Parents in law obsession with arriving safely

It's really unhealthy to cater to their anxiety. Responding to it will reinforce their behaviour.

Tell your husband to rein it in. Don't answer their texts if you go over your ETA and how ridiculous that they're doing that.

I understand it can be frustrating, but try to keep in mind that you’re lucky to have a family who cares. In the grand scheme of things, it’s a small inconvenience to deal with.

Mission creep. How far along the spectrum of reasonable would you go?

My mum used to do this. It was a reflection of the shrinking of her world and the importance of my visit. It was almost a part or ‘rounding off’ of the visit. Asking me to do this was so ingrained that it one of the phrases that stuck with her even once the dementia started to set in. While she was still living in her own home, I would never have dreamed of not calling her to let her know I’d arrived safely, even though, shock horror, the entire journey was by train and so risk free. Wtaf. But then again, I’m not a very important person.

YABU
Wanting to know someone has arrived safely is a basic attribute of caring about them, and going along with that and letting them know is a really simple thing to do. If it involves extra information when eta is not met, what exactly is wrong with that?
Comes across to me as unnecessarily callous to call this interfering or controlling.
Also, what's anxiety got to do with needing to know you've arrived? It's a symptom of caring, not an irritating feature of someone's fragile mental health!

So as a grown adult you should basically have to give your parents step by step updates on your life otherwise your cold and uncaring?

Nah. My parents are not bonkers enough to think I need to run my life by them just in case.

I think it’s quite normal. I like my DC to text me when they’ve arrived home safely - over 200 miles. I always called my parents, similar length journey. They’ve both recently died so enjoy them while you can.

So they send another text saying “we’re stopping off for a meal-we’ll be later than we said. Home around 7”

Hmm, you say it costs nothing, but that’s clearly not the case for OP. It seems to cost her time energy and has created anxiety for her now. Their demands are moving towards unreasonable.

Your assessment feels reasonable, your statement sounds reasonable, but it’s clear that not every perpetrator is.

But what about what the other poster said. How it stopped them doing things because they are now on edge about making sure they are back by eta because the parent will start hounding them and a simple text isn’t enough the text invites a phone call when you’ve just arrived somewhere or just gotten home and either way want to relax not be bogged with 101 questions.

If you can do something simple that makes someone else happy and costs you nothing-do it. It’s as simple as that. They may not be being rational, but how many of us are rational all the time.

I refuse to do this as well. Ive been asked to text when I get home before and when I got in I was tired, I forgot and went straight to bed. The person who asked didn’t call the police or send out a search party. It’s pointless and controlling nonsense.

YANBU, but my Mum used to be exactly the same; if you said you'd be there by 6 she'd be panicking by 5 past.

I’d love a psychologist to comment on this. It’s so interesting. Am I being horrible to not join in with this sort of thing, or is my world view just different? is it being nice or pandering? People clearly get emotional and upset, is that reasonable?

Any psychologists about? !

Edit: Covid fever taken my ability to spell.. 🤦‍♀️

This would drive me bonkers. It's weird.

Same as when people in families have their location on. Always checking where people are.

Text was a just an invitation to min 20 min phone with my parents - even with IL if DH entertained it - they'd immedatley phone and phone and phone till answered even if you said not to.

If you are used to dealing with people who are that nice when they get a text - it's fine.

When you have to deal with what OP appers to be dealing with phone calls if 10 minutes past eta it's not really the same thing at all.

You start to get worried about the call and not being back - you start to not do convenient things like stop off for supplies - or take a longer seanic route back. It starts to impact on your behavior and stress levels.

When you complain on here people say oh it just a quick text - and if you are being timed on journey and if late getting calls - it's clearly not that at all.

It's hard to explain but once you've been on recieving end of it - and more it's entertained worse it gets - it's more than a quick text and often if a parnter was doing it it would be seen as a red flag.

Ask your DH to let them know all is well.
Hopefully he’s more caring than you are.
I worry about my grown up children & a quick message helps. It’s called being nice.

Because you will be doing something that literally takes 5 seconds that will make someone else happy.

What so this goes beyond the ‘text me when you get home’, this is ANY longer travel? Bloody hell
thank god my DM isn’t like this.

This is def a positive negative world divide.

I just assume all is well with the world unless evidence arises to the contrary. I’m not free of worry and life events, but I just don’t see trouble before it starts.

Take off is far more dangerous than landing, in flight updates are more sensible if you are genuinely concerned.

But why does their want to do it override my want not to do it?

How long would it take to type ‘Home safe 🥰’?
Some people don’t deserve anyone to care about them.

I don’t find it annoying to put older relatives’ minds at rest with a quick text. What really really annoys me is friends/colleagues texting the day after we’ve been out with “Hope you got home ok last night?”. What you gonna do about it NOW if I didn’t and the axe murderer has already spread my body parts across three counties eh eh??

To or from my parents I share my journey via Waze.

My step dad particularly likes watching the progress!

I’ll very occasionally do it for other trips, for example I took a private taxi from the airport home at 2am so shared the journey with mum just incase I got kidnapped ( we may both have been slightly paranoid with that one!).

doesn’t feel intrusive to share the journey and I don’t need to remember to say I’m home!

but maybe I’d get annoyed if I was being asked about general journeys!

It’s not caring when you they don’t like it.