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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think MIL’s “accident” wasn’t an accident??

268 replies

AwayShow · 01/06/2025 14:22

Right so probs gonna sound nuts but I need a sanity check

Had MIL round earlier for Sunday lunch (DH’s idea, obviously). She’s always a bit judgey — called our parenting “interesting” before we’d even served the roast. Kids were running about a bit, nothing wild, but she kept giving me That Look. You know the one.

Anyway I go to take the baby for a nap and leave her in the kitchen with DH. Come back ten mins later and half my bloody Denby set’s smashed on the floor. She says she “brushed it with her elbow” while reaching for the gravy boat?? But the plates were on a high shelf. You’d have to properly stretch to even touch them. Doesn’t add up.

This is the third thing she’s “accidentally” broken — last time it was our cordless hoover, time before she somehow deleted all our saved shows off the box. DH reckons she’s just clumsy but I dunno. Starting to feel personal.

I’m 6 months preg, knackered, and hormonal, so maybe I’m reading too much into it. But also like… she’s not stupid. She’s got this weird passive aggressive energy and I’m just DONE.

AIBU to think she did it on purpose?? Or do I need a lie down and a biscuit?

Pls be honest, just not brutal, I’m running on fumes here.

OP posts:
MustWeDoThis · 02/06/2025 18:01

AwayShow · 01/06/2025 14:22

Right so probs gonna sound nuts but I need a sanity check

Had MIL round earlier for Sunday lunch (DH’s idea, obviously). She’s always a bit judgey — called our parenting “interesting” before we’d even served the roast. Kids were running about a bit, nothing wild, but she kept giving me That Look. You know the one.

Anyway I go to take the baby for a nap and leave her in the kitchen with DH. Come back ten mins later and half my bloody Denby set’s smashed on the floor. She says she “brushed it with her elbow” while reaching for the gravy boat?? But the plates were on a high shelf. You’d have to properly stretch to even touch them. Doesn’t add up.

This is the third thing she’s “accidentally” broken — last time it was our cordless hoover, time before she somehow deleted all our saved shows off the box. DH reckons she’s just clumsy but I dunno. Starting to feel personal.

I’m 6 months preg, knackered, and hormonal, so maybe I’m reading too much into it. But also like… she’s not stupid. She’s got this weird passive aggressive energy and I’m just DONE.

AIBU to think she did it on purpose?? Or do I need a lie down and a biscuit?

Pls be honest, just not brutal, I’m running on fumes here.

Does she break things in her own home? Is she that clumsy there? Does she break things in shops? Other people's houses?

If no to the above - Trust your gut and send her an invoice for the Denby set.

If yes, or she kicks off - Book her a GP appointment on the grounds of medically incapable of making appropriate decisions, lost mental capacity, and at risk of harm. Then let's see if she's still clumsy ;).

If your husband protests, then tell him you will decide whether you will allow for a Mummies boy in your bed.

purpleygrey · 02/06/2025 17:58

Ah it’s Horrible Grandma

Lollylucyclark101 · 02/06/2025 17:56

Moonnstars · 01/06/2025 14:24

Hmm maybe get your DH to talk to her about her 'clumsiness' and suggest making a doctor's appointment. If she protests, then raise the issue of how she has broken several things/been forgetful about how things work just in your home and these are the incidents you are aware of so maybe something like an infection that should be checked by a doctor.

Absolutely excellent way of addressing this issue!!

Mistyglade · 02/06/2025 17:54

Is she horrible grandma off Friday Night Dinner?

thepariscrimefiles · 02/06/2025 17:53

nhsmanagersanonymous · 02/06/2025 00:49

She did you a favour breaking Denby, awful boring stuff.

Don't be a twat.

FeetLikeFlippers · 02/06/2025 17:52

Wow, all the people who think she couldn’t possibly be doing it on purpose are clearly lucky enough to have never encountered a passive-aggressive control freak! I’m astounded by the number of people on MN who thinks nobody behaves irrationally or generally does weird shit, just because they have never experienced it personally.

Bonkersbilly · 02/06/2025 17:49

This is called being nasty. Contemplate her dying in severe pain every time you have to see the bitch.

MyOliveBear · 02/06/2025 17:48

Debby ware is too heavy to be accidentally brushed off.

IdiottoGoa · 02/06/2025 10:01

PullTheBricksDown · 01/06/2025 23:34

Tall people? People with young children? Tall people with young children?

Show quote history

People who only have the alternative of low cupboards and can’t / don’t want to bend all the time?

Gyozas · 02/06/2025 09:09

I suspect your gut is right. Only you can know if there’s a malevolence simmering under the surface here, but from what you’ve said, it does sound like there’s something to what you say.

Nagginthenag · 02/06/2025 06:29

So many threads recently where OP has posted something dramatic then disappeared.

whynotmereally · 02/06/2025 06:14

Has she offered to replace them? I agree tell dh you are concerned she seems unstable/confused. If it is deliberate it might be enough to stop her and if it’s not then maybe you should be concerned about her.

SapporoBaby · 02/06/2025 05:41

Next time she’s over leave a nanny cam in the room with her.

mathanxiety · 02/06/2025 00:49

bombastix · 01/06/2025 19:48

Sounds like narcissist spite. Sorry about your Denby but you have a bigger problem. People who do this kind of thing like breaking people too, so no, don’t have her around, she’s a live one for your actual marriage. She clearly hates you

Agree.

And please, OP, don't ever leave her in sole charge of your children, or even in charge along with someone she has under her thumb.

nhsmanagersanonymous · 02/06/2025 00:49

She did you a favour breaking Denby, awful boring stuff.

NotThisShitAgain121 · 02/06/2025 00:33

I would get a security camera in the house and check the footage each time after a visit from her x

SandyY2K · 02/06/2025 00:21

You could be right OP.

uncomfortablydumb60 · 02/06/2025 00:15

I think it sounds deliberate. They were on a higher shelf,so I can't see she just brushed against them
Denby plates are extremely durable so she must've smashed them bloody hard too
YANBU

PullTheBricksDown · 01/06/2025 23:34

Soontobe60 · 01/06/2025 20:25

Who puts their dinner plates on a shelf so high up that they have to stretch up to reach them???

Tall people? People with young children? Tall people with young children?

CliantheLang · 01/06/2025 22:49

DarcMode · 01/06/2025 21:58

It's so interesting (and sad) hearing that this is "a thing". Has anyone read Olive Kitteridge? I thought it was a bit of a quirk but sounds like the author has captured a certain type of person!

Olive wasn't malicious, though. Just not very self-aware - or aware of the effect she was having on other people.

Not every woman is cut out to be a wife and/or mother.

PizzaSophiaLoren · 01/06/2025 22:10

Is she going to replace the dishes?

Imintruugednow2025 · 01/06/2025 22:08

Allergictoironing · 01/06/2025 21:22

Yeah I maybe over reacted a bit there. Probably because I see too many people using ADHD as an excuse for all kinds of bad behaviour, usually "self-diagnosed ADHD or for situations where someone who usually can control their impulses doesn't bother in other situations (e.g. can control at work, then uses it as an excuse to treat their partner like shit),

But if you're naturally clumsy then you don't usually play around with other peoples things or reach up onto high shelves in their houses, as you know you are prone to accidents.

Show quote history

I don't generally tell people in RL I have adhd because people do excuse it for their bad behaviour. A friend of a friend took great enjoyment in making another woman uncomfortable by asking inapriopate questions and when questioned why it was blamed on adhd..... it wasn't adhd, I could see how much she was enjoying making the woman squirm

I think the MIL did it on purpose and I don't think her behaviour is linked to adhd...... but as much as I try not to be clumsy it does happen 😅

DarcMode · 01/06/2025 21:58

It's so interesting (and sad) hearing that this is "a thing". Has anyone read Olive Kitteridge? I thought it was a bit of a quirk but sounds like the author has captured a certain type of person!

bombastix · 01/06/2025 21:57

As someone who also had their things “accidentally” broken I also eventually tumbled it was vindictive. The explanations were so implausible they insulted my intelligence; later I realised that this implausible story was also part of the fun. People like this are really poison I’m afraid

FeatherDawn · 01/06/2025 21:55

Callalilly2016 · 01/06/2025 21:39

My mother did this to me for years. It was deliberate out of spite. She’s a deeply unhappy and vindictive woman. It only stopped when I went to her house and did the same and asked if it was a fun game we were both playing. She’s never done it since. She ruined hundreds of pounds worth of items. Often things with sentimental value or special things I’d saved for. It’s hard for people who have never experienced this type of behaviour to comprehend. Especially that someone could do this to someone they’re supposed to love.

This is the definition of a malignant narcissist, they take pleasure in harming others, I'm so sorry .
To anyone reading this who is tempted, when someone tells you that a close relative is behaving like this, to go don't be daft, surely not, it must an accident, please please pause and ask a question as to why they think this, LISTEN above all.
It's utterly terrible being on the receiving end of this.
When your treasured , worked for and personal possessions are destroyed, they are not just things, they are attacking you, it's a veiled threat of aggression from someone who should love you.
Being dismissed or disbelieved is so so painful and invalidating and of course the perpetrator knows this.
Please just listen

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