DH has moved out

In my experience, people who omit info are hiding something. She probably knows people will hang her out to dry as she has clearly c**ked up.

Let's hope they don't hit any hardship financilly as it sounds as if the money cow is dry.

You should have taken his hesitation as a sign he wasn't happy. I am in a similar position where I inherited a sum and if my husband tried to spend all of that, I'd be raging.

If you don't hold your own finances, then you have lived beyond your means. Nearly everyone is only a few paychecks from potentiallyy being homeless. My husband is petrified at the idea of losing his job and not being able to meet mortgage payments. Maybe your husband feels the same.

I feel for your husband as you seem to wnt it all your way.

So basically op, you bought the house you liked. Stretching your budget to do so.

Got in designers who suggested things you didn't know you needed...so you didn't in fact need them. I have to ask who gets designers into decorate their first home? All of it seems cosmetic too.

You have spunked his savings

You don't seem to have put much money in

You manipulated him to spend more, even when he was saying stop

And you wonder why he left????? I'm speechless, you have to be the poster of the year, I think this beats "I snapped and farted" for being the most self absorbed poster of all time.

Bringing in designers when you only have 60k was your first mistake!

We maxed out on the mortgage buying a house which had been untouched since 1982. We lived in it like that for 5 years before starting work!

Building costs have gone up so much since Covid. It sounds like you didn’t start the work with a proper budget or track on costs. So I can see why he’s frustrated and angry because eventually, you run out of money.

You might make a loss selling the house but do you want to keep the marriage? Life is long, all relationships have ups and downs. This is a learning experience but doesn’t have to be the end. Sounds like you might need to learn to listen to what your husband is saying more if you want to keep him though.

Looks like this vote could be a cliffhanger?

Op sounds like H was trying to please you and make you happy, but meanwhile he realised the financial implications of this, he wasn't able to say no, stop now let's looks at this, let's be realistic,

H gone running for the hills ' panick '

You do realise how this happened, so question now is, what are you going to do , you need to speak to H and make a plan, whether that being a financial plan, but what about your marriage, it's OK to disagree or upset our/ your H when making decisions big financial decisions, you need a plan how to sort this mess out op, definitely not spending anymore money on house, live as it is, make do with what you have, and God only knows, you learn to paint, get H on board,

Right now you have an house, no home, because you're been so busy making it your forever home, happiness makes it a home, having someone to come home too, forget all the material things they come and go,

I have honestly yet to see a renovation on the TV that I could live with.

I am disabled and have a disability living extension. I removed all the doors downstairs for the wheelchair except one, to the hall because I have a ramp from the other side, and that is as far as I go. For that I get a band reduction. Now, it seems people are wanting to open up their rooms completely and I just couldn't do that. It wouldn't make a difference to the wheelchair because the doorways are wider, but the kitchen in the living room? People are paying thousands for that, and all those homes on TV are supposed to be so popular.

To take the kitchen wall down means I can see the kitchen sink from too many angles, and the things I burn smelling all over?

Now the fashion turns again and sliding doors are in..........

I couldn't have forgiven my husband for being so careless with monies and savings

OP sounds more bothered about losing her house than her husband... Sounds like she spent money they didn't have and he hasn't been able to stop her. Must be terrifying for him.

Renovations or not we’ve always kept an emergency fund so that when we’ve had an unexpected cost we can cover it.We once had boiler go and the radiators blew holes so that was an emergency.
We also used the home buyers survey to give us an idea of what needed especially the ones we missed.
whatever’s happened stay or go keep or sell you need to get communicating now to save in the long term.

Not being funny but it seems like you've been very irresponsible @Passa. You took on a house at the top of your mortgage, that needed work, didn't budget effectively and allowed yourself to be upsold things you don't need. I'm sorry but what did you expect the outcome to be?! You've used every single scrap of money possible and have absolutely nothing and your husband has absolutely nothing. Scale back renovations, claw back as much money as you can and then sell. Because it sounds financially unaffordable.

Basically,

You've spunked all his money up the wall.

I am not surprised he's left, and I'm not surprised he's really fucking bitter about it. There's a difference between agreeing to do renovation for 60k - and being emotionally manipulated by your wife to sell your retirement fund for her dream kitchen (and wardrobes, and beds, and flooring, and whole house redecoration.....)

The OP seems much more bothered by the thought they'll probably have to sell the house than the fact that her husband has left.

The OP says they went to top of budget because it was one of only a few she liked. I would guess the other couple she liked were over budget otherwise they would have gone with a cheaper option.
They had set a budget, she went over that. He obviously wasn't sure hence changing his mind but she emotionally manipulated him. None of the PP saying he is just as much at fault would be saying that if the roles were reversed. They would all be saying abuse, ltb

Bloody Hell!! You got designers in, no wonder the costs spiralled

You say you rented beforehand but that doesn't mean you wouldn't have been capable of overseeing renovations yourselves.

bloody hell, where are you? we're a very long way from London and it would cost twice that to get it done here!

OP - I get that its possible to spend tens of thousands on a kitchen, I could easily do it if I won euromillions, but surely you have a basic understanding of what things you're signing for are costing?

Yes to what everyone else has said - assuming this is genuine then there's no way on earth that work can have happened yet surely? - you've actually managed to have the whole house refloored and an expensive, presumably bespoke cabinetry, new kitchen installed within 5 months? If you've actually had the work completed already thats some type of miracle.

If not - then it is possible you can cancel some of the work and just look at losing the deposit - or pay for the materials and store them in what sounds like a house large enough to do so while you save up and so don't have to pay for the fitting until you can afford it.

Either way if you want to save your marriage and/or house I'd suggest sitting down with your husband and discussing possible savings and even what could be sold to help reduce overall costs - do you have some spare Louboutins or a vintage Mulberry bag which you could at least offer to trade in to pay for the new taps? Less flippantly are the movable furnishings still within the returns period?

If he's let you go this far then showing you understand its both of your responsibility and that you need to contribute in some way might go a long way towards reconciling things.

This 100%. There is nothing like renovation work for causing trouble with couples but it's sounding like OP has spent well over budget.

Will he get his money back if the place is sold as it is OP?

Do you want to save the marriage? You may need to show him how you are planning to get an extra job, or make cuts to your spending so that you can start repaying the savings

Are you very literal in your understanding? I think @marxistmagscomments went over your head! Or maybe you're very stressed.

It sounds like most of that 100k went on paying the designers because even in London that amount of work should not have cost that amount of money.

What do you want to save more, @Passa – your marriage or the house? If it's the former, then you need to admit to your DH that you got it wrong and you're sorry he had to sell his shares and you'll do whatever it takes to put things right – if that means selling the house and downsizing to replenish his savings, are you prepared to do that? If you are only concerned about the house, you need to find a way to raise the cash to buy him out but, really, at the end of the day it's just bricks and mortar and stuff. It's not the man you married that you presumably wanted to spend the rest of your life with.

It could be that she is one of those people who think spontaneously and want it done yesterday.

I blame the programmes on TV which make it look so simple and reasonable. I am astounded at the low costs some of those designers swear they spend. I wish they would either stop producing them or be more realistic.

In case anyone is interested, the small town I live in is surrounded by new builds and estates of 1960/70s houses are being refurbished all the time. They are being bought up by property management teams and some turned into two homes with the addition of a porch extension and rented out at enormous rents, probably to keep out undesirables?

That in itself has put up the cost of repairs and maintenance for the rest of us, because local traders are all involved in the same partnership as those managers and letting agents.

I was reading a property update put out by a very prolific estate company who have been building new builds by the thousand near me. One of the most significant things in the report is the fact that the fad for open living is not now as popular as it was.

New build and expensive properties had open plan living to make the small areas appear larger. Then owners of large older properties were quite taken with the idea of opening up all their rooms making the area look like a palace, even though it meant sitting in the living room part with the smells of cooking and overcooking wafting everywhere, and seeing the kitchen sink no matter where you were.

Apparently now those who design the refurbishments are saying people want to be able to divide off the rooms with sliding/folding doors.

On the off chance you're ever looking at this thread again..

You've pushed him to breaking point, spent money like its water trickling through your fingers, and almost certainly on things you want rather than focusing just on need.

You really need to wake up and realise how ridiculous and manipulative you've been, and if you can grasp that, apologise profusely, show him you understand what you've done wrong and the pressure you've put him under and how this wasn't acceptable.

I'd also start coming up with a plan to understand the household financing and some suggestions of how you'll increase your income to put back what you've spent.

Then... he might... just might.. reconsider.

You can google the average cost of any work that needs doing on a house, even before buying it, even take along a friendly builder when you view.

It might be a good idea to pay a surveyor to go through your plans. Designers will spend money like water if they think you can afford it, so never let anyone think you can. A surveyor will tell you what is important to do first, before you consider the wallpaper colours.

I always wonder why people buy bathroom fittings with corners. I can just see someone making the effort and having those sharp loo corners digging into the backs of their knees, causing them to jump up, hit their head on the sharp corners of a too close washbasin, and fall down catching some part of the anatomy on the sharp corners of the enormous sharp cornered bath, which costs an arm and a leg to fill with hot water.

Yet designers have persuaded tens of thousands of people to install them.