Surprise guest. Should we say something?

To me it is a funny atmosphere by having Steve there as it’s no longer a couple a thing

I'm widowed. My social life is a shadow of what it used to be because of couples like you. It sucks more than I can say.

Poor Steve, he sounds a bit of a bore. However I don't think you can check if he's going then decline if they've invited him. That's really shitty.

It not being ‘a couples thing’ and Steve being awful are two entirely separate issues.

It's hard to say because it depends on how rude he is. If he just hogs the conversation and is a bit boring that's different to him specifically insulting you or being sexist or racist or whatever.

It's common in many social situations of bigger groups to have someone you wouldnt choose to be friends with or who even actively annoys you - chances are there'll be at least one work colleague or person in a hobby group or whatever. If you went around saying "ill only come to your party if x isn't there" or "I refuse to work with Bob on this project" or whatever it probably wouldn't end well.

However most people's free time is limited and thus important to them - if he's not just a bit annoying but literally ruins the evening to the point you'd rather not go than be there with him then I wouldn't put yourself through it. It sounds like it's harder if there's just the 5 of you there, at least if it was a bigger group you could dilute him!

Saying that the "it's a funny atmosphere having him there because it's no longer a couples thing" does make you sound like a smug married. If it's Steve personally you don't like that's one thing, but you're pretty much suggesting single people should only socialise with one another and not be invited to "couples" things. What kind of stuff do you get up to that having 5 or 7 people there would make it more awkward than having 4 or 6?

How would you feel if your dh died and nit only were you missing him but your friends also stopped inviting you anywhere because your presence now ruins the atmosphere?

Time to have a separate girls night and a separate boys night.

I've never been one for understanding specifically 'doing things' as a couple with other couples. Simply do not get the appeal.

If Steve is such hard work, your coupley friends would go right up in my estimation, as I'd admire their kindness and insistence on inclusivity. Not in a million years would I expect them to ditch a friend who is clearly struggling for the sake of me getting to feel 'chosen'. Make an effort to get real with Steve instead as he clearly means a great deal to your friends. Meet him where he's at? Not everyone is socially slick and polished. If you feel he's actually being rude, as opposed to simply awkward or abrupt, why not name it: "Hey Steve, it seems we've got off to a wrong start. Perhaps I've upset you ‐could you say what's bothering you so we can have a go at understanding each other better?"

This ^

It may be easier for you to invite them to yours. That's what I would do

Maybe they invite you because Steve's already coming and it'll dilute him?

Say 'oh, it's your turn to come to us this time!' Then they can't just bring him. You'd hope.

Next time they invite you ask if Steve is going to be there, if they say yes then politely decline, they'll get the message.