and disrespectful comments. I'm sure it was extremely cathartic.

Daleksatemyshed · 02/06/2025 16:40

They always say bullies are cowards and it's true with him alright, finally gets told off and he runs home to whinge to his wife. Hopefully he'll take the hint and take his dog out by himself in future.

Original poster
Guttyyyyyyyyy · 02/06/2025 16:39

Hardgum · 02/06/2025 16:30

DH hasn’t ever heard him make this “joke”? Only happens on the day he doesn’t walk the dogs?

Edited
Show quote history

Exactly, he has only said it to me. DH doesn't engage with him much as he thinks he is an arsehole.

OP posts:
Original poster
Guttyyyyyyyyy · 02/06/2025 16:38

Hardgum · 02/06/2025 16:19

I gave him the full, unvarnished lowdown on what I was actually doing yesterday, nothing more.

way too much effort to have gone to Op
Will go in one ear and out the other

2 years of this? Presumably you’ve mentioned lots of time to your DH, and he’s never been inclined to tell the fool to stop being so disrespectful (and wrong) and his wife?

Unlike Annoying Fucker I don't expect my spouse to fight my battles for me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Guttyyyyyyyyy · 02/06/2025 16:37

Sunnyevenings · 02/06/2025 16:22

Did his wife message you in the main whatsapp group telling you that you had upset her DH and everyone else could see it?

I presumed she had messaged you privately and then put a 'public' message up saying 'Be kind'. If this is what happened I don't understand how your other friend replied saying that her DH would never have made his quips to another man?

If his wife messaged the entire group saying that you had upset her DH then I would reply in turn with what you have written here........

Show quote history

The friend that replied on the watsapp group was there when it happened so knew why the #BeKind was put on and that it was aimed at me.

OP posts:
Hardgum · 02/06/2025 16:36

Your DH sees this chap 4 times a week, annd has done so for 2 years, and knows how annoyed you are with him, and has never thought to say…. “Could you stop with the inane and inaccurate comments to my wife when you next see her”?

HiRen · 02/06/2025 16:35

Sagepage · 02/06/2025 16:11

No, I am saying she has had 2 years to pull him up on it. I don’t know why she has let it go on that long. It’s obviously been bothering her, I don’t know why she just ignored it until he has pushed her over the edge. She should have called him out ages ago.

Show quote history

You don’t need to know, and neither does he. As the person on the receiving end of harm, rather than the doling out end of harm, she is at liberty to let it go on for as long as she likes, and for whatever reason. I suspect it’s because she likes to give people leeway, benefit of doubt - but it could have been because, I don’t know, she just isn’t made of steel and shuns conflict. That’s her right. She doesn’t owe her “aggressor” anything. She certainly doesn’t owe him equable and fair treatment, or a logical path to ending the offence he’s causing her. After all, has he extended any of these courtesies to her? Why should she do unto other as she would have them do unto her, when it’s been proven over two whole years that he will not do unto her as she has been consistently doing unto him?

Original poster
Guttyyyyyyyyy · 02/06/2025 16:35

LittleMG · 02/06/2025 16:12

I would just treat him like an outsider in my life which is what he is to you and just say ‘yeah lovely’ blah blah. I don’t think I would let this wind me up.

  1. youve been curt a few times and he’s winding you up so stop giving a reaction
  2. hes just trying to be polite and speak to you, perhaps he just doesn’t really know what to say? So just say oh yeah, whatever…
I think all you’ve done is upset a neighbour it’s not made either life any better has it, you’ve got to walk past him on your walk and instead of a pleasant exchange you’ve got awkwardness. Well I can only imagine I’d feel awkward maybe you don’t care.

Nope.
We all meet at a local beach to let our dogs off lead. Not a neighbour.

OP posts:
EdgarAllenRaven · 02/06/2025 16:33

I don’t understand why you didn’t put him right 2 years ago though..? Maybe he would have stopped sooner, or did he know you worked this whole time..?

spoonbillstretford · 02/06/2025 16:30

I agree with you, OP and admire your restraint, I'd have put him straight about the second time he said it. And that's because I don't always react on the spot to things (takes a while to sink in sometimes when someone has been snarky) and mull it over after.

Hardgum · 02/06/2025 16:30

Guttyyyyyyyyy · 02/06/2025 08:22

It absolutely isnt, DH is a fantastic support and is hopping mad at him.

Show quote history

DH hasn’t ever heard him make this “joke”? Only happens on the day he doesn’t walk the dogs?

Original poster
Guttyyyyyyyyy · 02/06/2025 16:27

Differentforgirls · 02/06/2025 14:07

One of the people on here blaming the husband!

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Hear hear.

OP posts:
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