DH has moved out

Fitted wardrobes we used dress rails for five years.

Doors were replaced well down the road.

I don't know the solution except to sell. Just pray he doesn't have a meltdown and lose his job

Lots of couples knuckle down and paint themselves.
You need to completely rein in the spending.
Lots of couples do the basics and save and spend.
Doing it all at once is for the very well off.
We bought our house for cash 30 years ago, did basic renovations like plumbing, electrics and polished old floors.

Painting we did our selves, I removed 6 layers of wallpaper.
It was hard work but we valued money and I waited 6 months for a kitchen.

You need to let him calm down and reason with him that selling will be a huge loss.
Do any further work yourselves that you can.

He is clearly overwhelmed and wrongly blaming you for him not speaking up.

But over spending huge amounts when you don't earn much was very wrong in my view.

You clearly lost the run of yourself.

Was the garage converted to a gym by any chance?

Our kitchen cost a lot more but my friend undertook a kitchen renovation and it cost her that much.

Which shows you didn't need to spend what you chose to spend.

We had new doors (internal and external), new floors, new lighting all over the house fitted wardrobes in all bedroom etc and a lot more stuff. Plus converting garage.

Again, you didn't need to put fitted wardrobes in all the bedrooms immediately, the garage conversion could have waited, nor did you need the lot more stuff, did you? You bought the house earlier this year so have been in it a very short period of time you've gone on a reckless spending spree - you cannot have a champagne lifestyle on a beer ale budget.

Again, what is more important to you - your marriage and husband or this house?

Are you going to use all the bedrooms at once? If not, why the urgency to get fitted wardrobes in all of them?

OP, time to concentrate on the Relationship aspect of this.

It’s all very well MN demonstrating how you got carried away with enthusiasm and inexperience but what’s spent is spent. But maybe you can use these observations to inform your discussions with your DH about how it happened.

He is probably blaming himself for giving in to it all, and feels loss of control because his savings and shares are gone. Cashing in his shares was a bad move that will affect both your futures. People who feel out of control often look for someone else to blame as it gives them a sense of control.

You both need to examine and own your roles in this and be able to talk. This is why I suggested couples counselling.

Are there other financial adjustments you could make? Take in a lodger? Offer to take a weekend shift in a pub?

Step up and throw everything at trying to retrieve your relationship, if that is what you want.

But why on earth did you do this all at once? This kind of work is usually carried out over years while you’re living in the property. Converted the garage? Did that really need doing immediately?
We moved into our house last year, and we’ve only just painted three rooms and only just got blinds fitted for the whole house! Plus maybe two or three new pieces of furniture?! (Some of which came from Ikea) - rest is pre-existing stuff.

We did a complete refurb, including an extension, a full loft conversion, new staircase in a different position, scaffolding, complete rewire, all new plumbing and heating, and new boiler and tank, new bathrooms, complete re plaster, new kitchen, walls moved, new flooring throughout, new doors throughout, new windows, decorated throughout and finally a nice new driveway once the skips had gone.

The whole lot came in at about £200k which included the architect fee of about £7k, planning permission and the builder's costs to manage all the trades on our behalf.

Your £100K is not unreasonable - depending on how much you are actually doing.

But the issue is not the cost, it's the fact you can't afford it and never could. You have spent money you didn't have in the first place.

I would recommend you speak to your designers and tell them you can't afford their twiddly bits and go back to basics.

I designed our kitchen. I used graph paper, measured absolutely everything. Scaled cut-outs of the various sizes of cupboards, hobs, ovens etc., and played around with it all until I was happy. Then we got Howdens to quote and refined it after the quote. From what you are saying you are just accepting everything a designer tells you that you need. That's their job - you don't have to agree!

New internal doors? Yes I’m afraid you can spend a LOT of money if you really go at it. We spent a small fortune on our Reno, but we are established and in our £50k. I did a fully costed quote before we did a thing and knew where every penny would come from.

Did you put all of this in Insta?

OK, you seem determined to not reveal any of your own costs. Did you know the designer you chose?

A lot of that does not sound urgent. If you stretched yourself to the limit to buy, then you needed to accept you had to live woth a shabby old fashioned house for a bit.

That is what most people do.

Those figures don't come anywhere near £60k which is what you budgeted let alone £100k which is what you are claiming you have already spent, so where has the rest of the money gone?

You seem to be saying that the kitchen and painting has not been done? So what has actually been done?

Do you want to save your marriage or your house renovation?

It doesn't cost that much for several tubs of paint. DIY

Why aren't you painting the house, doing the kitchen yourselves etc if you have already overspent?

Some Paint and brushes are not 5k, why don’t you do a room yourself rather than pay someone?

How much did the designer cost?

"we budgeted £60k but it’s going to be closer to £100k+ : new kitchen, new wardrobes, new beds, new flooring and paint."

To...

"To get a house painted is around £4k to 5k, and a kitchen is going to cost £10k and another £10k to install"

That's £25k. Are you saying you've spent £75k on new wardrobes, new beds and new flooring??

At this point, either you are hiding a lot as you are ignoring so many posts or you are a troll. There's no in between.

Holding your hand up is a great start. But the next step must be the actions you will take to put it right.

The "clue" about the renovations and costs of works, comes from the quotes you got BEFORE you purchase the house and again BEFORE you signed contracts for any works to start. You don't need to be seasoned home owners to know how quotes work.

But who are we to say that it isn't true?

She did not say that - he said that.

You sound naive but what on earth job does he do that pays very good money and he doesn't have the skills to sit down and go through what he is "singing off" to pay for?

He let the project run away just as much as you and is now blaming you. I hope he isn't in a leadership position.

Joint responsibility, joint work to fix it.

It's unacceptable for you to carry the can and find a solution when he had half a hand in it.

Perhaps he should blame your hysteria and womanly charms whilst he's at it.

Wow. Really, wow!

I can't make up my mind if you're incredibly gullible/naive/clueless or a materialistic, freeloader happy to spend anyone elses money. You've dodged lots of important questions but DH leaving something all his money has now been sunk in seems crazy so there's got to more to this story.

Given that your only concern is losing the house, not your marriage, I'm landing on, yes, uabvvu.