Only single friend in group - increasingly pissed off with comments

It’s because they aren’t getting any 😂

I find this behaviour by them very odd. I’ve had comments in the past about being single but this was like a good ten years ago and would think they’ve probably matured by then. I either just tell them to stop making these “jokes” or you start making some anti couple jokes…. Petty, absolutely. But you can only be pushed so far. Fair game in my opinion. Hopefully they’ll get the point.

I think it just sucks that people think you can't be happy if you don't have a man in your life. It's so weird and such a dated view. We have so much more in our lives now. Careers, pets, hobbies, friends, whatever. And yet if you don't have a man, somehow you are failing? Oh I just hate it. I hope one day people realise how daft it is, and how sexist.

This is a nice story. Nice to hear that it can sometimes come from genuine (if misguided) concern, rather than someone just being a dick.

I had this at work, from a previous boss. She’s been happily married for three decades, and was ‘concerned’ about my lack of partner status, despite the fact that I had said multiple times, this is my choice, has been for the past X ye@sr, and I have no intention of looking for someone. She would keep digging into her phone to ask her friends if they knew any single blokes, pointing out people at work I might be interested in, it was exhausting. I felt that I was continually needing to defend my choice.

in the end I took her aside, and told her that she she was causing me a lot of distress by her behaviour, and that whilst I knew it might come from a concern for me, I was happy as I was, and she needed to knock it off. She apologised, and stopped. We’re still friends,no longer colleagues.

Ohhh this is why I stopped seeing one side of my family. “have you got yourself a wee boyfriend yet?” and constant constant jibes about being long term single. The faux wide eyed “concern”. Never once asked about my extremely successful career or anything else in my life.

I’m not single anymore, but I still don’t see them becuase I cba. For some reason being a single woman in your thirties is viewed as some sort of problem, a bit of a joke if you will, and it also seems to become everyone else’s business. I don’t have any advice, but just solidarity. It’s really bloody irritating.

the comments are pathetic & immature but sometimes fighting fire with fire works. I would likely use the following responses (and yes I might need new friends)

night on the apps - ‘sorry pal, just a freak show on there, not interested. Not fit for purpose and I have standards.’
‘grow up petal’ is another reply I use to get them to wind it in.

Regift the vibrator to his partner saying just in case he is not performing to standard.

Could you maybe suggest a brunch or something where it's just your friends, and maybe bring it up? I'm sure someone can help with better wording but just a low key "guys I'm not sure if you realise but there's been a few comments lately on nights out with secret santa that have been making me uncomfortable. I'm single, not a leper, and I'd really appreciate if if we could just focus on having a good time from now on and not on that".

hopefully they're mortified and it can be laid to bed.

They sound ridiculous immature and seem to think that having a man in their life is some sort of achievement 🙄

Everyone could be coupled up if they didn't have standards!!! Singleton is usually a case of having no met someone that's good enough for you. No more, no less.

I had a period in my mid 30s were everyone thought I was being "too fussy" as I went on lots of dates but didn't want anything more long term with anyone of them. I was just waiting for someone decent and not will to put up with crap. It look til 37 but worth the wait.

Get better friends - these ones sound fairly rubbish.

A very similar thing happened to me 5 years ago. I got a speed dating session as a secret santa gift and the friend thought it was utterly hilarious. It honestly felt like it was done to humiliate me.

They didn’t know that at the time I’d just started dating someone. He is now my DH and we have a baby on the way, but it still hurt at the time.

I honestly think it was the start of the end for that particular friendship and just their reaction told me everything I needed to know. There’s certainly significant distance between us and even now, whenever we are in the same setting, it feels like a competition as they had the family etc first and like we’re inferior because we did it later.

Those people tend not to change and I’m very glad to have distanced myself. I’d definitely recommend doing the same if you can!

I’m not surprised you’re fed up with their stupid comments. How immature of them to be so vulgar. I’ve been single a long time and had the vibrator present too. I wasn’t impressed. It went straight in the bin. When I was asked how ‘my new toy was’ I told them it’d gone in the bin. I also got fed up of people who thought my dating stories were the evening’s entertainment.

I’d try going out with the group when it’s women only. If the tone still doesn’t change I’d stop going out with them completely. Is there anyone in the group you can talk to about how you feel?

They sound pathetic, and not really deserving of being called "friends".

I’ve only really had one friend who consistently tried to make me feel bad about being single and, surprise surprise, eventually turned out she was miserable in her relationship and they ended up splitting up. IMO people in happy relationships don’t behave like this, it’s the ones feeling insecure who need to try and reassure themselves that it’s better to be even in a miserable relationship than to be single (since that validates their choice to stay).

Not unrelatedly, it sounds as if their male partners are immature and find it a turn on to fantasise that all single women are wildly sexually frustrated and craving their dicks. Giving a vibrator as a present to a woman who isn’t your partner is just plain weird. If I was his girlfriend I’d be dumping him for that.

I had a group of friends like this. All coupled up..we (the women) went out one night and I was asked how long it was since I had sex. It was five years, since my marriage broke up.
This was utterly hilarious and they all laughed and joked about it all night long. The same women prided themselves on being feminists.
I was very very hurt.
I also got lots of comments how I could "never do anything" because I was solo parenting two young children and just couldn't cheerily tell my hubby I was off out.
Something then happened that completely opened my eyes to the fact that these women were not very nice and it was their own jealousy/issues that were behind it.
I'd distance myself from these friends. And I'm sorry. It does hurt.

Could you speak to them individually and explain you're happy as you are and you find the constant comments upsetting and immature? It might be easier to get the message through in a 1:1 setting. When they do give you advice about using apps etc just reiterate that you're happy as you are but if you do need advice on finding someone you'll ask but until then can they cut the advice/jokes/quips out.

Yawn and ask them to find new material.

Is it your friends doing it, or their partners when you are all out? They sound utterly grim.

Why are they so obsessed with sex?

I was going to suggest just socialising with your friends when they don't bring their partners, but I doubt that'd make them any less creepy.

How old are you all? Their comments sound immature.
I'd keep letting them know you don't like those types of responses.

Then I'd be spending less time with them. I'm not interested in hanging out with people who know they're upsetting me and keep doing it.

And when they asked why I wasn't coming out, I'd tell them the reason.

Can't you just tell them to cut it out?

It may be because I'm male and we're just a bit blunter but in a similar situation with my friend group I'd just say, "Mate, give it a rest, it's honestly starting to piss me off now" and that would be the end of it.

Your friends partners seem less appealing than a vibrator.

I'd say jealousy \insecurity is the root. Friends are probably envious of your life since they have to live with dickheads. Partners insecure because they know you're happier and their wives might cop on to this and chuck the dick heads in the bin