Cleaner threw away/moved/stole my secret booze stash

As for the cleaners. I think they’d have binned it. Not many people would leave a small bottle of cider alongside an empty if they intended to drink it. It’s a bit unfair to jump to “theft” as a conclusion!

after your upbringing I can understand that you don’t want your daughter to see you habitually drinking in the house of evening when it’s not a special occasion etc.

the bit I find stranger is that your hiding it from your DH? Why is there a need to hide it from him?

if you can’t trust him not to steal it, that’s an issue. Or is that the 2 of you have a pact not to drink in the house and you’re worried if you do have the odd drink, he will have a “pass” and do the same?

my Dd is 10 and i rarely drink in the house on my own but I have a bottle of Prosecco in the fridge, a few cocktail cans and a couple of bottles of beer. All been there since Christmas. I’m single and don’t even like beer but it just happens to be there. I don’t even know if my Dd has noticed much. It’s certainly not a “thing” - she knows it’s alcohol and only for adults. She also knows it’s not something I drink often but maybe would have 1 or 2 if I had friends round or was on a night out.

i think it’s good for them to see parents have a healthy relationship with alcohol rather than see it as a taboo? Or worse, something that mum & dad hid?

She has guilt at the thought of her DD ever seeing her drinking at home, or knowing that she ever drinks at home. I think that's understandable, not alarming.

She doesn't think the terrace doesn't count as part of the house, she is just confident that DD won't find it there, and its convenient.

That she has also hidden it from her DP is a little different, but seems to be driven by not wanting him to consume it (like her snack stashes). I think the OP could maybe reflect on that, though, and consider cutting DP in on the stash!

In any event, I think that various of the responses on this thread are likely to have exacerbated the OP's (mild) hangups, rather than have helped her (if she even needed help).

Posters are generally saying that it's fine to enjoy a drink on a balcony after a long day. What I and others find alarming is the OP's strange attitude.

She has contradicted herself multiple times - calling it a secret stash, then saying it's not secret, but her DH doesn't know... Saying she doesn't want alcohol in the house because if her past, but seeming to think the terrace doesn't count, then claiming that actually she hides the bottles outside just because that's her preferred place to drink... Saying she doesn't want her DH to drink at home but still drinking herself...

Her thought process is either not rational, or she's fooling herself, or she's trying to fool others. Whatever the case, she doesn't seem to be relaxed, happy and living her best life.

It might be a flag, but it isnt determinative, and I think many of the posters on this thread are being absolutely absurd.

But the daughter is in bed so she wouldn’t see her mum drinking anyway

@QurikySparrowHatrack we can get into the different psychiatric and medical details but ultimately my point is that acting deceitfully around alcohol (ie hiding consumption) is a flag that something isn't right in someone's relationship with alcohol.

An alcoholic is not determined by their emotional relationship with alcohol (at least, not by any clinical guidelines or diagnostic standards that I can find. An alcoholic (well, someone with an AUD) is, broadly, someone who is impaired in their ability to control their drinking. Clearly, that is not true of the OP.

Also, the idea that there is "no such thing" as an ex-alcoholic is scientifically controversial and stigmatizing. I know its what organizations like AA teach, but theirs has been criticized as a pseudo-scientific belief system...albeit, one that rings true for the majority.

More modern studies show that moderation management can and does work for some (although it is still a somewhat emerging area of research, as there's previously been a rather dogmatic adherence and promotion of abstinence in all cases).

You are cherry-picking your quotes. What is a 'secret stash' if it's not hidden? She doesn't want alcohol in the house but has alcohol in the house. OP keeps rowing back on what she wrote earlier. Maybe she's in denial too?

You haven't read them very well since the OPs posts explain everything you've just said.

Dubaichocisbetterthanexpected · Yesterday 21:33

helpfulperson · Yesterday 21:30

Do you have a partner who may be concerned about your secret booze stash and has moved it?

I wouldn’t have thought he’d even see it there, he wouldn’t be concerned as I barely drink, if anything he’d drink it, but don’t think that has happened

Dubaichocisbetterthanexpected · Yesterday 21:36

cryinglaughing · Yesterday 21:33

Why do you feel the need to hide it?

I don’t really feel the need, but it’s just my little thing, we don’t generally have alcohol in the house since Dd came along, not keen to drink in front of her, it’s just my peaceful time alone

Dubaichocisbetterthanexpected · Yesterday 21:39

Vatsallfolks · Yesterday 21:36

Why do you feel the need to hide it ? That’s my greatest concern.

As I said above I don’t feel the need to hide it, just not a fan of drinking in front of Dd. My dad was/is an alcoholic (he wouldn’t say so, but he is) I hated seeing him drink, I vowed to not have booze in the house, which we don’t as I barely drink normally and Dh will have a few with colleagues on a Friday night, we don’t buy in anymore since Dd was born

Dubaichocisbetterthanexpected · Yesterday 21:41

TooBigForMyBoots · Yesterday 21:39

I doubt it was the cleaners.

It's much more likely that your secret drinking isn't a secret anymore and your DP has binned it.

He wouldn’t though, if he found he’d either put in the fridge or polish them off himself

Dubaichocisbetterthanexpected · Yesterday 21:46

PinkyFlamingo · Yesterday 21:43

So leaving it on the patio is ok because that means you "don't have alcohol in the house"? You're fooling yourself.

Show quote history
That my Dd can see/find no

Dubaichocisbetterthanexpected · Yesterday 21:51

Annascaul · Yesterday 21:48

Op, absolutely nobody who doesn’t have problems with alcohol has a “secret booze stash”, hidden outside their house.

It’s to hide from Dd, ive said this. Pre Dd we just had wine/beer in the fridge like normal people. Its also because I sit up there, so Dh doesn’t pinch it etc

Dubaichocisbetterthanexpected · Yesterday 22:04

Annascaul · Yesterday 22:01

Would a 6 year old be traumatised by seeing a bottle of cider in the fridge? 🤔

No of course not, but seeing me sat drinking alone..I know she wouldn’t be traumatised by that, I just don’t like it somehow

Dubaichocisbetterthanexpected · Yesterday 22:07

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · Yesterday 22:03

The drinking outside in secret and hiding the bottles is far more worrisome than a 6yo seeing their parent have a glass of wine with dinner in front of them. Your past has understandably given you issues.

I’m not drinking outside in secret, I sit there as it’s so peaceful to look out at sunset, I don’t want a glass of wine with dinner etc

Dubaichocisbetterthanexpected · Yesterday 22:11

Butteredtoast55 · Yesterday 22:08

I would say I 'barely drink' as I have a glass at Christmas and on New Years Eve, and maybe as a toast at a wedding. I don't have occasional drinks every day or two and hide the bottles behind patio shutters. You seem to think other people are downing a bottle a night, but that's the exception not the norm.
I think your DH has found them and moved them, possibly concerned you are drinking more than you say you are. I assume he knows you like to pop out to have a drink outside, alone?

Edited
Show quote history
Its only the last couple of weeks, I drank similar to your pattern before. Dh doesn’t know I don’t think as it’s just my quiet time if it’s his turn for Dds bedtime

OP and her DH live in the same house and share the bedroom with the balcony. Unless she's forbidden him from walking around the house, he could walk in at any time and see her enjoying a quiet drink alone.

She's not pounding vodka behind a locked bathroom door.

Do you have DC? Are there things you don't want them to see you doing? Does that mean you're hiding something and that's suggestive that you have a problem with that thing?

But you're not your father. You're not an alcoholic.

If you do carry on as a secret cider drinker and your child finds out, or your DH, that's a much worse look.

Surely it's healthier that your child sees you modelling drinking in moderation rather than drinking alone and hiding it, therefore turning it into the shameful secret you keep insisting it's not? This is exactly why people posting here think you have a problem.

@ByBlueMoose I have read all of OPs comments. You say she isn't hiding it but doesn't want DD to see her drinking. That sounds like hiding it to me. She also said she doesn't want alcohol in the house and doesn't want DH to drink in the house so that means she's hiding it from him too. And what's the big difference between 'in the house' and just outside the house? That doesn't sound very normal to me and it all sounds like hiding it.

If the cleaner threw them out then surely they should be in the bin - can you go and check?

And it not I would text them to ask if they have seen them.

Did you not read the OPs multiple posts where she said she isn't hiding it but just doesn't want her DD to see her drinking at home alone? Because she has bad memories of her Dad doing that when she was a child.

Then dozens of posters continued to TELL OP she clearly has a drinking problem and is hiding it from her DP and fooling/lying to herself or that she has 'disordered thinking around alcohol' an 'unhealthy relationship with alcohol' and is doing things that are 'not normal'.

I swear 90% of MN can't even be arsed to read the OPs posts and just make it up as they go along.

Press see all of OPs posts and they're entirely normal and utterly reasonable.

The poor woman only asked people's opinions on why the cleaner might have thrown away her bottle of cider? And had a ton of fan-fiction accusations and armchair psychologists telling her she needs professional help.

I usually only drink on special occasions. Every now and then I fancy a drink, buy it, and put it in the fridge.

It wouldn't occur to me to hide it from DH. Why would it, unless you're worried you'll want to drink more and don't want the judgment?

The odd drink isn't an issue. Hiding that you're drinking is a red flag though.

I don't need to read it again. I have said there in no problem having a couple of drinks but the fact she is hiding it is an issue. Due to growing up with an alcoholic she obviously is feeling guilty drinking while in the same house as her daughter. Her actions around the drinking is what is not healthy.

It’s tricky. Most people would use that time to catch up with whatever. Then when kiddo is in bed, breathe a sigh of relief and enjoy a tipple together or at least in view of the other, not hiding it.

If you read the OP again, she says she has a drink on the nights her DH does bedtime, so hardly sneaking off is it ? This thread is batshit.

That’s really not an answer is it ?

But she’s not hiding them is she ? They’re on the balcony of her bedroom because that’s where she enjoys an occasional drink. And the only reason they’re there is because she grew up with an alcoholic father and doesn’t want her DD to see her drinking even moderately. This has only been happening for a couple of weeks, so it’s very possible she’s pondering how to approach it with her DD.

FFS

So much projection on this thread and outright batshittery.

I grew up with an alcoholic so I can see why you have gone this route. Surely it would be better to model a healthy relationship with alcohol to your dc. I have 2 teen dc's we have alcohol in the house. I so drink in front of them so they can see what moderation looks like. Also so they can see that I can have one drink with Sunday lunch and still be a normal Mum or that I can be the designated driver and not drink and still be fun. I want them to see that alcohol doesn't need to be a social crutch and it certainly shouldn't be secretive or medicinal....to help you manage your stress. You need to reflect on your own relationship with alcohol, it doesn't sound very healthy to me.

Have you actually asked the cleaners?

You’re Freddie Starr and it was a hamster, stop drinking so much 🍻!

🤣🤣🤣🤣

I don't think I've ever seen anything so ridiculous as calling someone who has a single drink twice a week a problem drinker. I don't care if she drinks it on her balcony or on top of the chimney pot , it's a couple of drinks in a little chill out ceremony to herself at the end of the day FFS!