Dh & Dd going out early every weekend

If she's young enough to be going to a playground you are the parents and tell her what's happening at the weekend. Why not just book an activity for either day? Say we are all going to soft play/zoo etc at 10 you can go to the park together tomorrow? I get you are feeling pushed out but rather than moping change the routine if it doesn't suit

If you can't see why it's odd, I'm afraid I can't help you.

I personally think you should let them get on with it. Weekends we would go out with Dad giving Mum some free time.

Honestly this is a non issue. Why don’t you alternate waking up with them and joining them / organising an activity (zoo, museum, show, etc) for the three of you / enjoying a morning alone / see a friend for brunch.

Can you elaborate further? What are you implying?

Why don’t you do something in the afternoon? She doesn’t have to play with the other kids in the street if there’s an alternative planned? Plan something!

Do you not talk about plans for the weekend before the actual day? You don’t say how old your daughter is but I don’t think saying every other weekend you are going to have a family day where she doesn’t spend time with friends would be an issue. Have you spoken to your DH about how you feel? What does he think?

Also wondering why this is odd. My DH will take the children out on his own, my friends husband usually takes their DD (only child) to their clubs on the weekend and mum stays at home, why can't men take children out without it being seen as weird? Would you also think its odd if it was the reverse and the mum was doing it?

It’s not fairly early at all!

How old is DD, sorry if I have missed it in all the posts.

I don't think there is anything wrong in what they are doing, especially as you say you are not generally an early riser and I know other families who do similar with the dad taking the child out early or to any clubs they go to at the weekend, giving mum the lie in.

I think you need to be more bold about joining them if that's what you want to do. Make sure you are up and ready. Maybe they worry that you saying you will come means delaying going out early as you will want to get ready.
Likewise in the afternoon you are the parent. If you don't want your child out on the street every day then you need to say no. If you have no other plans though I don't see the harm, but otherwise you need to step up and say to DD not to go out as you are going swimming/shopping/cinema whatever.

@cheesycheesy ?"deliberately excluded'? Well maybe, just like my DH is 'deliberately excluded" from going for lunch, to the beach etc on Saturdays. He is delighted to be, and we don't even bother to ask him any more. We have different ideas about how to spend a weekend day, nothing wrong with that!. If he wanted to be "included" on our Saturday trips he would just have to get up a bit earlier and come with us! He absolutely doesn't do that! Same as the OP deciding to have a lie in Nothing wrong with that, but how can she then complain that she's not in on the outing?

If you know they like to get up and out early, make plans ahead of time. It's not reasonable to expect them to sit around while you have a lie in, just in case you wanted to do something. If you want a family day, talk about it the night before, don't just sulk about it after the fact.

What is odd about a dad wanting to spend time with his daughter? Could you clarify?

Perhaps you could take it in turns to do this. Have to say one weekend lie in a week kept me sane when DDs were early risers. It's nice that DH wants to take her out but I can also see the point about family time.

Why is it odd? Could you clarify?

Ah that’s good! That is win win all round!

Just speak to your husband in advance. We do a quick "right, what are we up to this weekend" every Friday evening and make plans accordingly. Your DD isn't in charge of the weekend.

Does every other person on MN live rurally in a place where there's no way to walk or cycle anywhere without having to drive?!

I think OP wants everyone to tell her she's a victim.

But plans are being made, and things are happening?
It's just not your plan?
Unless they've actually said 'no @Doanythingtostartalloveragain you can't come'?

Can’t you get up and join them a bit later? I get that they like some time together but I also get that you are feeling left out. If you went along after an hour or so, they’d get time together and you’d get a lazier morning.

@Doanythingtostartalloveragain, I feel you really need to give a bit more detail about your living situation if you want useful advice.

You can’t go out because they take the car?

Okay … But you’ve said your daughter plays with local children later on - so you’re not living on a vast farm in the middle of miles of deserted countryside?

Perhaps you have an illness or condition that means you can’t get about without a car? In which case you must either negotiate car use with your husband, or find alternative, manageable transport - so you can leave the house under your own steam.

If it isn’t a physical incapacity that restricts you - perhaps you need to plan to move the household to a place with better public transport? I can see that finding it impossible to travel anywhere on your own must be frustrating. (Obviously millions of people do move about without a car - but I’m sure if that were possible for you, you would already be doing so?)

Do you not communicate any plans AHEAD of the day?

What’s stopping you being awake when they are?

Are you actually pissed off that your DH doesn’t think/bother to plan any family time? So it’s either you do nothing (unless you do it)or just him and DD? That’s a completely different conversation.

OP, if I didn't arrange outings and activities for DS, none of them would happen at all. DH wouln't really think to do it and wouldn't know how to go about it in any case (DS has specail needs, and lot of effort needs to be made to find activities and organisations which suit him, he is 16 so I have had many years to refine these skills!). That's just the way it is, it's one of my roles in the family, and I do it very well. DS has many activities and he and I often also go to places of interest etc. Because of my work I don't get to spend a lot of time with him otherwise, And neither of us like sitting at home watching movies or playing board games etc. Being out and about is our thing.

DH does many many other things for the family which wouldn't get done if he didn't do them. But he doesn't like things like walks in beauty spots or zoos or the beach or going to lunch (he will always say that he could have made the food cheaper at home, and so complain that he is being 'ripped off", which is not really the point!).

If the division of both mental and physical "work" in the marriage feels uneven then you need to talk to him about it and make arrangements which feel right for you both (and DD). You may need to be more proactive in planning the family's life.

If they both like to go alone without you every weekend morning then this is problem.

They should get time alone but it’s half the day every Saturday and Sunday, which seems a lot.

I think you need to tackle this head on and tell them you’ll be going with them tomorrow and you’ll be ready by 8 to leave.

And it’s of rude of your DH to commandeer the car like that, he should ask you if you need it.