DH has moved out

He's moved out because he's had enough. He probably doesn't want to work his whole life to support someone else's whims. I expect he's cutting his losses.

If you overspent without his agreement, you're going to have to put this right. Maximise your income - pay rise, second job, whatever you can do.

Your predecessors managed with the current kitchen. Delay the big jobs and do the painting yourself.

Did you not discuss with him before spending the money? I can see how that would be a problem.

So it sounds like you need to sit down. And explain that you are sorry this budget got away like it did, and that you'll work with him cooperatively to rebuild his ISA etc.
Do you work? Do you have savings that you contributed? Does he feel this was one sided?

So basically you signed up to far more than you had originally agreed between you because you got carried away. Did you not think to ask him first before spending all this extra

Speaking as someone who has lived through a few renovations, including living with bare floor board, no heating and no beds for months on end, I feel there must be more to this. Surely people sit down and plan to a budget? We are still using several bits ofsecond hand furniture we bought 40 years ago. Nobody needs everything new.

Maybe this house is a lot larger than yours, maybe it needed more extensive work doing. Maybe prices are much higher where OP lives. Perhaps some walls needed knocking down. Just because your renovation was cheaper doesn’t mean there’s more to this (assume you’re suggesting something else has gone on).

This doesn’t make sense. Why would he walk away from something he has sunk his life saving into?

It does sound like you went overboard with non essential expenditure and I would be interested to hear his side of it.

Had you been looking at perfect homes posted by show-offs on Instagram and bullied him into the spends, OP?

There must be more to this?

Ive renovated multiple houses. Kitchens bathroom re wiring re plumbing back to brick re plaster and it hasn’t come to that much

paint beds and wardrobes aren’t renovations.

is there more to this?

What is the relationship like generally?

Do you have children? How are financial responsibilities shared?

I would have a good look at what can be prioritised, whether you split or not, it is vital that costs be reduced. Would sitting down with him and a budget help?

Why is he blaming you?? I don’t have respect for people who run back to their parents when a relationship gets tough, unless ofc there is abuse. He needs to communicate and work this through. I am sorry, how stressful.

It sounds like there has been a communication breakdown.

OP it does come across that you are being evasive about your role in the overspend., and also that you aren’t really that bothered about him, so long as you have the house you want.

Have you talked about about how the savings will be replaced? Have you told him you understand?
How are you proposing to fix this?

moving house and renovating is stressful. What you have learnt is that your dh walks away when things are tough. Imagine if this was a new baby and he decides he can’t cope with sleepless nights. You need to arrange a meeting to discuss your futures, does he want to split up? Does he want to sell the house? Why is he calling you names ? That’s unacceptable. And why is he blaming you for decisions made jointly? You also need to think about what you want, do you want to stay with a man who treats you like this?

We waited 3 years to save money before renovation and it still wasn’t enough, it was certainly a stressful time

I can see how it spirals and gets out of control

Yet it’s important to discuss everything, the trade-offs, and many things didn’t get done immediately - we did many things later - curtains, wardrobes, lights, more up to date furniture (yes we had garden stuff borrowed from family to start, mattresses on the floor bed), etc

What has he suggested you do next?

If the money is spent why are you at a loss? Because the work isn't completed or it hasn't added the value?

I can see why he would be devastated to lose all investments and savings in one renovation, especially over things like wardrobes and beds. Was it a joint decision?

Surely you just make a list of essential and can wait. From what was written in OP, technically everything looked like it could go on ‘can wait’ pile. No harm in living in a place for a few years without the kitchen and bathroom if your dreams. If there are no built in wardrobes, just spend pennies on basic rack system from Ike’s to get through a few years. Then, start with list at priority number one and wait until there is spare $ for priority number 2 etc. seems far more sensible than everyone cracking it, getting money out of ISA and splitting up🤔.

Agree with others that you should have written a priority list with estimates/ quotes and started to work through it while keeping track of what was being spent and how much more you could afford. That should have been done together.

If your relationship hit the name-calling stage, it'll be hard to pull it back. If you acknowledge together where it went wrong, you might be able to salvage something. You need to look at strict budgeting (like Dave Ramsey?) and either live in the house while paying it back or sell and take the financial hit.

What things have you not spent money on yet? Like on the list of priorities, there are needs and there are wants. Things that are not needed don’t need to be done now. Spending almost double on renovations is massive and can freak one out. He’ll lose money if he sells now so hopefully he’ll see sense and come back home and ride this through but you should also take responsibility and own up to it if you’ve made bad choices with respect to the extra spends. You both find other ways to bring in more money to try and save, etc before taking on the next project (like having kids, etc)

Are you saying DH has moved out and wants a divorce?

Why is placing all the blame on you? He should have spoken up at the time and said the house is a money pit.

Are you both paying the mortgage? How long have you been married?

”We” or “I”? This is key. Almost doubling your renovation spend is not a minor thing.

Sorry not the point of the thread but I’m struggling to see how you could spend over 100k on those things. Have you been pushing for top end stuff that you can’t afford? There must be a backstory here