To be so indecisive about how many children I want

I had four children close together in my first marriage, got divorced, re-married and had another one after a large age gap so I have experienced of both. Four children meant money was tight, we didn't have fancy holidays or expensive clothes and presents but they always had each other to play with. When I had my fifth there was more money, we had the holidays abroad, she had nice clothes and more stuff than her older siblings had. Who do I feel sorry for? The youngest - I feel that she was the one who missed out.

I think from what you’ve said, you should have another. I’ve heard 3 - 3 1/2 years is the best age gap (not sure how true this is)

I'm an only and my parents have both passed, both very young.

No. I never wanted a sibling with any intensity (moments of "what if...?", but in reality I wouldn't have liked it as by the time I was old enough to be thinking it, the age gap would have been too large anyway, and that's supposing that we did actually get on...). I had plenty of friends, I liked being with my parents.

And it was deeply unpleasant and devastating when they died, but I can't in any way imagine that having a sibling would have made any difference to that. In fact, I suspect for me it would have been one more person for me to support through their grief, rather than being able to process my own & receive support from people less closely affected.

I know many many people who do not get on with or see their siblings (far more than are close to their siblings).

I also know many older people where only one of the (adult) children ended up responsible for the care of the parents as they aged, and then was responsible for sorting out the estates after they passed. The other siblings were full of advice and "you should...", but didn't share the load at all, just received the cash later.

So if you, personally, and DH aren't desperately wanting a second, don't do it. There is so much angst here about "not giving children a sibling", but as far as I've ever heard, it's very rare that children who have always been onlys actually want siblings in any meaningful way. It's the parents' fear, not the child's reality, that mostly seems to drive them.

not really OP. My mum had 3 siblings. When my beloved gran died, all the load of her care was dumped on her (and me). They carried merrily on with their lives as soon as the funeral ended, spent her money lie water and offered no support. We sought support in each other and our chosen family. Siblings are not a guaranteed support network. In fact seeing that has put me off a large family.

I would do it too. I think two is manageable and not a whole lot more expensive. It does help to have someone to lean on when parents get ill or die, even if you aren’t particularly close.

I also think things like Christmas and holidays are much more fun with a sibling! Go for it. It’s only number 2, not number 4!

Give it time because I think when you know, you know.

After my first, I didn’t want another straight away or thought maybe in the future. But then bit by bit I just knew I wanted a second and I was absolutely certain about it. I did have my second and now I just know I’m done and I feel done.

Perhaps just give it a little bit of time and see how the feelings develop because I think you’ll know.

Only do it for you and your DH though, kids thrive with or without siblings so makes no sense to do it through guilt or some perception that only children are lonely because I just don’t think that’s true!

Fwiw, my mum died in January and despite having two siblings, I still had no one to share the emotional load with, as they had difficult relationships with her. So did I, but I was the one who truly grieves her and I had to do almost all the sorting out.

I don't think anyone has a set idea about how many DC they want

Most people have a rough idea but accept it's subject to change

I don’t know any adults who hated their parents for not giving them a fictitious sibling.
The whole ‘they will be lonely’ thing is rubbish. DH and I are both only and we were never lonely. We had friends, activities and didn’t know any different.

I think you would definitely regret not having another one than you would regret having another one. A family of four is manageable and I wouldn’t say extremely more cost effective as a family of 3, where DS is clingy, this might help teach him more independence

If you're one of five, you know the drill. I'd definitely have baby 2 if I were you. So many pros.