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AIBU?

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Original poster

Cricket (or general hobby widows) how do you cope? AIBU to be fed up?

36 replies

Goddessoftheearth · 01/06/2025 08:55

DH played a lot of cricket in his younger years, but as a good Dad has been about as DSC and our DS have been growing up. He’s now playing again, and because DS is now into it, has set up a junior division at the local club too.

Saturdays are now basically him and DS setting off at 9.30ish for an hour and half for junior training, he then pops back home to pick up his equipment and disappears for the rest of the day. Usually gets back at 7ish - can be later, especially with an away game. And that’s every Saturday until early September…

It also impacts our social life as although I am more than capable of catering and setting up an evening BBQ for friends at ours, I don’t know when he will be back. Equally, if we get invited somewhere, I have to go alone until he shows up.

I am feeling really resentful and fed up and we are only a month into the season. I’m trying to plan things for a Saturday myself, but if he’s later back, by the time he gets home I’m like an unexploded volcano and the slightest thing will set me off. I’m also tetchy, sarcastic and just plain mean in the mornings before he leaves.

I hate behaving this way and it’s - obviously- putting a real strain on our relationship which has always been strong. I think I’m struggling with a sort of mid life crisis at the moment where I’m not particularly happy with work/ the way I look/ where I am in my life/ what my purpose is in life and so that may be a part of it. I’ve tried explaining it to him (I tend to need to write it so I’ve emailed how I’m feeling as otherwise I find it difficult to articulate just how I do feel) and he says he understands and appreciates how hard it is, but nothing changes.

So AIBU - it’s good for him to have a hobby, he works hard (main breadwinner) and so I should get a grip and calm down.

or

YANBU - the majority of every Saturday of the summer spent on his hobby is excessive.

I’m feeling really miserable right now and like a thoroughly horrible person.

OP posts:
culturevulture1984 · 01/06/2025 11:20

I really feel for you. It's hard. I think after what you have been through you need support. I feel like that too. It's partly maybe a midlife, age thing. It can be very lonely.

5foot5 · 01/06/2025 11:07

Saturdays are now basically him and DS setting off at 9.30ish for an hour and half for junior training, he then pops back home to pick up his equipment and disappears for the rest of the day. Usually gets back at 7ish - can be later, especially with an away game. And that’s every Saturday until early September…

Literally every Saturday?

Does this mean you can never go away on a family Summer holiday together? I would find that aspect very hard, especially as you have a school age DS so must be restricted to school holidays for when you can go away.

Original poster
Goddessoftheearth · 01/06/2025 10:57

I am in menopause yes - I had a hysterectomy a few years ago and I’m on HRT. I probably am jealous yes. I don’t have a similar hobby that I can get involved with/ my passion is horses but I can’t afford to do that.

Re childcare, my DS goes to home games so on those days I am able to do my own thing, but tbh, it’s quite lonely. Yesterday I went to a local historical venue with my camera and wandered about. And yes, for those with young children, I totally get that I am fortunate to have that time to myself, so from your perspective, I am totally BU. On away days I’ve tried to take DS on outings with me, but he’s 13 and can mope about - I took him to a local agricultural/ county show, but he was totally disinterested. Equally, I don’t want to leave him to his own devices and go out leaving him at home to watch mindless videos on YouTube.

So yes. I guess in someways I ABU. And yes, maybe I need to take a good hard look at myself here. I don’t want DH to give up cricket - I’m proud of him. I know that sounds like a juxtaposition. I am conflicted by my emotions and want to be supportive and happy for him, but each time I tell myself this and to grow up and be an adult about this, I then revert back to being grumpy and miserable the next week. Perhaps this is just 49 year old me trying to find my place in the world.

OP posts:
Pootles34 · 01/06/2025 09:17

I don't want to vote as no one is unreasonable. It's a great thing for them to do together. It sounds like you're unhappy generally though - what's going on with work? Is it worth speaking to a therapist separately to work through that?

Also, I hate to presume, but might this be the menopause making you unhappy perhaps?

GettingFestiveNow · 01/06/2025 09:12

Are you getting the whole Saturday to yourself or are you caring for other dc? (I have small dc at the moment and would LOVE that much time to pursue my own interests/just have a bit of peace and quiet)

What do you want him to be doing during the time he is currently at cricket?

Dave57 · 01/06/2025 09:10

I have similar but its pockets of time rather than a full day. Husband and eldest heavily in to football. Lots of training, watching, playing. We have a younger child who isn't keen on footy.
I put my foot down now and again if there is a specific event / outing but mostly just try to get on with it. I do get like you if its in the midst of a busy time as I feel like I am taking on a lot of the load. It can be frustrating. I manage that sometimes by either not bothering to do housework/ jobs or delegating out to the husband so my weekends aren't always doing the boring stuff.

As my youngest gets older and starts to do his own thing I plan to use the time for myself. Bottomless brunches with the girls, picking up a new hobby etc.

ExtraOnions · 01/06/2025 09:10

…So you get Saturdays to yourself, and because you can’t think of anything to do, you are like an “unexplored volcano”?, or rude to them before they leave.

It’s not their fault that they have found a healthy way to spend time together, this is very much a “you” problem.

Yes, being late can be annoying, but these are fixed Over matches, so it’s fairly easy to work out the probable latest time it will finIsh.

DH was a Cricketer … but I liked to go along with.. nice sunny day, a book and a glass of wine, chatting to other people (and occasionally watching the game). He doesn’t play anymore and he really miss it.

TBH, you sound a bit jealous.

Labiabella · 01/06/2025 09:09

YANBU. I'd find that very hard as well.
My DH is into Motorsport and is often at track events or racing events through the summer. We have a 5 year old and I'm a real grump when he goes because even though I love our daughter, she's at a 'naggy' stage and a weekend of just me and her is draining.

It's caused me to resent him a bit being honest and like you, I'm going through a similar 'tetchy' stage. Between careers, etc. I feel like while he's working/at race events I've just slotted into default parent/housewife mode and I really hate not having any family plans at weekends.

RacingDriver · 01/06/2025 09:08

I don’t think anyone is being unreasonable - him wanting to enjoy his hobby with your DS or you wanting to see more of him because you aren’t feeling great.

I think communication really is key. I think it would be unreasonable to ask him to give up the cricket but he could be better with time keeping and spending / helping you work through what else you are dealing with you didn’t mind as much as I think this is the underlying issue.

napody · 01/06/2025 09:07

If he was leaving you to look after the children then yes you'd be perfectly reasonable to resent it. As it is I think you need to think about how you want to spend your own Saturdays for yourself.

Lokielo · 01/06/2025 09:07

YANBU. Have you talked to him about it? It is good for him to have a sport but cricket is one the most time consuming hobbies out there. It’s great for those that play it but pretty crap for everyone else. If he’d stopped playing and was going back to it, he should have considered the impact on you and the rest of your family. How old is DS and where is he when your husband is playing?