I’ve been dumped at 42 and feel like my world is ending - please throw some sense into me 🙏

He doesn’t want a relationship, he wants someone to mother his kids and buy them stuff. Bet you any money the twins are on his case about the latter. Concentrate on your own DC instead.

I think @Oblomov25 makes some really good points. Of course you are hurt - you have just had a miscarriage and the person you thought you loved proved themselves to be a complete arsehole. But the signs were there already - he has not patented the children he has, why on earth would be want to start again.

And what was the end game? His children would bloom under your gentle guidance and become solid citizens? He would move to yours and would become an engaged individual, working hard to integrate himself into your community? Your own ND child would welcome this man and his merry gang into your lives and embrace them like family. None of this is realistic at all.

You deserve to be happy and to feel connection and love. You deserve to be at peace in your life. Please take some time for yourself, to mourn your marriage and your miscarriage and to reflect on who you are now, and what is important to you. See if you can find that connection outside of a romantic relationship. You don't need to go back to your husband and a marriage that wasn't working for you. But being on your own would be infinitely better than anything this bloke has to offer you.

Honestly, you have dodged a bullet here. This man is wrong on so many counts raising a dysfunctional family. You and your family will suffer through your bad choices if you continue the relationship with him.

I'm sorry for your loss, having a miscarriage is a huge loss.

But you seem to have no sense of xxx. You are presumably ND aswell, because nearly all parents of ND children are. You never seem to calm down, take stock, of what's around you. You keep charging in manically, with no self reflection, then later seem surprised it's all gone wrong.

ASD Dh still wants to reconcile, but can't see the problems? Did you have counselling post marriage? No consideration of who you are and why you allowed yourself to end up there?

You then steam ahead and are in love, with a totally unsuitable man, who himself has boundary issues.

And then after a year, in a testing time of panic, he shows his true colours. How someone behaves in an emergency is very telling. He completely abandoned you. Abd didn't have your back. That tells you everything you need to know.

worse still he hasn't called. How can you walk away from a woman having your child? (He doesn't yet know you have sadly now miscarried)?

This is all such a mess. But really you shouldn't be surprised because all the warning signs were there? Why are you not more concerned about the fact you missed all the massive warning signs?

Calm down, slow down and take stock. Di you have no support system? Where are all your friends, family, help to support you?

I'm sorry for your loss. A miscarriage is a trauma, regardless of whether you were conflicted about it.

As for this man..
He will drain you emotionally and financially.

Do you want your children around his? Your children sound vulnerable and I feel like there would be serious issues mixing his son in with them.

Also this man is lazy, looking for any excuse not to have a job and when you told him you were possibly pregnant (the most vulnerable state a woman can be in) he swore at you and abandoned you.

He will continue to abandon you any time.m you do something he doesn't like.

Stay strong, please. You are worth so much more than this loser.

Do some work on your attachment style and find yourself outside of a relationship.

You will be so much happier and settled even in 6 months :)

He's a parent not a carer for his son, or at least should be. He made his father, now his son, into a job so that he didn't need to work for a living and support his family. God knows how that expectation has impacted the son.

Quite frankly, don't be silly. You have your own children to take care of. You are not at this boy's parents and he would never thank you for any intervention. You are not put on this earth to save other people's badly brought up children. You do enough of that as a teacher! Put yourself in your family first and stop trying to be a people pleaser.

The second I saw his son smoking weed and being verbally abusive to his dad I would've jumped in my car and driven like a bat out of hell. Why on earth would you want to get involved in that?

The problem with some men who are terribly good at chatting and listening, and forming intense connections with you, and jumping in with both feet, and messaging a lot and talking about their emotions, and being very loving - which can all feel AMAZING after marriage where that's been lacking - is that they can be led by emotions and searching for that passion and don't always stick around,

Sometimes it's true that the light that burns the brightest fizzles out the fastest.

Also you're an adult now, not a teenager. And you have kids. You need to think with your head as well as your heart when dating and choosing a partner.

You can find a connection with a man who isn’t a walking red flag. I am very sorry for your loss OP and wish you peace- for your own sanity, you need to start picking men on the basis of something other than connection, particularly as you’re a mother.

Jesus, woman, you dodged a massive bullet there. How could you imagine any future with a lazy man like that?? He sounds like a useless dosser

I'd say you've had a really lucky escape, you can't say you'd honestly want to be in a serious relationship with a man with no aspirations?

We all do crazy things when we leave marriages I think, I know I did. Then I very quickly realised and spent a long time, years, just focusing on me and my kids. I date occasionally but I can honestly say I'm happy on my own.

I am so sorry you have just lost your baby but l have to say , l thought to myself you have had a lucky escape.
They all sound horrendous.
Give yourself time to grieve and come to terms with what has happened. I so hope you feel much better soon bless you 💐

To be really clear, New Man was never dumping you, he was levelling up his Shit Man behaviour as a power grab.

You'll be grateful to have him back and won't wargue next time.

Far far too much drama. He is failing his kids, that's not attractive. The more you gravitate tonhim the more chance you'll start failing yours because your mood and worries will be about him.

You seem to have forgotten that you aren't choosing between two men. You decided your husband wasn't right. That probably hasn't changed. This is another reason why a relationship is a bad decision because its clouding your thoughts.

I am sorry you have lost your baby. I think this man and his children however, sound like more trouble than they are worth.

For most men I believe their true selves come out in pregnancy. Abusers may be abusers before but they can disguise it also until the woman is vulnerable.

I am a decade on from you. I was divorced with a baby and 2 ND children and ND myself at 41. I am now married to a man that loves and adores me.

Please do the freedom program and get yourself some therapy and focus of you for 12 months and park him in a big box and throw away the key. Lucky lucky escape. I’m sorry for the lost of your child. But lucky you to see him now for what he is.

There were so many issues with this relationship OP.

Your self respect sounds minimal and you really need to work on raising that. Do not reply to the man. Block him on all channels and start looking at your life and what you think is missing and how you can build your confidence, without a man on the scene.

You can do this.

It doesn't feel like it now, but you've had a lucky escape.

Nothing in your posts remotely suggest he's a good catch. Not even a mediocre catch.

You're worth more that this lazy waster 💐

Sounds like an absolute nightmare. I don't know why either of you bothered. Poor kids to be so messed about. I'm sorry for your loss but honestly you've behaved like an impulsive teenager.

From your updates he is a complete dosser!! How on earth could you be attracted to him? Give your head a wobble, lucky escape!

I’m so sorry for your loss OP. However he has shown his true colours. You were pregnant and he has not contacted you for 2 weeks. He has behaved terribly and could not have really cared. Also there were so many complications with his children and their needs. As others have said I think you have had a lucky escape. Take time to concentrate on you and your loss.

I’m sorry for your miscarriage, OP. Please take care of yourself.

This man is covered in red flags - block him completely, he is no good for you. Take some time alone to think about what makes you happy and fulfilled and maybe have some talking therapy.