Cleaner threw away/moved/stole my secret booze stash

Just ask the cleaner in a non-accusatory way.

I don't drink OP, I've been teetotal for almost 20 years but I do have alcohol in the house, openly. It sounds like you have a wider issue with alcohol, whether you are ready to admit it or not. There's nothing wrong with a child seeing you with a drink, in fact I think that's a lot healthier than smelling it on your breath and seeing hidden bottles in weird places.

And yet, once again not the point of the thread.

No, she says alcohol made her ill since peri menopause so they didn’t keep alcohol in the house any more, until the last couple of weeks when she has discovered that one or two ciders no longer makes her ill. She’s clarified that she hasn’t told her DS yet - not that she doesn’t want to tell him, and that if he found it he’d probably either put it in the fridge or drink it. Nothing sinister and no concerns about her drinking.

FFS! How on earth would MNs know what the cleaners did? The secret alcohol was far more important (and interesting) than speculation about the cleaners.

No it’s not. The people on this thread are making it an unhealthy relationship with alcohol - as is the depressing norm on any MN thread about alcohol people are projecting their own experiences and are desperate to convince OP she’s on the road to ruin. One small bottle of cider a couple of times a week is not an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. OP is not hiding in a cupboard or locking herself in the bathroom to drink a bottle of gin very day, she’s relaxing with a small bottle of cider on a nice evening once or twice a week on her bedroom terrace.

OP has brought the pile on on herself to a certain extent by using the word ‘secret’ in the title and most posters are clinging to that for dear life as proof she has a ‘problem’. She’s explained what she meant several times and clarified her reasons - which are perfectly reasonable. If l had to make one comment it would be not to be worried about her DD seeing her drinking - OP doesn’t drink to anywhere near excess and it would encourage a healthy relationship with alcohol to be more open about the odd drink here and there. But to suggest she’s developing a concerning and escalating habit for which she should seek help is utterly batshit.

Why not just do what most people do, and have a selection of alcohol in the house that you offer to guests and/or have as an occasional treat after a tough day or on a Saturday night?

If I was your cleaner I would have assumed it had been left there by mistake - would have thrown away the open ones ( as I think it's just cider) and returned the others to the kitchen.

You maybe just need to ask?

@Dubaichocisbetterthanexpected
So your DH doesn’t drink at home because you hate it. And you’re secretly drinking and don’t want to tell him!!
Youre making all the excuses under the sun, dd, relaxing evening, balcony etc….
@Dubaichocisbetterthanexpected you definitely have a problem with alcohol, you may not actual drink too much yet, but you definitely have a problem.
Get some help before this escalates

Ask the cleaner where they gave out them? Might just be in a kitchen cupboard?

Dh doesn’t drink at home though, he knows I hate it

So perhaps he got rid of it out of concern for you? Have you let him know you don't hate it?

oh what’s that quote from hamlet, something about protesting too much? Op you are allowed a drink, you’ve a poor relationship with booze because of your dad. You are not your dad. Kids are fine seeing normal and infrequent alcohol consumption, what you are doing makes it seem a secret bad thing, that will be more damaging for your child. Your child is not you.

How do you know? She might well have come across it when playing.

Plus your cleaner may have thought it was left out there by accident and that it should not be where a small child might find and drink it.

the bit that jumped out at me is “I’ve said, when she asked, that wine and beer etc is for adults and doesn’t taste great, but I didn’t make a big deal of it”

why say it doesn’t taste great? This can be confusing for kids - why would an adult drink it if it doesn’t taste great. You could have said it’s for adults and stopped there.

with your Dad there is clearly some trauma around alcohol (understandably). But hiding drink and telling your daughter this isn’t great. It is inadvertently making it a big deal by it being all ‘secret’

FFS, the OP didn't ask for peoples opinions on whether she's got a drinking problem, she asked about her cleaners.

MN is so strange sometimes.

Leaving an open bottle of cider 'hidden' behind a door is pretty stupid with a child in the house - they could easily find it and drink it. And as per PP, anyone who is hiding alcohol has an issue.

I wouldn't say you are an alcoholic like some posters suggest but you definitely have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol which many of us have pointed out (drinking in secret, hiding bottles, not wanting to have alcohol in front of your child).

There is the possibility your partner found the bottles and got rid of them. By removing them he is perhaps giving you a signal he has noticed your drinking and is waiting for you to open up and speak to him.

I do find it hypocritical that you won't allow alcohol in the house and therefore your partner isn't allowed a drink, yet you are seeming to think what you are doing (hiding the drinking) is ok and normal.
Surely he smells it on you afterwards?

There really is nothing wrong with having a drink on your balcony but the issue is the secrecy around it.

@QurikySparrowHatrack An alcoholic isn't determined by how much someone drinks but their emotional relationship with alcohol. All recovering alcoholics who are "dry" drink no units per week, yet have a hugely problematic relationship with alcohol, and will do their entire lives. This is why there is no such thing as an ex-alcoholic.

I don't necessarily mean that OP is an alcoholic, to be clear. I'm just giving this as evidence that we don't define a problematic relationship with alcohol based on alcohol consumption.

OP is the child of an alcoholic, this much we do know, and this in itself often means people develop a disordered relationship with alcohol themselves, even if it is not if it is what gets called alcoholism.

@JemimaPiddlepot From what I've read you seem to think that an unhealthy relationship with alcohol is dependent on the quantities of alcohol a person drinks (eg if they drink to excess). But that is not the measure of an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. Clearly OP isn't drinking a worrying quantity of alcohol. What determines whether someone has an unhealthy relationship with alcohol is their emotions and behaviours around alcohol. In OP's case these include shame and secrecy, which unfortunately is just another word for deception. These are not healthy emotions and behaviours to engage in or enmesh your family members in. This is why I and others are flagging an issue. It's not about units per week.

I bet you are so pleased that you decided to share your alcohol dependency issues with Mumsnet! 😀😀

You say DH doesn't drink at home because he knows you hate it. And yet you're drinking at home?

Drinking a couple of nights a week is normal. Sitting alone on a balcony having a drink in the nice weather is also really normal.

Hiding it from your family, not keeping it in the fridge and then starting a thread accusing your cleaner, instead of asking your partner, is not normal.

You're leaving bottles on the patio. Of course the cleaner binned them.

Stop being dodgy with alcohol.

So you are hiding it from your partner. I’m with everyone else, sorry.

Have you asked the cleaner?