Is friend a CF? Wedding Edition!

Yes obviously, but seeing that she's posted on here rather than doing that I assume more drastic measures will be needed..

When I was planning a wedding I asked loads of people what they were having/what they’d had at their wedding, it’s called research? It doesn’t mean she’s planning to do all the same things as you.

Reading carefully it looks like the decor is the only bit she’s outright said she’d like to be the same? What kind of thing are we talking? How distinctive is it?

If the same people will be going to both the weddings, those that notice will see that it is a carbon copy of yours as yours is first! Most people won't notice though.
Let her know that she can use all your decorations but you will have to sell them to her as you can't afford to lose the money!
Say you are keeping the wedding dress a secret from everyone as you want to have one surprise on the day.
No need to fall out over this, just be firm.

The OP needs to have a possibly awkward conversation, not tell a series of lies to her friend 🙄

Well if she's your friend, tell her this

If you don't want to tell her what you are planning for your wedding just tell her you want things to be a surprise on the day. It's a compliment really that she wants to copy your ideas. You can offer to sell things to her (and if any guests notice that she has decor or other details the same as your wedding they will be thinking she has copied you).

Just tell her you can’t think about anything else at the moment but your wedding, and you are sorry but you can’t help with hers as much as she wants as you simply don’t have the time

as to the decorations if she mentions them again be honest, it’s even expensive and you want to recoupe some money so you are selling them for xx. She is welcome to first dibs but if she can’t pay then they will be sold elsewhere

If she asks for details just say
I'm keeping things / details as a surprise.

You’ve changed / would like to change the boundaries of this friendship but you haven’t communicated that.

I had been sharing a lot of this with DF as we share everything & are very close.

It seems like you have some ideas she’d like to translate into her own wedding. But also, she’s hardly going to say - ‘that sounds awful’ to things you have planned.

If you’re throwing out your decs, then she’d probably love to reuse them. But you’re not, you want to sell them. So tell her that. Perhaps she’s happy to chip in a contribution for them. Nobody will notice (guests don’t pay that much attention). If you don’t want her to have them, tell her. Make up an excuse.

(Said with kindness) I do think you’re otherwise being a little precious about it. And maybe it’s just the stress of the day being so close.

I’d expect the flower girls to keep their dresses; if you feel uneasy about her using your stuff then tell her now.

Weddings are so weird. Once yours is done, it’s done. You’re not going to use any of that stuff again. Why not give it to a friend? Or if you’d actually have been trying to sell it, give her a price.

No one remembers anything about a wedding other than the food, the drink and the music. Flower girls’ dresses, photography stuff, table favours - all forgotten the next day.

She also asked about flower girl dresses etc!

I'd tell her your colour theme has changed to throw her off the scent. Tell her you fancy something really different and out there now, and send her some pics. 😆

Guests don’t notice as much as you think!
You’re stressing and controlling could ruin the wedding and friendship,have some perspective OP.

I'd suggest she is quite lazy and likes your taste. I have a friend who did this with appliances, baby equipment and all kinds of other random stuff. I'd do all the research and then she'd just ask for the model number.

But kindly, most people don't remember all the minutiae of a wedding. The only stuff I ever remember is when it's all a bit batshit levels of hassle to set up and then clear away. Like tables decorated with billions of jam jars of "wild" flowers that have been done by the bridal party. If she orders the same bridesmaids dresses in a different colour, no one will notice a thing. Your wedding pics will look weird though :)

This a very clear reply to a CF... It's polite but firm. And I think in this instance its fine not to apologise.
It would drive me absolutely nuts to have someone looking over my shoulder, discussing my ideas and then saying "I'll do that too" not because I'd begrudge them doing something but just having the sheer noseyness of it and using me as a research bot.

I had my wedding close to a close friends wedding and we did compare notes, but it was a lovely experience because we both knew what we wanted.. there was no constant observations or nicking of ideas.

Are you invited to her wedding OP? Could you prolong the honeymoon instead?

You're weird 😂

I would say to her:

I realised we probably should set out what I’m doing with my wedding bits just in case you are relying on me. I know you probably aren’t but I was worrying it might be the case. I’m reselling most things on market place as I’ve spent a lot of money on them and some bits I’ll keep for a while for the memories/save for long distant cousin jades wedding. However, I know how much you like (wedding sign / donut wall etc) so I’m happy to gift this to yours for yours. 💕 There’s so much to organise isn’t there I’m feeling a bit frazzled but so excited!

Your suggestion is what’s weird 😂

People wonder why there’s no real sense of friendships anymore and then act like this. Just say you won’t be passing it on if it’s that big of a deal. Chances are you’ll struggle to sell it and it’ll end up sat on boxes.

We gave most of our decorations to close family and friends on the night so you could say you’ve already planned to gift different bits of the decorations to people so you wouldn’t be able to pass it on to her.

This poster is brilliant

Other than her wanting things for free this is an overreaction on your part. Being precious about decor and being unique is not very kind. You are the one not being a good friend! She sounds like a cheerleader for your wedding.

Make her the gift of being direct and honest and say that you would like the two of you to have distinct, different weddings so you would like to ensure that there's as little crossover as possible. Offer to help her find ideas that she likes just as much as yours. (But also stop sharing your own ideas.)

Just say ‘Thinking of this?’ Or ‘Maybe these?’

I'd totally lie and say the ushers are all wearing kilts and the bridesmaids wearing meringues.

She's a nobber.