Surprise guest. Should we say something?

Um, nobody is projecting, thanks, we are responding to OPs own chosen words
"To me it is a funny atmosphere by having Steve there as it’s no longer a couples thing"
If she just meant as she's now backtracking because people have pulled her up on it saying
" it changes the vibe because Steve’s presence is like a lead weight."
Then why did she bring the couples thing into it at all in the first place?

Why not say the sentence about the lead weight then, or even just stop the sentence after "there."

It would have made more sense to not mention the couple element if her ONLY issue was Steve's personality. Instead she specifically chose to add the couples element because that's how she feels. Steve might very well be a right PITA but OP sounds like she would be side eyeing even the nicest woman if she came alone and not with a "hubby".

To me it is a funny atmosphere by having Steve there as it’s no longer a couple a thing

I'm widowed. My social life is a shadow of what it used to be because of couples like you. It sucks more than I can say.

Maybe start hosting rather than taking hospitality and then you can invite who you want 🤷🏻‍♀️

Um, nobody is projecting, thanks, we are responding to OPs own chosen words
"To me it is a funny atmosphere by having Steve there as it’s no longer a couples thing"
If she just meant as she's now backtracking because people have pulled her up on it saying
" it changes the vibe because Steve’s presence is like a lead weight."
Then why did she bring the couples thing into it at all in the first place?

Why not say the sentence about the lead weight then, or even just stop the sentence after "there."

It would have made more sense to not mention the couple element if her ONLY issue was Steve's personality. Instead she specifically chose to add the couples element because that's how she feels. Steve might very well be a right PITA but OP sounds like she would be side eyeing even the nicest woman if she came alone and not with a "hubby".

The idea of takeaway, wine and good company gets me through the slog of the end of the week and then bam, it’s miserable monologue Steve. I used the wrong wording before, it doesn’t change the vibe because it’s no longer a couple thing, it changes the vibe because Steve’s presence is like a lead weight. He takes over conversation to rant/overshare and everyone else peels away until you’re stuck hearing his woes whilst the others have a laugh in the other room/conversation.

I get it, OP. It certainly didn't come over to me that you were in any way suggesting that Steve is unwelcome (to you) because he's single - don't know why pps have projected that!

Yes, I bet they're using you both as a buffer - to soak up the awfulness of Steve. I've had this kind of thing because I used to be a pushover and was always the person caught in a corner with someone like Steve while everyone else has a great time. I've learned to be tougher. I'm never rude but I don't suffer extreme bores for more than 5 mins now - I expect other people to pull their weight and pass them on to someone else.

Why?
What possible advantage is there to OP in this?

We became good friends with a couple, a couple of years ago. However a few times we’ve been invited over, they have also had their other mate over. We’ll call him Steve.

One hand I feel bad as it’s evident that Steve doesn’t have many friends or family in the nearby area. I’ve also got my suspicions that he’s either depressed or got depressive tendencies.

But on the over hand, I find Steve incredibly hard work socially, as he’s quite rude/standoffish or just talks about himself (how hard he’s had things in the past).. Any conversation he’ll turn it around to a monologue, unless you try to make conversation and you get a sarcastic reply.

The thing is, is when we’re invited over, we get the impression it’s just going to be us. To me it is a funny atmosphere by having Steve there as it’s no longer a couple a thing

Should I mention something to my friend or just put up with potentially being Steve there?

No. What I do find odd is the insistence my comments are about "taking a pop" or being "snide" to the OP. Here is my initial post:

Perhaps they kill two birds with one stone by inviting Steve and you at the same time? In other words, they are not quite as keen on your company as you are theirs.

There are a handful of reasons why OP is being invited with the ghastly Steve. In no particular order:

-the hosts are desperate for a buffer for Steve, and wrongly assumed OP was fine with his company/enjoyed their chats
-the hosts are unaware Steve is a tosser
-the hosts only invite three people in the world to dinner, and that is OP and husband plus Steve
-the hosts have plenty of other of guests, but all the rest have made it clear they can't stand Steve
-the hosts are desperate for a buffer for Steve, and don't really care if OP is uncomfortable as someone has to do it

It seems unlikely they are completely unware of Steve's problem traits. Inviting him along with the OP to my mind shows a lack of consideration, therefore they don't really care if it's not ideal for her as they place their own concerns first.

At no point have I suggested OP is poor company, or taken snide potshots at her. Having been in a somewhat similar situation, I concluded my comfort was low on my hosts' list of preferences.

Do you think “rage” might be just the tiniest bit hyperbolic?

@Hoppinggreen I think I imagined the advantage to the OP to be that she might, if reevaluating the premise upon which she was engaging with Steve, come to understand why it is that her friends find him such good company. I rarely dislike my friends' friends as there is usually some interesting commonality or shared interest, so I figured that, given a bit of time, curiosity and good will, Steve's virtues might shine through to enrich OP's life as they clearly do her friends'. I think I'd ask my friends about their history with Steve, and get them to spell out what it is about him that they find so compelling as they clearly rate his company as highly as they do mine.

I think my annoyance is that we don’t get a heads up that Steve is going to be invited.

DF: What are you all up to on Friday?
Me: Nothing important. What’s the plan?
DF: Come over when you both finish work and we can get takeaway?
Me: Grand, I’ll bring the wine…

The idea of takeaway, wine and good company gets me through the slog of the end of the week and then bam, it’s miserable monologue Steve. I used the wrong wording before, it doesn’t change the vibe because it’s no longer a couple thing, it changes the vibe because Steve’s presence is like a lead weight. He takes over conversation to rant/overshare and everyone else peels away until you’re stuck hearing his woes whilst the others have a laugh in the other room/conversation.

I’m 90% sure that we’re used as the buffer. The first couple of times it happened I presumed he had just randomly popped by/had too much to drink… just has 3am conversations at 3pm with zero drink involved.

They're definitely not a throuple.

I've never been one for understanding specifically 'doing things' as a couple with other couples. Simply do not get the appeal.

If Steve is such hard work, your coupley friends would go right up in my estimation, as I'd admire their kindness and insistence on inclusivity. Not in a million years would I expect them to ditch a friend who is clearly struggling for the sake of me getting to feel 'chosen'. Make an effort to get real with Steve instead as he clearly means a great deal to your friends. Meet him where he's at? Not everyone is socially slick and polished. If you feel he's actually being rude, as opposed to simply awkward or abrupt, why not name it: "Hey Steve, it seems we've got off to a wrong start. Perhaps I've upset you ‐could you say what's bothering you so we can have a go at understanding each other better?"

To me it is a funny atmosphere by having Steve there as it’s no longer a couple a thing

I'm widowed. My social life is a shadow of what it used to be because of couples like you. It sucks more than I can say.

Might I suggest you rein in your rage. You're a fine one to talk about tone - which you have entirely misread.

Haven't noticed a single suggestion for OP from you, meanwhile. In fact, your only contributions to this thread are directed - with tremendous and inexplicable hostility - to me. A stranger on the internet.

Might I suggest you rein in your rage. You're a fine one to talk about tone - which you have entirely misread.

Haven't noticed a single suggestion for OP from you, meanwhile. In fact, your only contributions to this thread are directed - with tremendous and inexplicable hostility - to me. A stranger on the internet.

If you didn't intend it as a sly dig I can only suggest you look more carefully at how you communicate because the tone of your post is a sneering "maybe you aren't so great yourself".

You also haven't said what the point of the comment was. OP can't do anything about hosts who pretend to like her and invite her to dinner. She has no way to find out if your what you are suggesting here is true and it gives her no ideas for how to try and get herself out of the situation.