Parents in law obsession with arriving safely

It’s not pointless because they don’t see it until the morning, because it’s not supposed to allay any terrible anxiety. They’ll go to bed and sleep (because not anxious wrecks) then wake up and see over their morning cuppa that you are home. Job done.

It’s not care from MIL if she knows her son and OP don’t like it.

Odd that you’re advocating lying. Much better to be honest and say that you can’t be expected to remember to text after every journey and that it’s an unfair expectation.

My elderly mum goes for a walk daily and as she no longer has good mobility, we asked if she would take her mobile with her in case she had a fall.

She said she would prefer not to.

And that’s her choice, I won’t bother her about it repeatedly, which is what you and others are fine with MIL doing to OP.

YANBU, this would drive me mad! They're shunting their anxiety onto you to manage. It isn't okay.

It’s not about anxiety. People aren’t anxious. Why do you all keep pretending everyone who likes a travel update is an anxious wreck with poor mental health? It’s a perfectly normal thing to do or to want.

I agree with this in theory.

But it sets something off in me.

These days I seem to be required, by the Law of Be Kind to address every irrational anxiety of friends and family. It feels like death by a thousand emotional micro burdens.

I do it, I try and do it as a 5 second emotionally neutral job, but I see it as irrational anxiety haven’t mastered my own response to these ‘arrived safely’ messages, and every outing with friends adjusted to allow for newly acquired claustrophobia, vertigo (ditto), food regimes, mythical infection risks, not being out after dark etc etc.

It is exhausting!

When might people be expected to take responsibility for their own irrational anxieties?

You must have really complicated and unpredictable journeys. Traffic aside I can usually estimate pretty accurately. I know there’ll be loo stops on a journey longer than about 2 hours, I know if it’s going over a meal time, I know if there’s something I plan to see on the way back. If I gave a time estimate I’d work that in anyway. It really wouldn’t need extra texts.

“Arrived safely”

It’s not step by step updates 9n your whole life though is it? It’s just updates on a journey.

Send the text whether you’re home or not. Don’t answer the phone. I agree that sort of behaviour is annoying, but so many people’s point blank refusal to entertain a pretty normal behaviour of letting people know you’re home safe is baffling. They aren’t all dealing with these levels of behaviour.

I don’t understand what you mean by ‘ANY longer travel’ and why it horrifies you. I mean going on hols, either here or abroad. And neither I nor DD ask for it, we just do it - often with a pic of accommodation if it’s hols because we are both interested.

We are both positive people too - I’m not anxious about the travel and neither is she. I don’t expect anything bad to happen. It’s just nice to know someone has got where they are going.
Neither of us do it for regular long journeys.
I’m actually pretty surprised so many don't do this and view it as controlling or anxiety fuelled. It’s something pretty much everyone I know does.

When who doesn’t like what?
The MiL cares (I have said I think the call for short delays is OTT).
It takes seconds to send a quick text. You can even lie and head off the ‘you’re late are you ok’ call if you send it early. But most people aren’t asking for/expecting it out of anxiety and yet loads of people are refusing a pretty normal and well established behaviour. It predates mobiles as I and PPs have said.

Why would they wait up? A text can be seen the next morning. It’s just a nice thing to do to let people know you got home it’s not a new thing either. As PPs have said, it used to be 3 rings on the landline.

Maybe they would see it because they are unable to sleep knowing you are on a long car journey late at night and are worried you may breakdown !

I care whether my daughter gets somewhere safely. She cares whether I do. So we text each other. We aren’t obsessively anxious about it. And the faux confusion about why you would do it for a longer/unusual journey when you are more likely to get injured at home/on the way to the supermarket is just a bit silly.

Apart from the posters who say their mothers do it, and the extremely real threat of increasing relatives' anxiety.
Apart from that, yes.

Pretty much.

Basically, this is just another mil bashing thread. And very tedious with it.

I'm another one who lost their Mum and would give anything to be able to send her a text saying 'Home safely x'. Trust me, when you can no longer do it, it will be all you want to do.

Being asked to let someone know when you're home is just another way of saying I love you, imo. I don't know when people started to become so self involved that they stopped caring about other people's feelings but I've noticed it more and more. Of course having boundaries is ok when people are being unreasonable, and of course we have learnt that we don't need to pander to narcissistic or bullying parents anymore, but assuming any parents involved are decent parents, why would you not be nice and put their mind at rest. I say it to my kids, my friends, we all do, it's normal.

It is also perfectly normal to share your plans with your parents or say 'drive safely' to someone you care about. Being wound up by things like that strikes me as far more anxious behaviour than a parent asking for a text, it's weird.

At the risk of repeating myself, why would you not want to allay that anxiety in someone who cares for you? Again it feels unkind.

Actually it’ll be feeding their anxiety. Not ideal. The OP is not required to entertain another person’s anxious intrusion.

Saw a nice view so stopped now 5pm
Stuck in traffic so will be 7pm
Kid one needed a pee so we stoped at the services now 8pm
Decided to get a bite to eat 9pm
Stopping off at spar to get some milk 10pm
Home now 10:30pm.

Its really not necessary is it. When you just want to finish your day and get home having to send constant updates that no one needs your just living your life.

I always let mil know we have arrived home safely after long journey

I feel like this is more of an in-laws issue than being annoyed about this particular thing

5 seconds to tell them about a big change in ETA.