Dh & Dd going out early every weekend

Just get up & go with them? It’s you choosing to sleep in, not them.

I haven’t once said it was virtuous - just that you can’t expect people to sit about and wait for you if you choose to stay in bed.

Surely to goodness it’s fairly uncontroversial that 8 is early to be out the door on the weekend?

Even for the competitive early risers on here

Nobody has yet explained why the dad and dd can’t enjoy some time together.

This is a good point too.

It sounds wonderful to me too!

Can you not go and join them once you’re up.

8 is very early, but maybe they are just early types.

If she doesn’t want to get up then she has to accept that people aren’t going to wait around for her 🤷‍♀️

@TaggieO

she doesn’t want to. It’s a weekend ! Who wants to be getting up at 7.30am as if they’re off to work!

@faerietales

getting up early isn’t more virtuous - it doesn’t have to be the default to defer to the preferences of the early risers. Perhaps op has a particularly stressful job or something and she needs to catch up on a bit of rest and sleep on weekend mornings. Plus you haven’t answered my question- would it kill the daughter and dad to crack on with their chores or whatever to give mum a bit of a lie in and then all go together? Why can’t that happen sometimes?

Getting out of the house by 9:30 is doable but 8 is different.
I think that's pretty early for a weekend. We don't usually get up until 8 on the weekend. Certainly wouldn't be ready to leave the house by then.

I see this all the time with women, do more childcare, spend more time with the kids, but do it my way, not yours and don’t enjoy it too much or do anything too fun.

Honestly, I’m inclined to agree with this - why shouldn’t a dad be allowed some one on one time with his daughter on a weekend without being called selfish or told that he’s excluding his wife?

I have some great memories of spending time with my dad at the weekend while my mum relaxed or saw her friends. I can only imagine that the posters criticising this man never had anything similar with their dads.

This is so bizarre. Just get up at 7:30. Problem solved.

Get their own way?? They are awake and ready to go out, 8am is a perfectly normal time to go for coffee and breakfast with kids.
Making your DD and DH stay home and do 2 hours of chores while you sleep in because god forbid they go out and enjoy themselves when she’s asleep.

I see this all the time with women, do more childcare, spend more time with the kids, but do it my way, not yours and don’t enjoy it too much or do anything too fun.

Maybe OP can have her lie in one day of the weekend and get up not early (because 8 isn’t early) the other day.

2 out of 3 are happy with the perfectly acceptable arrangement.

So, OP needs to compromise.

@Cherrytree86 because at the moment, two people are up and ready to go and one is choosing to stay in bed. I would be pretty annoyed to have to sit around and wait on someone who just couldn’t be bothered to get up.

If OP wants to join them, then she needs to get up and fit in with their routine, not expect them to sit about twiddling their thumbs or “doing chores” until she can be arsed to get out of bed 🤷‍♀️

@faerietales

why not? Why should they get their own way all the time? Maybe some weeks they could wait a while for Op - the daughter get her chores out the way like tidying her room or whatever, the dad sort his and then they all go together like at 9.30am or 10am - maybe doesn’t have to be every single week, but I don’t see why the wants of the early risers should take precedence every time if Op is also wanting to join the trips.

Why should they have to wait for her if they’re up and both want to go out somewhere? Surely she’s the one who should be getting up and ready if she wants to join them?

So you want them to stay in and wait for you to enjoy your sleep in first?

But why shouldn’t they want to have some time “just them”? I really don’t understand this thread AT ALL!!

@WestwardHo1

“half the day”?? Hyperbole. It sounds like Op would be up and ready for 10am which is a perfectly reasonable time for a weekend morning. It wouldn’t kill her husband and daughter to wait for her - I’ve sure there’s loads of things that they could be getting on with

Why can’t they have a bit of time together? Don’t butt in,OP!!!

If you want to join in then wake up earlier.

If you want a lie in, fine, and isn’t it lovely that DH keeps DD entertained and lets you sleep.

but you cannot have it both ways and expect your family to wait around for you to finally fall out of bed before they start their weekend.

@Doanythingtostartalloveragain lots of good ideas on here.

The thing is nothing will change unless you speak up. If you've not told DH that you're unhappy, he and DD will assume you're OK with it. I love having some 'me' time so DH used to take our DS out at the weekend sometimes when he was little. My DSis ex used to take their boys to their football practice every Saturday. Both her ex and my DH would assume we were fine unless we spoke up - they'd think they were doing us a favour by taking the kids off our hands.

Why did you stop organising days out? And, when you say organising, was it a case of you suggesting and you and DH booking things, sorting out food etc between you or did you have to do the lot? Were the others happy or did it seem they were agreeing for the sake of peace? What made you stop organising or suggesting things?

Because, in our house, I'm often the one who'll say 'how about a drive down to the coast one Saturday' or 'we haven't been to such and such for a long time - loved it there - shall I see if there are any tickets'. DS and DH would jump at the chance but they wouldn't necessarily think to suggest it as they'd be thinking I'm enjoying the 'me' time.

⬆️ these are very sensible suggestions.

OP, how much have you actually communicated with hubby over this? How does he respond if you ask him to just hang on half an hour so you can join them? Does he understand how low you’re feeling? Is he supportive in general?

If your mood is low, then making an effort to change things can seem insurmountable. Conversely, making a change can have a positive impact on mood. So you do need to force yourself to perhaps see GP about anti-depressants or hrt if this is linked to peri. And to talk to your husband about how you are feeling about the weekends and why you want to shift things up a bit.
Do you work OP or is your week focused entirely around your daughter such that at weekends when she isn't there you are a little lost? What things did you enjoy pre DC? Can you make time for hobbies and meeting friends?