To say it’s stressful havivg a beautiful daughter?

AnnaQuayintheUK DM had big boobs and a small back! Hated going to work on the tube(1940s left School at 14 then) Leered at by vile men trying to squeeze against her, or who would stare at her openly .Thankfully took after DF with a wide back and a medium chest

Unfortunately some men are creeps and will leer at any female but especially a young one. When my eldest was about 13 I can remember my DH actually calling someone out for staring at her. He asked what he thought he was looking at. Bloke looked embarrassed and moved away but doubt it would have the same effect if I said it and DD would probably be mortified.
I don't actually know if it would help in real life but she is a brown belt in kickboxing so I always hope she'd be able to defend herself if someone went too far.
She mostly ignores the creeps to be fair. She normally only goes out with friends or family and I suspect when they're in a group it's easy to just laugh at the creeps.
But I do agree that it makes my blood boil when I see older men perving at her. Fucking sick but unfortunately nothing new.

In terms of men staring, I’m not sure her beauty makes a huge difference. I’m only average looking but remember my Mum commenting on men looking at me from about the age of 12 or 13 or so (I was oblivious). As soon as your hips swell out and breasts start to form (they don’t even have to be big - I think I was a B cup then) , girls seem to count as “mature” enough for some men to start looking. I’m sure they excuse it as “only looking” though.

But I’m sorry about the older men chatting her up, that’s even creepier- perhaps she needs to start practicing her “ I’m only 16/17” combined with a hard stare. Although that’s only going to help for another year or so, bless her. I remember being creeped out and panicked by it too. I tended to turn bright red and flee asap (I remember literally running out of a pub once 🤣). Hope your daughter learns to deal with it better than me, maybe it is even harder or at least happens more regularly if you are beautiful.

Not her whole story. Nothing outing. You work in safe guarding, you surely know it’s not a rare situation one child is abused my frequently when around abusers.
I won’t be replying anymore.
You can believe what you like.

You tried to fit what limited information I shared first your tedious troll hunting narrative. You said about the child being removed etc when I at no point said that.

you feel free to think it’s fake, I’ll feel free to think you need some drama of your Monday morning.

So what is your relationship with the child then? Don’t be shy. You’ve just told her whole story on a public forum. So do tell us.

I could have written that. Exactly the same with me and my sister. I've never to my knowledge been leered at and I'm guessing it's a) because I'm flat cheated and b) just fairly plain. It was different for my sister who I remember being reduced to tears when she was 17 by a bunch of builders.

There absolutely is such a thing as pretty privilege, but that's a different issue.

This is a problem that cannot be solved by encouraging girls/women to feel victimised. Men will always look at women. There will always be some men with no self-awareness who don't detect when that is not welcome. We can all work to develop a society where men have greater sensitivity - although I think normal young men are very sensitive to that already (I have sons in their twenties) and it's the problem men who aren't being reached with that message, the problem men who will always exist because they are immune to the messaging. The only way to deal with "looks" and "leering" is to teach resilience. The worst thing you can do is claim vulnerability and because that's not teaching them anything useful. They should know that those types are generally to be pitied and outcast from society, not feared.

You know absolutely nothing about this situation. You’re a tedious bore wanting to throw in your job.
You truly need a life if you think that would be made up.

I have been in this situation too. My kids are mixed race and (though I say it myself, lol) very good looking. I had a real issue with men and women leering at them - skanky old cougars eyeing up DS when he was a teenager and men shamelessly ogling DD when she was well underage.

I had one moment of revenge when DD was 12. We were in a train together and a man sitting opposite blatantly stared at her, looking her up and down. She was innocently unaware. Then I said something to her and she smiled, revealing a mouthful of train tracks! I looked over at leery man and the expression on his face was priceless 🤣

Yes it is victim blaming. Would you also tell a baby to cover up or an elderly women to cover her ankles? Because both are raped by men.

Yes, yes it still is.

As I said, what would your reaction be if "other dad's and occasionally unknown men" said that about your 12 year old daughter?

Double standards are rife on these posts.

Agree with you, the only thing I think you can do is help her with things to say that get the message home of not being interested in sleazy men when they try it on.

Your example is why I don't think there is such a thing as 'pretty privilege'.

My niece get this from builders. My brother told her that she needed a good comeback. She said she has several that work very effectively!

To be honest op I was getting leered at and chatted up by men from the age of 12/13. I definitely wasn’t beautiful just a very average teenager.

It’s quite scary how m n were then it all stopped once I reached my mid 20s.

I can only conclude that a lot of men are into children/very young women.

Depressing to know that it’s still going on. I used to be blamed for ‘looking older’ or the way I dressed. But I can clearly distinguish a teen girl even if they’re wearing tiny shirts and cropped tops.

When you’re young men harass you whatever you wear.

Im neither.

oh please don't. Don't ever say that girls should look at how they dress/act/look before addressing the fact that the issue is with MEN! It's like saying 'ah well, she deserved that sexual assault because she wore make up and a short skirt and was out after dark'. I thought we'd gone beyond all that now.

Safety would include teaching your sons to not ogle/letch at girls/women 'just because they are there', rather than trying to tell other mums to teach their daughters how to behave/dress! christ sake. 😡

My DD19 is tall; has always been tall for her age so possibly people thought she was older than she was. Feminine, graceful, pretty standard in the looks department, barely ever wears makeup, always in baggy jeans/trousers, slim blah blah. Since she was 11/12, I'd clock the letchy/leery middle age blokes side eyeing her. Made me want to vomit.

So should I have dressed her in sack cloth @dustydvd ?

You made it up? If they ended up in you care why on earth are you sharing the story on a public forum? I take it you are a family member or foster carer? So it’s that’s the case then you’ve just broken GDPR rules.

You have to teach her how to cope with it. Beautiful or not, because it happens anyway, not just to the select few - it happens to the overwhelming majority. It's a fact that you cannot change that men look at women, sometimes in a very unwelcome way. The only thing you can change is her ability to cope with it, resilience, her self-belief in what is right. You sound traumatised by it and to be honest, that isn't a good start and something you should deal with so that you don't give her that message.

@Catinthereallysmallhat implying what? Why the hell would anyone make a story up about that. Good grief. Get a grip of yourself. It’s literally a discussion forum. People use it to discuss.

Quite the story you painted there

Not excusing this at all, obviously, but l am old, when I was young 14 ish I had large boobs. However I looked like a child with big boobs (hair in bunches etc) and I got unwanted attention. Nowadays girls of 12 look 18, and OF COURSE its pervy for guys to leer at them, but if I was mother to a 12 year old (I have boys) I simply would advise them about the way they look/act/dress. And it may be victim blaming but surely safety is the paramount concern?