Parents in law obsession with arriving safely

Respond with “still travelling but will ring tomorrow”
They'll say “let us know when you get there”
You say “will do if we remember but likely to forget so will ring you tomorrow”
Then ignore. It’s not your job to enable their anxiety

There’s a huge difference between anxiety as a diagnosis and worry-which comes with being a parent to a greater or lesser degree. Wanting to know your children are safely home is not pathological!

Or caring about your family could come from, I don't know, loving them? Or taking an interest in their lives? If people can't see that it probably says something about their upbringing

I find it really fascinating that some posters think this isn't anxiety driven, and believe this to be a perfectly normal expectation and concern. It really goes to show how your attitudes towards mental health is shaped by your upbringing. Being raised in an anxious household where parents felt threat was around every corner, even into adulthood, certainly does a number on people. It's so sad to see.

Might be the fever 😂
and clearly I’m conflating you and others responses.

In essence, yes I send my mum pics when I’m away, I just couldn’t be agreeing to it being the first thing I did within an hour (or so) of arriving. It would be another bloody commitment in my over committed life and I’d no doubt forget!

It’s the call when they are past the ETA I think. Which I’ve said is OTT. In general, I think it’s nice, and not motivated by anxiety or controlling, to keep relatives informed after a long journey.

But the DH can talk when his journey has ended as he won’t travelling anymore.

OP does not find the communication ‘nice and communicative’, she’s rightly fed up.

Phones rather than texts I think. Which I said is OTT.i assume she phones the OP because she isn’t the driver.
It all really hinges on whether you see communication around journeys as anxiety driven and controlling or nice and communicative. I suspect it’s almost always the latter.

A close family member died in a car accident so I'm afraid I am like your in law's .
All I need is a quick WhatsApp to say they have arrived safely and I can relax.
Surely that's not too much to ask?

Where did I say I don’t go away a lot? I go away plenty. I wouldn’t say I don’t because it’s not the case. I also didn’t say I ‘couldn’t imagine’ what a long journey that isn’t a holiday might be. I said an unusual journey would likely be a holiday.
Your second paragraph makes no sense, sorry.

I think the best course of action would be for op to say she's not getting involved in the texts/ communication when travelling. Her husband can communicate with his mother should he wish.

Why is it necessary for OP to text her MIL updates in order to ensure her DH does not detach from his mother?

No because you said you don’t go away a lot and you couldn’t imagine what a long journey that might be that wasn’t a holiday.

I don’t have the headspace for anything more and I’m not worrying about stuff that has never happened. I do communicate with my family, but about other things that I clearly give more priority too. I’d not push that out of the way to check in on travel success. I’m only on here so much today as I have Covid and my GCSE taking daughter has banished me to my room, otherwise I’d be doing stuff. I can’t be bothered to work, no TV, so…

But it’s not nice for OP. The MIL texts her, not her son. Do you not think that’s unfair?

Well,as the goal of many Mumsnetters seems to be to detach their dp from his family of origin as much and as quickly as possible, there’s plenty of useful tips on this thread!

Some people might think it’s nice. OP doesn’t and I agree with her.

It’s neither logical nor necessary. It’s just nice. Like lots of things in life.

No, I’ve said she’s OTT. More than once. I’m making more general points to other posters.

Yore very literal about this. It’s not about safety really. It’s about communication and mutual care and respect. Of course you’ll more than likely get home safely. Do you really think I most people expect something else?

My life is simpler than yours because I like to communicate with my family? Weird judgement.

It's normal insomuch as it seems to be a habit, but it isn't rational.

If it is so necessary to answer these requests and send the texts then why? If it isn't to settle a worry that the person has? An anxious worry?

If it doesn't affect their mental health then we don't need to be doing it, do we?

Do you think you will magically stop panicking about your children once they're 18?

I have a 19 year old at second year at uni and don't panic about her - I trust her judgement and ablity to nagivate the world.

My parents did when dropping me off at uni suddenly panic about all the things they'd never explained or let me do. I did try and learn from that so made sure DD1 was experinced as much as possible in looking out for herself and knew how to access help from us and others.

Accidents do happen but I've no reason to think her more at risk than anyone else.

We used to do the three rings thing. Three rings as we were setting off.
Three rings to say we were home.
👌

100% this , share less, tell less, not your issue

My DM said when questioned on when the worry stops said: ‘when you die’. She still doesn’t expect me to let her know my whereabouts!

Your use of the word panicking is quite enlightening…