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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think MIL’s “accident” wasn’t an accident??

268 replies

AwayShow · 01/06/2025 14:22

Right so probs gonna sound nuts but I need a sanity check

Had MIL round earlier for Sunday lunch (DH’s idea, obviously). She’s always a bit judgey — called our parenting “interesting” before we’d even served the roast. Kids were running about a bit, nothing wild, but she kept giving me That Look. You know the one.

Anyway I go to take the baby for a nap and leave her in the kitchen with DH. Come back ten mins later and half my bloody Denby set’s smashed on the floor. She says she “brushed it with her elbow” while reaching for the gravy boat?? But the plates were on a high shelf. You’d have to properly stretch to even touch them. Doesn’t add up.

This is the third thing she’s “accidentally” broken — last time it was our cordless hoover, time before she somehow deleted all our saved shows off the box. DH reckons she’s just clumsy but I dunno. Starting to feel personal.

I’m 6 months preg, knackered, and hormonal, so maybe I’m reading too much into it. But also like… she’s not stupid. She’s got this weird passive aggressive energy and I’m just DONE.

AIBU to think she did it on purpose?? Or do I need a lie down and a biscuit?

Pls be honest, just not brutal, I’m running on fumes here.

OP posts:
Sparklesandbananas · 01/06/2025 19:08

You say this is the 3rd time…I would get suspicious at this point that this was no longer an accident. I would be keeping an eye on this women and not allowing her on any devices or near my things I don’t want broken.

IzzyHandsIsMySpiritAnimal · 01/06/2025 19:04

Richandstrange · 01/06/2025 14:24

Was DH in the room with her the whole time OP? What does he say happened?

I think this is pretty important.

To break one plate I can understand could be accidental, but a whole set? And he was there and let it happen?

PiggyPigalle · 01/06/2025 19:04

CleaningAngel · 01/06/2025 18:11

Hope she's going to replace it, Denby pottery isn't cheap, the vindictive old bitch

Still not cheap, but there is always the factory shop.

MissMoan · 01/06/2025 19:02

It seems like this is strike 3 - I would be banning her from my home, as she is too much of a liability.

FeatherDawn · 01/06/2025 18:46

Toootss · 01/06/2025 18:14

Takes me ages to delete shows from my sky recordings.
No one could accidentally do that

Same with Virgin Media

Absolutely no chance it was accidental

Foreverhappiest · 01/06/2025 18:44

Have you pointed out it was on a shelf?

Has she offered to replace it?

Her response to both of these questions is important.

Say this is the third thing and you are worried enough to tell her she needs to see the GP now - check her response

bloodredfeaturewall · 01/06/2025 18:36

depends really
I have a relative who would be very valuable as a tester for anything home related - anything they touch is i immediate danger of breaking. I don't know how they do it, but they have broken a bog standard (arf) toilet flush handle and the 'on' button of a water kettle...
never with bad intent though and always apologetic.

Toootss · 01/06/2025 18:14

Takes me ages to delete shows from my sky recordings.
No one could accidentally do that

Viviennemary · 01/06/2025 18:13

CuteOrangeElephant · 01/06/2025 14:26

This reminds me of horrible grandma from Friday Night Dinner (the sitcom).

Personally I wouldn't have her in my house anymore. Has she at least offered to replace the broken items?

I don't think I would be happy to have her in my house either. All these sound too much of a coincidence to be accidental.

BoundaryGirl3939 · 01/06/2025 18:12

BunnyVV · 01/06/2025 17:59

Has she got ADHD? If she has it was an accident.

My dad has adhd and he's just like this. Terribly clumsy and breaks everything. I feel sorry for him, and don't take it personally. I just keep prized belongings out of his reach.

CleaningAngel · 01/06/2025 18:11

AwayShow · 01/06/2025 14:22

Right so probs gonna sound nuts but I need a sanity check

Had MIL round earlier for Sunday lunch (DH’s idea, obviously). She’s always a bit judgey — called our parenting “interesting” before we’d even served the roast. Kids were running about a bit, nothing wild, but she kept giving me That Look. You know the one.

Anyway I go to take the baby for a nap and leave her in the kitchen with DH. Come back ten mins later and half my bloody Denby set’s smashed on the floor. She says she “brushed it with her elbow” while reaching for the gravy boat?? But the plates were on a high shelf. You’d have to properly stretch to even touch them. Doesn’t add up.

This is the third thing she’s “accidentally” broken — last time it was our cordless hoover, time before she somehow deleted all our saved shows off the box. DH reckons she’s just clumsy but I dunno. Starting to feel personal.

I’m 6 months preg, knackered, and hormonal, so maybe I’m reading too much into it. But also like… she’s not stupid. She’s got this weird passive aggressive energy and I’m just DONE.

AIBU to think she did it on purpose?? Or do I need a lie down and a biscuit?

Pls be honest, just not brutal, I’m running on fumes here.

Hope she's going to replace it, Denby pottery isn't cheap, the vindictive old bitch

BoundaryGirl3939 · 01/06/2025 18:09

My dad is seriously accident prone. You actually wouldn't believe how accident prone he is. He has managed to break so many of his, and others belongings. I dont think him with anything delicate or precioys. Others would think he does it on purpose but he doesn't.

Reallybadidea · 01/06/2025 18:08

BunnyVV · 01/06/2025 17:59

Has she got ADHD? If she has it was an accident.

Are you joking?

AttilaTheMeerkat · 01/06/2025 18:03

She does not have ADHD and what has that got to do with anything?. Its no excuse.

OPs MIL has a complete and utter hatred of the OP and this has manifested itself in such spiteful behaviour towards the OP. It was her things that were broken. It also takes a fair amount of force to break Denby crockery.

BunnyVV · 01/06/2025 17:59

Has she got ADHD? If she has it was an accident.

ButteredRadish · 01/06/2025 17:58

Gilead · 01/06/2025 16:36

My mother does this. What she forgets is that people have cameras in places. I haven’t spoken to her in years but my sister says nothing changes.
i have a lovely piece of film on one of my old phones; sitting at my kitchen table and lifting up her mug and pouring coffee over the brand new tablecloth I’d just told her about. I’d foolishly nipped to the loo.

Please tell me you confronted her? Before cutting her off, I mean.

PluckyBamboo · 01/06/2025 17:56

Where did the crockery come from? Was it a wedding present or from your family? Has she gifted you a set that is still in a box?

YourSignalFadedIntoAnotherWorld · 01/06/2025 17:48

Gilead · 01/06/2025 16:36

My mother does this. What she forgets is that people have cameras in places. I haven’t spoken to her in years but my sister says nothing changes.
i have a lovely piece of film on one of my old phones; sitting at my kitchen table and lifting up her mug and pouring coffee over the brand new tablecloth I’d just told her about. I’d foolishly nipped to the loo.

My grandmother was like this. She couldn't bear anyone having anything nice and would sabotage in outrageous ways but also very petty ways.

Mum knew it was her own mother that was breaking our toys because she used to break Mum's toys when she was a kid herself, or give them away. She cut my Mums guide uniform up because Mum used to love going to guides.

My sister, my brother's daughter and my sisters daughter all have the same trait. Hiding car keys, stealing one shoe, breaking jewellery, cutting shoe laces.

Absolutely fucking mad stuff.

Circless · 01/06/2025 17:46

Stop having her around.
Tell your husband you are done.
He visits at her house where she can break her own stuff.

Is your husband a bully?
Because no way a good decent man would think this is normal.

Busbygirl · 01/06/2025 17:43

Did she say sorry?
My ex MIL did things like this, accidentally on purpose and NEVER said sorry. Just things like, well you shouldn’t have put it there etc. Blamed me for all the breakages.
I realised she was a nasty narcissist once it twigged my ex DH was one too.

IsawwhatIsaw · 01/06/2025 17:33

she’s doing this because she knows short of camera evidence, it’s hard to prove these breakages are deliberate. And that you are unlikely to challenge her.

Flossflower · 01/06/2025 17:29

Just don’t have her round so often.

Twiglets1 · 01/06/2025 17:29

Mrsbloggz · 01/06/2025 17:26

An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, an item of expensive crockery for an item of expensive crockery.
I'd be having a smashing time at her place asap.

Haha yes!

OP could be "clumsy" too.

Shufflebumnessie · 01/06/2025 17:28

CuteOrangeElephant · 01/06/2025 14:26

This reminds me of horrible grandma from Friday Night Dinner (the sitcom).

Personally I wouldn't have her in my house anymore. Has she at least offered to replace the broken items?

Horrible Grandmas was my first thought too!

Mrsbloggz · 01/06/2025 17:26

An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, an item of expensive crockery for an item of expensive crockery.
I'd be having a smashing time at her place asap.

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