To think MIL’s “accident” wasn’t an accident??

Yes to this.

Buy a 'family heirloom' at a charity shop. Set up a camera. See what ensues.

To be fair it sounds like they were dropped from a height. If you dropped a stack of them off the top of a wall cupboard (so from about 2m up) I’d expect a fair few to break.

I think the behaviour after things get broken/deleted/damaged/spoiled is most telling.

I am pretty sure my MIL has broken/damaged things in our home on purpose. DH is more than pretty sure. Always with no witnesses. Things that make no sense at all as to how it could've realistically happened, and no explanation was given. A lot of things really considering the limited opportunity.

Never once even offered to replace items (let alone just replace them like for like) or seemed particularly sorry or helped to clean them (full cup of coffee up made to measure full length cream curtains for example - she actually looked disappointed that I had managed to clean them without leaving a stain).

All of this was a long time ago now - she doesn't get the opportunity now. Unless it is the downstairs loo. I'm amazed that is still intact tbh. She has shown a spiteful streak in other ways over the years (not just directed at us), so that fits in too.

How did she react afterwards? Is she replacing them? What did your DH see?

It could be coincidence, or it could be her way of "punishing" you for something. Really hard to tell without knowing her.

I assume that she hasn't offered to replace it? If she had, it presumably wouldn't occur to you to think that it was deliberate.

If she hasn't said she'll replace, then I would focus your energies on that because it is utterly outrageous to smash a load of expensive items and not replace them.

Yes to this.

I've lived through this with my exH. People looking for a rational reason for someone to behave like this are missing the point. They always choose the cheap, easy win.

My sister breaks stuff every time she visits, but never owns up.

I think for her it's not exactly deliberate, it's just that she doesn't give a fuck. Mostly it's fairly expensive things - eg putt8ng hot pans direct onto worktop, not bothering to use a chopping board so scratching stuff, dropping my heavy casserole onto floor tiles,, if something doesn't turn (eg because she's doing it wrong) then she'll hit it or force it, driving over things at side of driveway. It's not really clumsiness, it's just she doesn't care.

Next time she wants to see you all meet her at a cafe.. Tell her it's too expensive having her visit.. And dh can send her the link to replace your plates.... Refuse to have her back until she does... It would be a hill I was prepared to die on...

I'm medically clumsy, I have damage to the motor cortex of my brain so I trip/stumble over nothing and walk into stationary objects etc... I rarely ever break anything though. So I don't think the passive aggressive 'we need to make you a Dr appointment' comments are needed.

If anything my disability makes me HYPER aware and far more gentle than others. I'm more likely to injure myself than break something as I tend to protect the thing before myself (which is self preservation really, falling and not breaking a glass but smashing your elbow instead is better than falling, smashing a glass and landing on it etc...). My perfectly healthy DH for example breaks more stuff than me by not paying attention (like stepping on a toy or throwing something into the sink and breaking it etc...).

People who are 'clumsy' because they don't care enough to be pay attention or do something properly do annoy me. Am I the only one who tends to find its never their own stuff they break?

I think you are right . She sounds a nightmare OP.
You need to wise up . Don't say anything to anyone but keep your eyes peeled and get proof . Then reveal it to your DH . Good luck .

I was in a relationship with someone whose mother took an extreme dislike to me.

She used to come and stay for a few days every now and then, and would struggle to acknowledge my existence. She'd do things like cook a meal, and not make any for me, claiming that she didn't know I was going to be there, even though he'd told her several times, or make everyone a cuppa except me.

Best of all, she put a jumper I'd left behind by mistake in the washing machine and then the tumble drier. It was a beautiful cashmere that he'd bought me for Christmas, and it came out barely big enough to fit a small teddy bear...

What you need is a new item that you repeatedly claim to just 'LOVE' and a cheap little recording camera off Amazon that you can leave in a corner and catch her in the act.

When you have a passive aggressive nob-head in the family, these little 'accidents' just seem to stack up, don't they?

no, that is a very good point.....you'd really have to put some effort into it. For me its the accidental program deletion.....I don't know what box you have but its virrtually impossible to accidentally delete stuff off my sky box. you have to find the program and make a couple of chocies to delete more than just one thing. Even in disc management where you can do multiple deletes, you have to make several choices and move the cursor from no to yes. and even then they sit in the deted item section for a period of time.....either that or you'd need to doi a whole box reset.

I was wondering how quickly she'd be mentioned. 😆

Horrible Grandma! Absolutely. “It just fell!”
Plastic/old knackered cups and plates for her from now on.
And some hidden cameras.

Or maybe you didn’t - maybe they were dropped with more force.

How the hell has she managed to smash MULTIPLE Denby plates?

They are really robust and although I've broken a few, they are HARD to break just by dropping them on a hard floor.

(Misses the point of the thread)

Does she break a lot of things at home or anywhere else? Or is it just when she's at your house?

Did she offer to replace what she broke?

Don't invite her again, only arrange to go to her house or see her outside.

I have a family member who seems to break something every time she comes over. Some people are just very careless and things constantly break or go wrong in their presence! I always assume it's not malicious but I don't have time for it! I will go to their places and they can break their own things 😀

This is a Narcissistic trait.

If she did it once then it's an accident particularly if accompanied by profuse apologies, mortified etc

3 times is not accidental
Of course the way it goes is if Op remonstrates in any way then MIL will be the victim, cry etc
How could you be so mean, it was an accident etc
It's a way of commiting a destructive act against someone without getting into trouble, destroy things that are precious to them.
My "D"sis once spilled a can of coke on my brand new sofa , all "an accident" except I saw her through the doorway literally tipping it all over.
First in along list of methinks being destroyed.
Look for the giveaway, " Dupers delight"
It's a split second smirk accompanied by a flash of the eyes .
Once seen you can't miss it.

As to what she “gets out of it.” She gets what bullies get out of bullying: she enjoys the chaos and distress of OP and the smug sense of getting away with it

This

I would put up a couple of cameras quietly but consider contact with her away from your house

Sounds like the kind of thing DM would do when annoyed at somebody - youngest of three sisters, with a violent mother who had to be locked in the cellar by their dad at the height of her rages, because he was genuinely afraid she might kill the children. So DM doesn’t show her anger, because that is risky, but instead slyly looks for ways to “get back at” people who have upset her (by marrying her children, for example). She would absolutely smash something they loved, but only if she could pretend it was nothing to do with her.

Sounds like she was interfering with something and dropped them. Nosing at what you watch and accidentally deleting.

If you're minding your own business and going about your day in a normal fashion this wouldn't happen.

Is she the sort to enjoy a snoop?

Does she pay to replace the items she breaks?

My father started doing this to my brothers and me once we had our own children and independent lives. It was often Christmas decorations - he never "accidentally" knocked off one of the many plastic ones, but always one of the very few breakable ones he knows I like to bring home as travel souvenirs. He "accidentally" broke the bubble machine my SIL specifically wanted at her wedding to my brother. And so it went on, despite him having no health or cognitive issues. He really struggled with the transition from being the dominant generation to being the older one. Trust your gut OP.

DH should drive her home - if she's so unaware of her surroundings she can accidentally knock things off a high shelf then she absolutely isn't fit to drive. You'll call the DVLA tomorrow so she doesn't have to worry about that.

She could have seriously hurt herself this is very concerning so you'll also contact her GP and social services for an assessment. Clearly she cannot live alone any more, not if something like this can happen "by accident"