Parents in law obsession with arriving safely

PIL are like this, it’s annoying. Then they update the family WhatsApp as if the whole family has been on the edge of their seat waiting for news.
They are lovely generally but overstep the mark with this kind of thing.
When DH was working away weekly they’d always text him during the working day when he was usually busy and couldn’t reply so then they’d call me and ask where he was and if I knew why he wasn’t replying (always because he’s in a meeting or on the phone) and would be offended if I didn’t know where he was. He’d often start the week in one place then travel round so I was rarely sure where he until the evening when he called me.

How is it oversharing for a person to speak to their parents about a trip away?? Why can't he speak to his folks about it?

I find it really hard to be sympathetic about someone caring about you.

Of course the biggest issue is DP oversharing and telling them about our trips, which is a whole other issue that feeds the beast!

Well, exactly, You're moaning about the wrong target. Tell him he's not allowed to tell them when you're going away.

Wow.

This really does sound like it's fuelling parents' anxiety. It's not loving to make your parents more anxious. They need to dial it back by not expecting frequent checks.

In our family I will tell DB and my DPs to "have a good journey" but nobody ever calls or texts to say they are home safe. Occasionally my DM will tell me what's new at home ("got home to find next door's cat on the doorstep!") or something notable from her journey ("met your primary school teacher on the train, fancy that").

I feel this is showing we care without raising anxiety.
We never give an exact ETA to my DPs because while they travel at 6 am and beat the traffic, we travel after school and always get stuck somewhere. We tell them if we're eating on the way.

"It only takes a second" is such an annoying, wheedling way to guilt people into pandering to your anxiety. Most busy people have 100 things that "only take a second" on their to-do list and it's rude an intrusive to add another one that isn't even necessary.

I also don't understand it because I don't think I've ever once worried about a loved one who's journeying anywhere. I assume everyone is capable of getting from A to B or travelling around C safely because that's what happens 99% of the time (and the 1% where it wasn't was due to something so big that I heard about it on the news anyway). Driving a car or taking a train is such an utterly routine thing to do.

I don't consider it an expression of love to check up on someone going about something so ordinary, I consider it an expression of control - it's not that you seriously think my train home will have randomly veered off the tracks, it's that you want to ensure I'm still thinking about you.

My adult dc know that I like a text or WhatsApp to know they've arrived safely. No biggie for us, and naff all to do with their spouses in my opinion...

I always let my DM when I’ve arrived home from hers, if we stop at a services I will message a cheery message about it. Keep your phone on silent. Get DH to message

Stop being selfish and try to be a bit more understanding. It's no skin off your nose

It's normal for me and my 3 sons. We all have find my friends( I'm disabled so for safety too) DS2 and DP travel down to Cornwall frequently and I still get a text when they arrive, mainly about the traffic.
It only takes seconds to text so I don't see why it's an issue

Does anyone else also get six missed calls if they leave a hair bobble?

You don't know how busy anyone else is and yes, I will always be too busy to pander to such nonsense.

MIL makes us do this - a quick "home safe", I can deal with, but yesterday we had:

MIL: "Are you home yet?"
Me: "No, almost though, we stopped for dinner at [location less than an hour from home]. Was lovely to see you! x"
(20 mins later)
MIL: "HOME?"
Me: "Just pulling into the village now, yay!"
MIL: "Good, bet DS is tired!"
Me: smiley face
(1 hour later...)
MIL: HOME? xx (sent to me and DH)
(10 mins later)
MIL: HOME? xx (sent to me and DH)
DH: Yes, sorry, thought boxtop already said we were back in the village!
MIL: But I didn't know you'd made it actually home

He thinks she's being controlling and difficult. She is not my mum so I couldn't possibly comment.

They live a 2hr drive away down normal A-roads btw.

It takes seconds to text ‘home safely’ and it’s kind to the person who might be feeling anxious about the travel. My boys text me, without my asking, things like ‘home’, ‘arrived’ or ‘god that was a terrible journey need a sleep now’. I’m not anxious, and I don’t chase them to do it but I love that they do. When your children start driving you might be glad to know they arrived wherever safely.

BTW My husband is participating in the IOW yacht race and I will hope to hear from him when he is back safely . It’s just normal for many families to care about their loved ones 🤷‍♀️

My FIL, always texts us to say, arrived safely. I always think, yes I expect you would have done. I naturally assume the best, not the worst so tend not to have anxious thoughts. I find it strange and I’d never remember without setting an alarm. I’m not joining in and if that makes me horrible, so be it.

It isn't about the time. It's about the insidious way such checking up push the caller's anxiety right into the middle of your holiday.

Don't tell her when you're traveling until you get back. Or mute her while you're away so you don't see her messages.

I share my location and call an ETA and if I’m delayed. But I have a friend who was killed in a traffic accident so it feels different. So does ‘drive safely’.

We have quite a few roads in the vicinity of where we live that unfortunately are quite dangerousand the road that my daughter drives along with her children have many car accidents. Deer are the biggest problem for road users in our area .

Again, how do they know you’re even travelling - your OP reads like they do this even if you’re not travelling to/from them? Just don’t share your every move with them.

I don’t mind texting that I’m home but the more someone reminds me to, the less likely I would be to do it 😁

In my family it’s just an expression of love, we always make a quick call or WhatsApp when we get in to say we are home safely.
It will be sad when there is no one around to call, or care either way.

I'm trying really hard to think of a scenario where an elderly (?) couple, possibly hours away, could assist in the event of an RTA, more than the police or paramedics or even general members of the public in the immediate vicinity.