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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think MIL’s “accident” wasn’t an accident??

268 replies

AwayShow · 01/06/2025 14:22

Right so probs gonna sound nuts but I need a sanity check

Had MIL round earlier for Sunday lunch (DH’s idea, obviously). She’s always a bit judgey — called our parenting “interesting” before we’d even served the roast. Kids were running about a bit, nothing wild, but she kept giving me That Look. You know the one.

Anyway I go to take the baby for a nap and leave her in the kitchen with DH. Come back ten mins later and half my bloody Denby set’s smashed on the floor. She says she “brushed it with her elbow” while reaching for the gravy boat?? But the plates were on a high shelf. You’d have to properly stretch to even touch them. Doesn’t add up.

This is the third thing she’s “accidentally” broken — last time it was our cordless hoover, time before she somehow deleted all our saved shows off the box. DH reckons she’s just clumsy but I dunno. Starting to feel personal.

I’m 6 months preg, knackered, and hormonal, so maybe I’m reading too much into it. But also like… she’s not stupid. She’s got this weird passive aggressive energy and I’m just DONE.

AIBU to think she did it on purpose?? Or do I need a lie down and a biscuit?

Pls be honest, just not brutal, I’m running on fumes here.

OP posts:
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SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 07/12/2025 16:18

She needs to replace the Denby.

PeriMumEndofHerTether · 07/12/2025 16:17

Was she mortified? Sorry? Offered to pay for replacement? I think that info matters for the context. Also, lie down and have a biscuit anyway! You're entitled to!

Jane143 · 07/12/2025 16:16

Oh m wondering how you didn’t hear the crash if half the set was broken. Is there more to this story?

FairKoala · 07/12/2025 16:13

pictoosh · 01/06/2025 14:30

Why on earth would she smash your Denby plates? To what end?
Understand she's annoying but it seems a stretch to think it was deliberate.

Because she knows it would cause upset.

If she isn’t asking for the list of breakages and telling you she was going to replace the breakages then it was deliberate

FairKoala · 07/12/2025 16:09

Make a list of the breakages and tell her where she can get replacements

Slatterndisgrace · 13/06/2025 05:53

BobbyBiscuits · 12/06/2025 18:47

Thank you, sorry I just saw your response. It's terrible if someone experienced abusive behaviour from birth. But OP wasn't having that as it wasn't her Mum.
I wasn't trying to disregard feelings of childhood abuse. I apologise if it sounded that way. X

Hi,

I didn’t think you were! All good 😊

BobbyBiscuits · 12/06/2025 18:47

Slatterndisgrace · 01/06/2025 15:09

It’s nice that you can’t imagine such vindictiveness having not experienced the reality of it but I can assure you it is a reality for some people, sometimes from the time they were children.

Edited

Thank you, sorry I just saw your response. It's terrible if someone experienced abusive behaviour from birth. But OP wasn't having that as it wasn't her Mum.
I wasn't trying to disregard feelings of childhood abuse. I apologise if it sounded that way. X

Tanjamaltija · 07/06/2025 21:16

I am very, very, clumsy, but I break things within arm's reach, not off a high shelf. The breakages happen when you aren't in the room. Ask her, in front of your husband and hers, if she is going to replace the broken china.

B33cka8 · 07/06/2025 20:10

UniqueExpert · 01/06/2025 14:26

Sounds like a bit of a leap to think your MIL is so deranged she's deliberately breaking plates to piss you off.

Have you met some MOLs?

Petlover9 · 05/06/2025 16:09

Get some plastic garden type things for when she comes. Think of reasons/excuses why she can't visit around meal times and if she pops in serve stale buns in plastic plates! Speak to FIL about replacing your dinner set.

godmum56 · 04/06/2025 11:50

Tagyoureit · 04/06/2025 11:45

I could forgive the deleted shows, even the hoover a bit but how do you brush a full set of plates off a shelf in a cupboard with your elbow if you reaching for something below them?

be dancing on the ceiling at the time?

Tagyoureit · 04/06/2025 11:45

I could forgive the deleted shows, even the hoover a bit but how do you brush a full set of plates off a shelf in a cupboard with your elbow if you reaching for something below them?

Lavender14 · 04/06/2025 11:41

Also wondering how she reacted to smashing them? I'd be horrified and would offer to replace so I think her response would be telling.

I agree with the pp who suggested your dh direct her to a gp appointment and call it out supportively.

Rugbyballhead · 04/06/2025 11:38

I'd be getting indoor cameras for communal areas!

PBJsandwich123 · 03/06/2025 23:05

She sounds like a total bastard. It's similar to the kind of shit my MIL would pull. They seem to go extra mental when DILs are preg - I'm pregnant at the mo and my MIL has cone out with some weird and annoying power grabs. She's like a frigging 66 yo toddler except that she really should have mastered impulse control by now.

NigellaAwesome · 03/06/2025 22:15

I don’t think OP is coming back.

BunnyVV · 03/06/2025 16:36

Allergictoironing · 01/06/2025 21:04

What the total fuck has ADHD got to do with being clumsy??? I'm not clumsy, I have off the scale ADHD. Neither is my brother, also ADHD. It is NOT a trait of that particular type of ND. Try reading up on things before you pronounce them as to blame for certain behaviours.

Well you certainly have the issues with emotional regulation and reaction.

SimplyAFolly · 03/06/2025 16:04

Definitely got it in for you, I would be fuming and getting your man to sort her out.
Some things are irreplaceable, the mother-in-law is not one of them.

MimiGC · 03/06/2025 11:02

She’s not very good at coming up with convincing excuses, is she? You’d have to be about 8ft tall to have your elbow brush plates on a high shelf. Didn’t you or your husband point that out?

Lala721 · 03/06/2025 10:36

.

Doubledenim305 · 03/06/2025 08:26

curious79 · 01/06/2025 14:27

I think you need to reach for a biscuit as there is nothing to be proved here. However, amazon is very useful for buying little cameras and you could always get one for her next visit?!

Yes...that's the answer. Film her visits and resolve it in Ur mind. I don't think u r being unreasonable at all. If Ur Spidey senses are tingling then it's worth investigating.

themartins · 03/06/2025 07:26

No you are NOT unreasonable. It reminds me of that old question , " when is something too much too much of a coincidence to be a coincidence?"
My thoughts;

  1. Let DH deal with his mother now and in the short term.
  2. Just don't have her around at present. You have plenty going on just now without having unreasonable MIL behaviour. Give time for the dust to settle and you and DH can plan on how to move forward. No rush, just wait and see what happens.
DisabledDemon · 03/06/2025 02:06

Denby may not be top of the range but it's certainly not cheap either! (I know because I have the blue colourway and I wouldn't like to have to replace any of it.). I hope she offered to get you replacements? If not, fuck it, she's not coming around again.

If your husband's upset, tell him to replace the bloody plates.

Francestein · 03/06/2025 00:21

I would be getting security cameras installed to catch her out.

Laurmolonlabe · 02/06/2025 23:33

There is no solid evidence it's on purpose- but it seems to go way beyond clumsiness.
I would tell DH that you are really upset and you don't want your MIL in your home again until after the plates are replaced- and leave it up to him to break that to his mother.
Be certain DH doesn't pay for the replacements, insist on having the receipt "just in case".