Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is friend a CF? Wedding Edition!

184 replies

Goldfish92 · 01/06/2025 21:45

Finally after many years & cancelling and rebooking our wedding, me and DH to be are tying the knot this summer.

A few weeks ago, DFriend announces she has booked her own wedding a couple of weeks later. This itself would never be an issue, I realise I do not have a monopoly on wedding and I’m not the only bride in the world!

However…

As we’re trying to save money wherever we can, I have been making lots of the decor/favours/flowers etc for my wedding. I had been sharing a lot of this with DF as we share everything & are very close. She had now started to say, firstly jokingly now seriously that she’ll have all my decor after me (for free!) and she likes all my ideas etc. She’s asking what my dress is like, what food, music etc too.

I’m also feeling pressured to help with her wedding when I already feel maxed out trying to get everything done for ours with 6 weeks to go! I’ve stopped sharing things with her as it’s a) making me feel uncomfortable but b) like she’s stealing my wedding! I’d also quite like to resell as much as possible and I feel pressured to give it all to her! It’s also making me feel like my day isn’t my own.

AIBU?!

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Thread gallery
6
BakelikeBertha · 20/06/2025 19:37

I'm glad to hear that someone has had a word OP, I'm not one bit surprised she was defensive, she was hoping that you wouldn't cop on to her being a CF!

Agapornis · 20/06/2025 18:33

Well done. Glad they're happy to speak up for you.

Original poster
Goldfish92 · 20/06/2025 18:20

Update: DF & DSis have had a “gentle” word & they said CFF friend was defensive but then claimed she’d never “steal the spotlight” from me…but I guess we’ll wait and see.

OP posts:
TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 20/06/2025 12:09

I think that given you have two people organising yours, you should ask if they would mind being bad cops on this occasion and leaving you out of a conversation that it is Your Hen.

CoraPirbright · 19/06/2025 17:41

…why is this another thing I’m dreading now!…

oh OP I am so sorry. I know she’s (supposed to be) a friend of yours but this makes her sound absolutely horrible.

Original poster
Goldfish92 · 17/06/2025 19:10

SuperTrooper14 · 17/06/2025 18:27

Oh god, she's going to turn up to yours with a matching bride sash!

Who is organising yours? Can you have a word with them and explain you are worried CFF might try to hijack yours and you're not having it? If your hens have a group chat you're not in, she might have already started hinting!

Show quote history

One of my best friends is organising it, my sister has been helping too! BF has already sent me a message about CFF hen party plans as she was also invited, why is this another thing I’m dreading now!

OP posts:
Agapornis · 17/06/2025 19:07

Tell you bridesmaids/hen do organisers to bring scissors to cut her sash. Maybe some tar and feathers. Definitely get them on board to police her behaviour.

SuperTrooper14 · 17/06/2025 18:27

Goldfish92 · 17/06/2025 18:16

I hadn’t thought this but I can totally see her unofficially hijacking if not a joint Hen, she’ll want us to be the “brides” and I’m sorry it’s another thing I’m not sharing Confused

Show quote history

Oh god, she's going to turn up to yours with a matching bride sash!

Who is organising yours? Can you have a word with them and explain you are worried CFF might try to hijack yours and you're not having it? If your hens have a group chat you're not in, she might have already started hinting!

Original poster
Goldfish92 · 17/06/2025 18:16

gavisconismyfriend · 16/06/2025 21:51

Be careful. She’ll be suggesting a joint hen next as so many people can’t go to hers…..

I hadn’t thought this but I can totally see her unofficially hijacking if not a joint Hen, she’ll want us to be the “brides” and I’m sorry it’s another thing I’m not sharing Confused

OP posts:
Jabberwok · 16/06/2025 22:36

If it's any consolation op, my wife's sister got married 3 years after us. The wedding was identical apart from the dresses and the starter for the meal!!!

Same venue, same church,same cars, same bridesmaids bar different chief bridesmaids....used all the same suppliers.

But we laughed at her about it and it allowed us to take in some bits of our wedding we'd not noticed.

Macklemup · 16/06/2025 22:18

gavisconismyfriend · 16/06/2025 21:51

Be careful. She’ll be suggesting a joint hen next as so many people can’t go to hers…..

I wouldn't at all be surprised and then make out you are being selfish and unreasonable.

I really hope you are seeing her clearly.

gavisconismyfriend · 16/06/2025 21:51

Be careful. She’ll be suggesting a joint hen next as so many people can’t go to hers…..

Original poster
Goldfish92 · 16/06/2025 21:19

To answer a few questions: yes same set of friends apart from a few work/old friends! A few have already said they won’t be going to hers as they’ve already committed the time/money to mine & lots have young kids too so don’t want two weekends in a row out and about. CF not messaged me directly apart from in the group but I can feel a bit response coming looking at her replies to other friends who’ve said they can’t go to hers! If it matters, mine is a pre planned weekend with pre booked activities, she’s just throwing together a cocktail bar craw in our local town.
She’s also defo not marrying my fiancé, he’s already told me how much she’s annoying him as it should be our time, I didn’t think men worried as much about this so I hadn’t really bothered him with it!

OP posts:
Spanglemum02 · 16/06/2025 13:43

Weddings don't have to be original but I can understand why you're fed up with your friend's behaviour. Does she always copy you ? Is she jealous of you? Apart from the hen do she is going to look daft because she's copied everything off you. Just concentrate on your wedding.

SamDeanCas · 16/06/2025 13:36

Are the same set of friends going to both hens?

wizzywig · 16/06/2025 13:31

Just check she isn't marrying your fiance

4forksache · 16/06/2025 09:07

And you don’t need to go to the hen do if you prefer not to. Say you are too busy.

Peppermintpatpat · 16/06/2025 09:07

Springadorable · 01/06/2025 21:47

Just say that of course she can have it, you were planning on listing it all as a bundle on marketplace for £800 but she can have it for £600 if she's keen and no worries if she's not.

And leave the ball in her court.

This.

4forksache · 16/06/2025 09:06

Mutual friends will be secretly, or maybe not so secretly judging. Nobody will think this is acceptable at all, so I wouldn’t worry about it. Don’t slag her off though, as that will make you come out of this badly. She’s doing enough damage herself. Just mutter “yes it’s a pity it’s so close” if people comment, but don’t go into it any deeper than that.

Macklemup · 16/06/2025 08:37

She really isn't your friend, thats for sure.
Stop sharing anything with her.

She sounds like a frenemy.

juststrutting · 16/06/2025 00:45

She is taking the piss!

FrankyGoesToBollywood · 15/06/2025 21:34

I’d say to her that you’d be delighted to share the cost of decorations with her and offer to go 50:50 saying you can both use them.

Itisjustmyopinion · 15/06/2025 21:06

Goldfish92 · 15/06/2025 20:47

I knew it was coming so not a massive shock but I already know I’m going to get grief as I will definitely not be able to attend!

Is she not becoming a laughing stick with your friends?

I know if I had you as a friend who had been planning their wedding for a long time and another friend started organising things last minute to trump the already arranged plans she would be getting told that she is a joke and coming across as pathetic

user2848502016 · 15/06/2025 20:51

Just stop helping her, you have your own wedding to focus on. It doesn’t have to be a big deal, next time she asks for something just say “I’m going to try and sell everything to help with costs”. If she’s offended by that it’s her problem.
It’s also completely reasonable to say you’re keeping your dress/colour scheme a surprise, most brides do.

DontStopMe · 15/06/2025 20:49

If I was one of the people being invited to both, I think I'd be very unimpressed by your friend. Are they both local night-out type of events, or on a bigger scale? Have your guests already responded to your invitation?

Swipe left for the next trending thread