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AIBU?

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AIBU to be worried I’ll die in childbirth

30 replies

TheBerry · 01/06/2025 13:35

Basically I’m pretty worried I could die during the birth of my second child, and I was wondering whether anyone has had a similar experience to me.

Immediately upon delivering DD1 a few years back I had a really rapid haemorrhage. I lost a little over 1 litre in less than a minute due (I guess) to retained placenta, but fortunately my epidural was very effective and so they were able to immediately get up in there and remove the remaining placenta manually and the bleeding then stopped.

So now on my notes it mentions that I had a pph of 1L, which I understand by itself isn’t mega uncommon or a catastrophic event, but my concern is the speed at which it happened. From what I can see, for most people who haemorrhage this amount or more it happens a bit more slowly, even over a period of hours, but if I haemorrhage again at the same rate as last time and I’m not at hospital or quick action isn’t taken I’ll be dead within 10 minutes. I kind of feel that now I’m pregnant with DD2 the doctors are looking at my notes and just seeing 1L and thinking “that’s not too bad” without really taking into account how quickly it happened. I’m just feeling really uninformed and out of control and I don’t really know what I should do for my birth plan or what measures should be taken. DD1 and I ended up in hospital for a week due to the pph and also due to being placed on the sepsis pathway.

One of my concerns is that I’ve made the wrong choice of hospital. I’m less than 5mins from the local hospital, but it’s a pretty bad hospital. My mum nearly died there 30 years ago from a haemorrhage after a miscarriage due to lack of care of their part (which they admitted), I’ve personally had terrible experiences there with miscarriages, and I know other people have too. So, I had an induction with DD1 at another hospital, which is a very good hospital, and specialised in maternity… but it’s up to an hour’s drive away if the traffic is bad. There’s no history of very fast labours in my family but I guess I’m worried if I start to bleed out on the motorway on the way to hospital I won’t make it. So I don’t know whether I should switch to the local hospital, or opt for an induction again so it’s more controlled, or a c-section, or just wait for labour and risk the hour’s drive (which my consultant said would be fine but, again, I’m not positive she’s really considering the speed of the pph last time).

There’s another thing that’s really shaken me. A girl I’ve known for 20 years had complications with her first birth a few years ago and stayed in hospital for a week, same as me. She was recently pregnant with her second. She was at term and something went terribly wrong and she and her baby died. There is a 2-week inquest set for later this year (which is very long for an inquest). I expect there will be media coverage at the time and probably CQC recommendations. I keep thinking there must at the very least have been failures in her care, and she probably trusted her doctors who ultimately let her down. I’ve been trusting my doctors too, but I’m wondering if I should do more and push for another review of my history and a more rigorous protocol.

I can’t shake the feeling that I’m going to die. I can’t imagine just being ok and going home with my new baby and DD1 and DH. My family are excited and keep talking about the future and I’m like haha yeah but I’m just faking it because really I don’t think I’ll be there. I hope the inquest findings bring changes which make this kind of unthinkable event less likely to happen to other women, but it’ll be too late for me because I’m due before the inquest. I know anxiety and trauma can make you feel these kinds of things, and it doesn’t necessarily mean anything, but I can’t shake the feelings and it’s quite distressing.

Apologies for the long post!!

OP posts:
AppropriateAdult · 01/06/2025 14:44

I had a 900ml immediate PPH after my first, OP, due to retained placenta. It didn’t happen with my second or third, but the teams were aware of my history and monitoring me closely. As long as you deliver in hospital everything should be fine.

Nothankyov · 01/06/2025 14:18

@TheBerry Hi OP. I’m going to tell you my story in the hope that it gives you some comfort. I had a pretty traumatic birth for my first child. I woke up in the middle of the night with contractions and called my mum (who is a nurse) and whilst on the phone with her I found that my dad had passed away. Suffice to say I was completely devastated. I ended up in labour for 46 hours, and then an emergency c-section as my baby’s heart became erratic and they were in distress. Once baby was born - I started losing so much blood, baby and daddy where swept off the OP room and I kept going in and out of consciousness whilst doctors worked on me. I had many transfusions and at one point they considered removing all my reproductive organs. It was scary and just an experience I wouldn't want to relieve. The good thing is - once you have an experience like this - you keep reminding them of it if you have more kids- which I did. I went on to have 2 more completely normal births. Perfect and healthy kids. 2nd child I was in labour for 14 hours and third for 7.

So one birth doesn’t mean the others will be the same.

Another thing to consider is to talk to your doctor about having an elective c-section? Whilst my c-section was traumatic my sister had an elective one and she has nothing but good things to say about it. If they are planned they can be easy to manage. And I mean easy in the context of child birth! Not in an elective c-section is a breeze.

Lmnop22 · 01/06/2025 14:08

I had a post partum haemorrhage after my second child but not my first so try and seek reassurance from the fact it doesn’t happen every time.

Also it happens after the baby is born so, provided your plan is to give birth in the hospital, you’ll be there already when it happens. Unless somehow you go into labour at home and you manage to give birth and haemorrhage within an hour (time you said it will take you to get to the hospital) then it’s very unlikely.

But, if it’s stressing you out and worrying you this much, look into elective C sections and see if that’s an option for you? Stressing over this won’t be good for your baby and I know that the rarity of death in childbirth and the unlikelihood of bleeding out on your way to hospital won’t be sufficient to set your mind at rest because you know those statistics already.

FromTheFirstOldFashionedWeWereCursed · 01/06/2025 13:48

I also had a massive PPH after my first baby. I didn't after my second baby, albeit she was much smaller than her (normal-sized) big brother. I hope that's reassuring.

Like you, it happened very quickly.

I think you would be more than reasonable to ask for a c-section at the better hospital, to have certainty about when your baby will be delivered and that you'll be in a medical facility that you trust. I think you should talk to your midwife and be prepared to be quite firm about it if she isn't helpful.

NoMoreLifts · 01/06/2025 13:42

Please seek advice from your health care team. Ask for it to be noted how fast it was last time.
Dying in childbirth is very rare here but I guess that's no comfort.