Page 6 | Cleaner threw away/moved/stole my secret booze stash

Dubaichocisbetterthanexpected · 2025-06-01T20:29:02+00:00

I rarely drink, I haven’t since Dv was born and since Peri kicked in and made me ill, every time I did. Things have been stressful recently and Ive been having the odd drink on the balcony at sunset on my own. I usually don’t drink it all and usually put the remainder behind my bedroom patio shutters outside Anyway, I came to have some tonight and they’ve all gone, cleaners came yesterday so an assuming it’s them as they clean the patio area too Why would they do that?

MiracleCures · 01/06/2025 23:29

The secret drinking is not a good habit to have, so they have done you a favour.

Every week or so I see a middle aged man in taking a bag of bottles of cider to put it in the bin on our dog walk. It makes me so sad.

Don't make alcohol into a secret, it's a terrible slippery slope.

laclochette · 01/06/2025 23:28

@Dubaichocisbetterthanexpected I'm not sure what you mean by "not making a big deal out of it", sorry. I think it's deffo ok to decide not to have alcohol in the house - if that's a decision you want to make! Just be open and clear about it and if your daughter ever asks about it, I would really try to be open with her about it rather than try to brush her questions aside - candour and transparency are always the best approach, age-appropriately of course when it comes to kids! But equally you don't need to proclaim your decision from the rooftops. It's your house, your call, and your decision to own if anyone ever asks.

Tartantotty · 01/06/2025 23:23

Don't blame the cleaners, they probably assumed the bottles were finished with since they were on your patio. If you have to hide bottles you have a problem. It's probably not serious but have a think about the way forward.

Tigergirl80 · 01/06/2025 23:21

Dubaichocisbetterthanexpected · 01/06/2025 23:08

Someone homeless got into my home, went upstairs, into my room, onto the terrace and took them 😬

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Apologies I don’t know the layout of your house. When you said outside I was thinking back garden.

I’ve just looked up what Summerbys is. I’m not a cider drinker so be why I’ve not heard of it. But noticed it’s in bottles.They could have been knocked over and smashed? Or the wind has knocked them over? It’s been windy where I live last few days for sure. The cleaner or your DH might have just cleared it up & forgot to let you know. Don’t just assume someone has took it. They wouldn’t risk their job over some cheap bottles of plonk.

Original poster

Dubaichocisbetterthanexpected · 01/06/2025 23:19

bridgetreilly · 01/06/2025 23:16

No idea. But it’s at least as likely as the cleaner. And either way, he needs to know about it.

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Why?

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Original poster

Dubaichocisbetterthanexpected · 01/06/2025 23:19

laclochette · 01/06/2025 23:15

Please believe me when I say that children are far more observant than we adults like to think, and that all of us tend to have a weird feeling when something is being hidden or kept from us even if we can't quite see or put our finger on what it is. It will be much more damaging to your daughter to drink secretly than to have the odd, healthy, normal drink in front of her. I speak from some experience here. Anything parents do secretively gets coded as shameful for their kids. When we attach shame to things they get twisted and distorted for us and we are much more likely to develop disordered behaviour around them. By drinking in secret you are signalling to your daughter that drinking is shameful. She is much less likely therefore to have a normal healthy relationship with alcohol herself. On the other hand, modelling positive - controlled, open, transparent, considerate - behaviour around alcohol in front of her will help her develop a positive relationship with it herself. Drink, or don't drink, but don't create a culture of secrecy and therefore shame around drinking in your home that will shape your daughter forever.

Edited

You’re right, thank you

Do you think it’s ok to just carry on with rarely having booze in the house, but not making a big deal out of it?
i will knock this phase on the head so won’t get more

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Jaggy1 · 01/06/2025 23:18

OP, I’d bin this thread off. There is few more taboo things on MN than someone enjoying a drink. You’ll be signposted to your nearest rehab shortly.

The stashing it is a bit weird, even more so I think for the reasons you give. At least get a cool box or something for the patio for it! I definitely think you do have some lingering feeling around drinking in the house, but you know yourself your drinking is nothing like your dad, you would not come across to dc as he did to you.

bridgetreilly · 01/06/2025 23:16

Dubaichocisbetterthanexpected · 01/06/2025 23:14

Do you think it’s him?

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No idea. But it’s at least as likely as the cleaner. And either way, he needs to know about it.

laclochette · 01/06/2025 23:15

Please believe me when I say that children are far more observant than we adults like to think, and that all of us tend to have a weird feeling when something is being hidden or kept from us even if we can't quite see or put our finger on what it is. It will be much more damaging to your daughter to drink secretly than to have the odd, healthy, normal drink in front of her. I speak from some experience here. Anything parents do secretively gets coded as shameful for their kids. When we attach shame to things they get twisted and distorted for us and we are much more likely to develop disordered behaviour around them. By drinking in secret you are signalling to your daughter that drinking is shameful. She is much less likely therefore to have a normal healthy relationship with alcohol herself. On the other hand, modelling positive - controlled, open, transparent, considerate - behaviour around alcohol in front of her will help her develop a positive relationship with it herself. Drink, or don't drink, but don't create a culture of secrecy and therefore shame around drinking in your home that will shape your daughter forever.

Original poster

Dubaichocisbetterthanexpected · 01/06/2025 23:14

bridgetreilly · 01/06/2025 23:12

You need to talk to your DP.

Do you think it’s him?

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Original poster

Dubaichocisbetterthanexpected · 01/06/2025 23:14

Annascaul · 01/06/2025 23:10

Isn’t the terrace on the outside of your home?

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Yes…but second floor, upstairs, coming off my bedroom. They’d have to break in and go upstairs or climb up the outside walls of my house 🤷🏻‍♀️

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bridgetreilly · 01/06/2025 23:12

You need to talk to your DP.

Annascaul · 01/06/2025 23:10

Dubaichocisbetterthanexpected · 01/06/2025 23:08

Someone homeless got into my home, went upstairs, into my room, onto the terrace and took them 😬

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Isn’t the terrace on the outside of your home?

Winter2020 · 01/06/2025 23:09

If you want to have a drink I would suggest you wait for your husband to put your daughter to bed and have a drink with your husband rather than creeping about having a secret drink while your husband is not allowed to drink in the house. That's pretty hypocritical.

I would keep your drinking to only once or twice a week as I believe you could be more likely to become alcohol dependent if your parent was. I'm not sure if that's behavioural or genetic but I believe it is the case.

You don't need to hide having a single drink from your child. Most adults have a drink now and again. Fortunately she will not see drunk people/drunken aggression etc as you did.

Original poster

Dubaichocisbetterthanexpected · 01/06/2025 23:08

Tigergirl80 · 01/06/2025 22:55

It’s an odd place to leave it. Wtf would leave it there? Ask dh before accusing anyone. But if you’ve left it outside anyone could have got their hands on it. Especially kids or someone homeless spotted it and went to investigate.

Someone homeless got into my home, went upstairs, into my room, onto the terrace and took them 😬

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Denimrules · 01/06/2025 23:08

If it's outside in the weather we have been having it will be warm and anyone cleaning would easily assume that it's rubbish/not wanted if it's something that should be in a fridge

Original poster

Dubaichocisbetterthanexpected · 01/06/2025 23:05

Pallisers · 01/06/2025 22:44

OP, I think how you were reared is really affecting what you think is normal or not around alcohol. You saw your father taking a bottle of wine for himself to drink away from everyone. And what you took from that is don't show your children that you drink alcohol, don't drink alcohol in front of them.

But in actual fact you are replicating how your father drank - in his room on his own. I don't think you are an alcoholic or even that you have a problem with drinking but you do have a disordered view of what is normal.

My mum - and her entire family - was teetotal my dad would have a pint once a week at his local. I never saw him drunk. We had a drinks cupboard in our sideboard with whisky, vodka and sherry (this was pre-wine days) - for the get together where someone would like a drink. No one thought about it. No one worried about it.

I'd take a moment to think about how you want to mirror drinking alcohol to your dd. Is it a secret guilty pleasure you hide or something normal and controlled that happens every now and then.

I was once at a meeting at work where we were discussing how to communicate something and someone said "do we have to tell people?" and the communications person said "well if we can't tell people we are doing it, should we be doing it??"

Yes, I think you’re right

When my parents come to stay, I remind them that we don’t have alcohol in the house, probably seems so uptight to others and odd, but even seeing my dad get a bit silly after drinking makes me so anxious and I vowed never to have Dd around that.

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Original poster

Dubaichocisbetterthanexpected · 01/06/2025 22:59

Tiswa · 01/06/2025 22:41

@Dubaichocisbetterthanexpected have you had any therapy about yiur childhood and how your Dads drinking has affected you.

because no I don’t think you are an alcoholic I do think you have some disordered thinking around it that is potentially harmful.

No, I just get on with it. When younger I drank to excess and had horrible behaviour when drunk, so early twenties I scaled right back and knew when enough was had. I drank normally after that, wine on a Friday, few drinks when out. Then I got pregnant and have not had a lot at all since then and didn’t really want any until recently
Dd as I say, has seen us having the odd drink with friends previously, don’t think she even noticed/is aware. I’ve said, when she asked, that wine and beer etc is for adults and doesn’t taste great, but I didn’t make a big deal of it…so far it’s been ok, I just will need to keep my anxiety about it in check for her. Dh doesn’t drink at home though, he knows I hate it, is that normal? Before Dd we’d have a bottle of wine at home or beers in the fridge, we don’t now, just don’t have it in the house (until my recent trying of it again)

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Tigergirl80 · 01/06/2025 22:55

It’s an odd place to leave it. Wtf would leave it there? Ask dh before accusing anyone. But if you’ve left it outside anyone could have got their hands on it. Especially kids or someone homeless spotted it and went to investigate.

AzureShark · 01/06/2025 22:53

You saw your father taking a bottle of wine for himself to drink away from everyone. And what you took from that is don't show your children that you drink alcohol, don't drink alcohol in front of them. But in actual fact you are replicating how your father drank - in his room on his own. I don't think you are an alcoholic or even that you have a problem with drinking but you do have a disordered view of what is normal

This is bang on.

TryForSpring · 01/06/2025 22:53

TryForSpring · 01/06/2025 22:41

I will just go back to not buying it then I think

That’s not really the answer. You need to look at your own attitude to drinking, to dealing with stressful times, to finding a bit of peace in the day. Otherwise it’s just more slamming the lid down and denying there is anytime to see it deal with.

These books/websites could be a good starting place for you;

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/1558749527/ref=tmmpapswatch0

https://nacoa.org.uk/support-advice/for-adults/

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Adult-Children-Alcoholics-Janet-Woititz-ebook/dp/B07Q72P5M8?ref=astauthormpb

Edited

Urgh! Otherwise it’s just more slamming the lid down and denying that there is anything to see/deal with.

Hoogey · 01/06/2025 22:50

Dubaichocisbetterthanexpected · 01/06/2025 21:36

I don’t really feel the need, but it’s just my little thing, we don’t generally have alcohol in the house since Dd came along, not keen to drink in front of her, it’s just my peaceful time alone

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Ask your cleaner?

Harriethulas · 01/06/2025 22:49

You need to just drink it inside, in front of her like a normal person. Hiding it away will make her think it is shameful to have a casual drink or two at home (which it isn’t at all) and will give her disordered thinking around alcohol. This will just make her hide her drinking as she gets older through shame. You’re really not helping her by behaving in such a strange way.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 01/06/2025 22:46

I'd first double check with DH if he moved them, and if not, text the cleaner "Hi Glenda, I'm not sure if it was you who moved the Somersby bottles from the balcony, but if it was, will you please just leave any bottles there be, thanks"

TicketyBoo11 · 01/06/2025 22:44

I see you are not trusting yourself with your drinking so maybe to normalise the situation you could still enjoy your drink by sharing a nightcap with your husband on your sunset balcony. You can talk about the day and unwind. Be normal and keep a chilled bottle in the fridge, when it’s gone it’s gone .. No secrets. In the meantime please come back and tell us what the cleaner did with your empties, you have to ask them - don’t torture yourself with conspiracy.