To think MIL’s “accident” wasn’t an accident??

That's not clumsiness. That's being a bitch.

Make sure you let her know how much she owes you to replace the dinner set. If she gets shirty, add on the cost of the vacuum too.

From now on, she eats off a kids melamine set and is not allowed in the kitchen, or pretty much anywhere in your home, unsupervised.

My mother has form for breaking things at our house. She’s nosy and interfering and has poor boundaries where I’m concerned so thinks nothing of overstepping. She also doesn’t visit often so isn’t familiar with where things are and generally has quite poor spatial awareness so accidents happen. She once flooded the boiler as she decided to adjust the water pressure and we had to get an emergency plumber out. She is always very regretful and offers to pay.

My dad’s similar but he is clumsy and also ageing. They live in a very fixed way in a house they’ve lived in for almost 60 years so they’re not very good at adapting to surroundings where things are organised in a different way but want to be “helpful”.

You have my sympathies, OP.

I'd be telling her stop raking about in the kitchen and leave the TV alone.
In fact sit on the sofa and don't touch anything 😁

It's possible it's deliberate. It's not just about the number of occasions but the context.

Pretty much every time my ILs stay, they break something - toaster, coffee maker, crockery, shower. Almost every time. However, they're older, don't cope well in unfamiliar surroundings, and like to try and be 'helpful'. We know it's not on purpose but it's bloody frustrating. No, they don't pay to replace the items but I know it's not on purpose. However, if they're due to visit, I do say to DH "let's not get out the new X until after they've gone", or "let's hold off on buying a Y until they've visited," etc. And FWIW, he agrees with me and it's a running joke between us.

In short, trust your instinct. The wider relationship, the reaction, etc. tells you if it's deliberate or not.

I would worry that she’s not okay. Would you be able to encourage her to visit the doctor?

I’d be expecting her to replace what she has broken and yes it is totally done on purpose . My MIL doesn’t break stuff but she has always comes across as quite rude /passive aggressive , my husband spent years saying ‘she doesn’t mean it and she speaks without thinking’ but even he now agrees that she’s just rude .

Too many occasions for it to be an ‘accident’.

From your description of the plates being high up, it sounds deliberate to me.

What did she say to you afterwards and what was her tone?

Well, no I'm not sure.

Since it's anonymous people posting online that I don't know and could just be trolls making things up or could be real people having real things happen or could be real people imagining things.

I'd say someone deliberately breaking things to piss off a family member is probably not that common.

And most of the time, uncommon things are not happening.

But could I see it happening? Yeah, uncommon things happen all the time but I wouldn't leap to uncommon thing happening just because someone on MN said it.

Especially when it's one-sided.

That's the whole point of social media. We don't actually know but we can comment and we don't have to be 'sure' because we can't possibly be.

Yep.
My money would be that your DH didn't see this "accident"himself either

The poster has repeatedly been asked if her husband saw this happening. She hasn’t replied to that. Other queries have been ignored too!
Another case of ‘light the touchpaper and stand well back!’
I wish people would stop wasting other people’s time!

This is "peak" mad Mil isn't it ? Your original post is well thought out .and worded🙄

Ah, this is one of those threads where it's very clear who has had experience of this sort of thing - either from the DIL or MIL side - and who hasn't and is just gobsmacked.

I'd like to know what your DH says happened. I would bet though that his account will be that he left the room to do something for a minute and came back to the explanation of reaching up for the gravy boat.

It’s nice that you can’t imagine such vindictiveness having not experienced the reality of it but I can assure you it is a reality for some people, sometimes from the time they were children.

It’s not really “major psychopath behaviour.” Lots of people are petty, spiteful dickheads that do crap like this because it gives them a thrill to get away with upsetting someone that they don’t like. It’s not socially acceptable for them to be vocal or upfront about their dislike so they do passive aggressive things like this instead. They’re just shitty people. They’re also usually resentful that they don’t have a choice but to interact with someone they don’t really like or are jealous of (in-law, colleague, etc).

It’s absolutely rife in a lot of workplaces.

She's clearly a danger to herself so will have to go in a home... 😉

It's hard to tell based on those 3 'accidents'. The fact she's passive aggressive, giving you looks and being judgmental, well that kind of people I wouldn't put it past her to do something on purpose. But it could also just be an accident if she's clumsy. How did she react? Did she seem genuinely sorry and offer to replace it?? Maybe set up a little camera or something see if you can catch her out. Keep a diary and see if you notice any further odd acts. If she is just clumsy, then she needs to learn to be more careful

Approximately 240.00 for a whole set too.

Me too. Denby's probably about £20 a plate these days.

And I'd be serving her tea and coffee in a Tommy Tippee mug from now on if she's getting that clumsy. You don't want her trashing your carpets as well as your china.

Is that you MiL?

Are you sure about that? I can quite see it happening!

God knows whats going on it her head.

I'd send her links for replacements on the family what's app.

What was she doing going to get your gravy boat in the first place?!
It's been done on purpose. She doesn't like your choice of chinaware, this way it's got rid of.
I would be very wary of having her round any more. Just don't invite her. Go to hers or meet at the park if she wants to see the children - and get DH to take them so you can rest / catch up with housework etc.

Lucky they didn’t land on her head if they were high up and she brushed them with her elbow. Or how high up is high up?

Edit; sorry, didn’t mean to quote OP.

I really can't imagine anyone being so vindictive and awful that they'd smash someone's crockery on purpose as soon as their back was turned. Then frame it as an accident?

You must think very little of her. Nobody normal would ever do such things on purpose to a family member.

She must replace what she broke and it's fine to be annoyed. Even possibly avoid inviting her round anymore.

But to say she smashed your best china deliberately places her in major psychopath territory and she isn't safe around your kids if it's true!