To think that life is too expensive?

OH teaches in a state school. Presumably they’d rather go on holiday together.

Brighton? That's not a great salary, but if you've only been teaching for 5 years I imagine you'll be moving up the payscale pretty rapidly, upto low 50s? That will make a big difference. And you could take active steps at trying to get promotion (or creating promotion opportunities for yourself). Your salary could be drastically different in 5 years.

It will be harder being surrounded by the extremely comfortable - ultra rich. It's easy for people to assume you're jealous or say you shouldn't compare, but we do naturally, subconsciously take cues from those around us as to how life is.

I haven't been on a holiday in years, and the short trips I've been on have been in this country. I can't afford a new pair of shoes even tho the only pair I can actually wear right now (injury, I need supportive shoes) are broken. I only buy secondhand clothes. I work three jobs. I have other privileges and strokes of good luck that mean I'm not on the breadline, but I'm aware my daily life is well beneath what many mid-level earners would consider normal.

I don't say this in a lecturey way at all, more to illustrate that it makes a difference what you're surrounded by. Most of my friends are in very similar circumstances to me, so to me this is just normal life.

Also it is known that we are in a cost of living crisis. Wages have not kept up with inflation and a variety of causes (covid, Brexit, climate crisis, etc.) are combining to increase the prices of many things even more. So objectively, yes, life is too expensive for many people right now. But it's also worth examining what you've assumed is normal and necessary in your life that might be making you feel stressed. I've found lots of middle class people view some things as normal essentials which I wouldn't, so it could be worth evaluating.

Somebody mentioned credit card Debt
If you’re struggling, Phone them up and tell them that you want a 3 to 6 month holiday to get on top of things
It won’t do your credit rating any good but it doesn’t sound as though you want to be borrowing any more money at the moment.

Apart from it being in the OP, it's been pointed out time and again on this thread that she teaches at a private school.

80k in London isn’t much really. Not with the cost of things here. Travel on public transport is expensive, as is food and general living really. Which is why I’m leaving.

I compare my life now to 2008 when I made the decision to have children
And I would not have made the same decision now it’s absolutely horrendous in comparison.
We used to have a summer holiday abroad for two weeks and at least one extra trip to Centre Parks as well
That would be completely out of our reach now even with inflation busting pay rises which we’ve both had

I can understand it grating when you're teaching pupils with massively wealthy families while you're worried about money.

On a practical level the credit card interest must be costing you a big chunk of money a month. Without that would giving your son enough money to pay for university if he takes out as much loan as he can and works part time himself?

You and your husband will both get really long summer holidays, especially you working in a private school. If you both spent that time working you could hopefully pay off a big chunk of that. Great if you can find something teaching adjacent (although I don't know how much demand there is for tutoring etc in the summer holidays), but failing that if you go to the local temp agencies they will hopefully find you something even if it's minimum wage. Of course go through your outgoings as has already been suggested. Are you upgrading things like phones on a regular basis? That really adds up when older phones can carry on for years.

Utilities and council tax clearly vary widely - but our gas and electric are below 100 a month on average - insulation, heavy curtains, 19degrees, short showers, don’t wash clothes after one outing, avoid a half empty oven every night, careful filling the kettle - all these small choices can make a big difference to bills

showere can be over a pound a go if half and hour ( looking at you DD ) long - that woukd be 100 a month just on showers for a family of 4 and it’s easy to get that right down

I agree with you

I work extremely hard and earn about 40k. I’m in my late forties.

i’m very fortunate that my dh earns a lot more so we don’t worry too much but I do wonder what quality of life I would have if i was on my own or dh didn’t earn what he did. It’s very tough out there.

Do you mind me asking what your role is within teaching? I'm on the Upper pay scale but nowhere near 70k and need to up my salary as really struggling here!

Move out of the SE when your child goes to university. As teachers there will be vacancies in many other areas where housing is significantly cheaper. You could even go mortgage free and have holidays!

OP is a teacher!!

I was thinking the same thing- our council tax alone is £315 a month. Combined council tax and utilities are £780 a month!

That's a matter of opinion.
Maybe it's not a "massive" income but it's a "decent" one.

Utilities and council tax £350 a month?

Ours total £525 - and we have solar panels which bring the electricity costs down

We had 5 nights at haven only 3 weeks ago for £180 for 2 adults,1 child and a dog
Didnt go for the cheapest caravan choice and club passes/swimming slots for the week were included ! We had a great time

Op work out your tax home pay, minus any student loan and pension.

40k sounds like a lot but after tax, income tax, ni tax, student loans, pensions ect, then council tax then mortgage...it's not a lot at all

www.thesalarycalculator.co.uk/salary.php

But shes a teacher so can't go out of term time

It sounds like both your and DH earnings are likely to improve quite rapidly as you are early in your teaching careers so that is something.
My advice is don’t hang out with the rich and privileged unless you want to feel poor!
Reality is that huge number of us are working long and hard and yet not able to achieve the standard of living this would have provided in past decades. Not good.

£80k for a two adult household is NOT a massive income

The private schools round here, midlands, break up at the end of June, so 8/9 weeks for summer, 3 weeks for both Easter and Christmas, 2 weeks for October half term plus two one week half terms, so much longer holidays than state! They mostly do Saturday school too, so wouldn’t be much scope for a second job!

Although I do sympathise OP, literally everything is much more expensive than 10 yrs ago.

I agree op. Although it will be affecting people differently.

Dh earns around 50k, I earn around 20k working part time. I’ve just taken on a second job.

We do ok but once all the bills and mortgage are paid, food shop done. There is little left for anything like a holiday or days out.

People will say it’s lifestyle, but we drive an old car that we own, we have a takeaway maybe once a month, never buy takeaway coffee or lunches out.

There are always a few large expensive’s throughout the year. Car insurance, Christmas, birthdays, replacing something in the house or new tyres.

Fuel bills have doubled in the last few years, council take has gone up 10%, food shop has gone up 25%,.

We went on a very nice holiday in 2019, it cost 3k. The same holiday today would be 6k.

Salaries just haven’t gone up enough to absorb these extra costs.

I have friends who bought their houses 10 years earlier than us and have paid off their mortgages. Housing costs are a big part of it I think.

I also have friends that simply never go on holiday and certainly not abroad.

Will your DS be working in the holidays ?

Or

While he is at uni ?

You have both retrained and started again in a different career so you are in the early stages of teaching. I taught an evening class at that stage to earn extra, and colleagues did exam marking. We were younger of course.

Won't you receive annual increments for a few years yet? And when you gain more experience you should be good candidates for promotion.

I realise it's tough especially where you live but surely better times are ahead?