Parents in law obsession with arriving safely

Do you think you will magically stop panicking about your children once they're 18? I hate to shatter your illusion but the worry never stops.

I would tell her you will update when you arrive and then mute and archive the conversation for the duration of your journey. Then you can just send one message when you arrive. Or let DH do it since it's his parents. I think you sending one message is not unreasonable, but having to field constant enquiries when you are travelling is ridiculous. And definitely don't answer the phone! Maybe change her ringtone to silent too.

My Dad did that - also weekends at 8 am are you up yet - once we had the kids we were up and I remember saying why are you ringing if you thought I wouldn't be up. I did just rolled with it - even when sick.

I think I found the travel ones harder- as we were tired and busy with young kids - also texting and waiting till convenient just didn't work. It was anxiety driven but still got to me at times.

Mind you nothing compares to MIL 30 phone calls to mobile/landline in 40 minutes when told we were sorry bit busy and DH would ring as soon as possible in an hour - she agreed that was fine with me then started insane ringing. She didn't want anything nothing was wrong it was so stressful though DH exploded at her. When we got an answer machine she'd ring and wait till the beep recording bit and then put phone down and then immediately do the same we'd come back to 15 -20 such messages and last one her moaning off to someone no-one was picking up. That was more main player syndrome - well DH take.

I agree. But in this case it actually is 5 seconds and will make a huge difference to another person’s peace of mind…

But the MIL is bugging OP, not her son! And you seem fine with that.

It’s not about being too busy. It’s about the unnecessary expectation and feeding anxiety. I refuse to send ‘ home safely’ messages . The likelihood of me not being safe is tiny. . If I did so routinely and one day forgot to , panic ensues! Fortunately car journeys are statistically very safe.

Sorry I didn’t mean a view from a car view. My misleading there.

I mean a view from the lodge or hotel or just a view on a walk in the location we are.

Only time I’ve sent a in car view photo we were following a logging truck and it was all a bit final destination and actually even then I posted it on Instagram not to an individual.

Not if you have family in Manchester and you live in London. I’m not faux confused, you occupy a space that is totally out of my experience. I find it odd, you clearly find my perspective odd too. No biggie, but your life appears simpler maybe than mine.

You gave an example of sending a view from your delayed car journey. I wouldn’t do that, but I would text when I got home, or if I was very delayed - more to moan in that case.
Not doing something you normally would do because someone asks you to do it seems very petty and unpleasant.

Nope. No need for it to be a woman texting.

Because it’s not expected or demanded contact. Sometimes I could be somewhere 4/5 days before I feel like sharing a single photo.

It’s the demand of having to keep someone updated on your trip.

An unusual or longer journey would be a holiday trip surely?
Theres an awful lot of faux confusion on this thread.

I’d assume he was safe and having a good time.

His no more at risk regardless of where he is actually located. Unless he decides to fly off to Afghanistan or something. Manchester Dorset Scotland Wales I’d expect he arrived nice and safe. Just like his again school trip with zero coms the whole trip from school to Belgium.

Be nice to get a photo of a cool mountain or the beach or squirrel stealing nuts or maybe a friend getting dive bombed by seagulls. But no day two or three maybe pop a hope your having a good time message or maybe I’m sending a funny photo. Maybe dad fell though his chair into the pool 😂 again…

My brother travels the world and doesn’t check in, mum doesn’t let me know when she’s landed in Mexico or where ever in fact most of the time I forget she’s going. Couldn’t tell you the name of the hotel or what time her flight was. I know when the in-laws are away as it’s peaceful 😅

I’m nobody’s MiL. I think it’s nice to communicate with my immediate family 🤷‍♀️

A school trip is an every day thing n of course it doesn’t call for a text. A more unusual trip - well, it’s just nice to know how things are going, and from my perspective I like t9 text DD because I’m apparently crass enough to be excited about unsustainable trips and also relieved to be home after them.

I’d love to know how much of women’s time is taken up by tasks that ‘take 5 seconds’. Put a load on, text DGPs, pick something up from the shops, wipe the counters, pick things up from where someone dumped them, get a card on Moonpig, ‘shove something in the oven’. So so many women are told that so many things take no time. And they spend their lives doing them.

It’s death by a thousand tasks and women are expected to do all of them. Because it’s 5 seconds’.

my mum would be like that - if I let her.
for her it's a control thing.
I just don't tell her about everytime I leave the house anymore.
if it's about meeting up it's fair does

It’s not anxiety. It’s not checking up. It’s communication with people important in your life.

So you do contact them? But your contact is all positive and not to do with anxiety or control, but everyone else is a neurotic mess who thinks the world is ending if they don’t hear from their relatives. Got it.

I’m guilty of this, so thank you for making me more aware of how my behaviour affects others. In my defence, my brother was killed in a road accident so most people understand my anxiety, but it’s my issue.

Noone is talking about texting whether they got to school or friends but if your child drove to the other end of the country and didn't text for a few days, you wouldn't want them to check in?

Very surprised by everyone (majority going by the comments) who thinks this is annoying so I am wondering whether this is just a cultural thing? In a lot of countries family members or even friends would normally ask you to tell them if you arrived safely and would be worried if you don't say anything so pinning it down to just a cultural thing?

you said ‘an unusual or longer journeys’, my ‘ANY’ was quoting you as I was surprised. Now you’re saying if you go on holiday.

I go away a lot and I communicate with my DM as I care about her and she lives alone, but it might be day 2 or 3 and I’ll share pics. Me arriving in the middle of the UK night is not something we are going to text about. My DM just went to France, I’d have known soon enough if Ryan Air lost a plane, as it was she sent some pics of the party and her friends new place

Was there marmite everywhere? This is the sort of thing I WOULD have wanted a blow-by-blow account of.

My lovely friend I have known for 30 years? Don’t be such a cynic, I feel quite sorry for you, if that’s your view on life.