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AIBU?

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Original poster

Cricket (or general hobby widows) how do you cope? AIBU to be fed up?

36 replies

Goddessoftheearth · 01/06/2025 08:55

DH played a lot of cricket in his younger years, but as a good Dad has been about as DSC and our DS have been growing up. He’s now playing again, and because DS is now into it, has set up a junior division at the local club too.

Saturdays are now basically him and DS setting off at 9.30ish for an hour and half for junior training, he then pops back home to pick up his equipment and disappears for the rest of the day. Usually gets back at 7ish - can be later, especially with an away game. And that’s every Saturday until early September…

It also impacts our social life as although I am more than capable of catering and setting up an evening BBQ for friends at ours, I don’t know when he will be back. Equally, if we get invited somewhere, I have to go alone until he shows up.

I am feeling really resentful and fed up and we are only a month into the season. I’m trying to plan things for a Saturday myself, but if he’s later back, by the time he gets home I’m like an unexploded volcano and the slightest thing will set me off. I’m also tetchy, sarcastic and just plain mean in the mornings before he leaves.

I hate behaving this way and it’s - obviously- putting a real strain on our relationship which has always been strong. I think I’m struggling with a sort of mid life crisis at the moment where I’m not particularly happy with work/ the way I look/ where I am in my life/ what my purpose is in life and so that may be a part of it. I’ve tried explaining it to him (I tend to need to write it so I’ve emailed how I’m feeling as otherwise I find it difficult to articulate just how I do feel) and he says he understands and appreciates how hard it is, but nothing changes.

So AIBU - it’s good for him to have a hobby, he works hard (main breadwinner) and so I should get a grip and calm down.

or

YANBU - the majority of every Saturday of the summer spent on his hobby is excessive.

I’m feeling really miserable right now and like a thoroughly horrible person.

OP posts:
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Lokielo · 01/06/2025 19:13

Labiabella · 01/06/2025 16:38

Does it occur to people that the OP might not enjoy sitting reading a book in the sun with a glass of wine next to a cricket pitch? Especially considering it's not going to beautifully sunny that often.

Edited

Or that the club play in the local park with a shed for a clubhouse with one stinky toilet and no bar. Not all cricket clubs are made equal. There’s no lovely pavilion here. If my DH still played I wouldn’t be sat in there all day watching.

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 01/06/2025 16:57

Join the women's team...

Help out at the bar/bacon sandwiches/drinks
Learn to score.

Original poster
Goddessoftheearth · 01/06/2025 16:50

Thanks for all the supportive, positive and helpful comments. I am aware that I need to focus on myself more, and I have now addressed this with DH - he understands that I need something for me now as well. I think it’s easy as a mum to automatically put yourself bottom of the list without really realising you have.

There is no midweek cricket, but there is the odd Sunday game. DH does do a number of evenings out for work things too, so for the poster who said we have 5 nights a week to do things, he is often out midweek to networking and drinks events. Obviously this is something he needs to do (he does enjoy it too as he gets to go to some pretty amazing places!). Sundays are to do all of the chores (outside of housework) that don’t get done on a Saturday due to cricket.

I have taken a good look at myself and am really trying to sort out what I can do to make myself generally happier, not withstanding a Saturday hobby that can work around 13 year old DS on away days where he doesn’t accompany my DH. Sadly he is allergic to horses so definitely no horse stuff on these days!

OP posts:
Labiabella · 01/06/2025 16:38

Does it occur to people that the OP might not enjoy sitting reading a book in the sun with a glass of wine next to a cricket pitch? Especially considering it's not going to beautifully sunny that often.

ShiningStar3 · 01/06/2025 16:34

Not being unreasonable at all. Women are too often expected to sit in the background doing all the boring stuff and holding down the fort whilst men go gallivanting off to fulfill their ambitions. I very rarely see women (particularly mothers) able to dedicate the sort of time and energy their partners do to their personal interests and when they do they're all too often criticised for refusing to martyr themselves and adhere to the status quo.

XDownwiththissortofthingX · 01/06/2025 16:32

Capillaryaction · 01/06/2025 16:18

Everyone who says 'its only one day a week, have some you time'- it's not nice to be excluded and alone, for months and months on a Saturday.
You have all persuaded OP she is being selfish, and she is NOT. Just because she is menopausal does not mean she is being unreasonable.
He could VERY EASILY say he wasn't available for selection 1 Saturday in 4.

If he cares about his relationship he needs to make some relationship time, and they need to do something regularly that includes the OP.

Most clubs have fixtures on Saturdays and Sundays, and at the height of summer they'll play midweek evening fixtures as well. It's highly likely DH is already excusing himself from a good number of matches.

tinyspiny · 01/06/2025 16:30

YABU but I’m likely biased as I love cricket and like a pp I’d just go along with a picnic and a book . Have you looked for a volunteering opportunity near you with horses @Goddessoftheearth , lots of rescues , RDA groups etc like help .

Jellycatrabbit · 01/06/2025 16:29

I don't have any solutions but I do get it, OP.

My DH has a lot of volunteering and work commitments that mean it's just me and the kids 3 weekends out of 4, and 4 nights out of 7, and it's very lonely.

CurbsideProphet · 01/06/2025 16:25

Capillaryaction · 01/06/2025 16:18

Everyone who says 'its only one day a week, have some you time'- it's not nice to be excluded and alone, for months and months on a Saturday.
You have all persuaded OP she is being selfish, and she is NOT. Just because she is menopausal does not mean she is being unreasonable.
He could VERY EASILY say he wasn't available for selection 1 Saturday in 4.

If he cares about his relationship he needs to make some relationship time, and they need to do something regularly that includes the OP.

Yes I agree with this. It would be easy for her DH to keep 1 in 4 Saturdays free to spend time together. And make an effort on Sundays. And encourage / support OP to pursue her own interest in horses.

faerietales · 01/06/2025 16:21

Capillaryaction · 01/06/2025 16:18

Everyone who says 'its only one day a week, have some you time'- it's not nice to be excluded and alone, for months and months on a Saturday.
You have all persuaded OP she is being selfish, and she is NOT. Just because she is menopausal does not mean she is being unreasonable.
He could VERY EASILY say he wasn't available for selection 1 Saturday in 4.

If he cares about his relationship he needs to make some relationship time, and they need to do something regularly that includes the OP.

I wouldn't see myself as "excluded and alone" just because my DH did a hobby all day once a week for half the year.

They have five evenings and Sundays to go out and do something as a couple or a family, as well as all the Saturdays where there's no cricket going on.

Capillaryaction · 01/06/2025 16:18

Everyone who says 'its only one day a week, have some you time'- it's not nice to be excluded and alone, for months and months on a Saturday.
You have all persuaded OP she is being selfish, and she is NOT. Just because she is menopausal does not mean she is being unreasonable.
He could VERY EASILY say he wasn't available for selection 1 Saturday in 4.

If he cares about his relationship he needs to make some relationship time, and they need to do something regularly that includes the OP.

DublinLaLaLa · 01/06/2025 16:05

I second the idea of getting back into horse riding. Have a couple of refresher lessons and then book to go on a fortnightly hack. Could be a lovely way to spend an hour or so in the summer months. I know it’s an expensive hobby but, as someone up-thread said, there is a definite argument for some of the family budget being allocated on making sure ALL members of the household enjoy weekends.

On the weekends where you have DS, you could both try and get into an outdoor activity. Hiking/geocaching/one of those virtual treasure hunts where you trek around a city and use your phone to look for clues like this.

I do feel for you though.

Smartphone Scavenger Hunts and Riddle Tours | myCityHunt.co.uk

https://www.mycityhunt.co.uk/

Whaleandsnail6 · 01/06/2025 15:58

I think yabu but you do show some awareness of that.

Its one day a week and not even all year round.

You need to explore something that you enjoy for yourself. It might take some time to find the "me" thing but focus on that.

Also, plan an outing your son will enjoy for the days your husband is away games. Sit down with your son and come up with a list of various things you can do together, with varying budgets and indoor/outdoor things to suit all weather.

Its positive your husband has a hobby and a focus and that he also includes your son in that and doesn't ditch family life every week. I'd think you had a point if he was ditching your son every Saturday but that isn't the case.

lifeturnsonadime · 01/06/2025 15:57

Oh my daughter plays cricket in the Saturday leagues (and sometimes in the women's sunday leagues too! )

I actually love it. I go and watch and take a picnic and a book and crocheting stuff and, especially if the weather is good, it's a lovely relaxing day.

I miss it when the summers are over.

Have you tried going along? If not I can see how it is annoying as it takes up half the weekend.

Pyjamatimenow · 01/06/2025 15:48

Could be worse. He could be going and leaving you with the dc at home. It is a bit crap but I really think you need to go along socialise a bit or find your own things to do on a Saturday. Join a running group or similar. If your ds has a nice hobby and is happy I wouldn’t rock the boat. It can be hard to get kids into hobbies.

imnotrobert · 01/06/2025 15:40

My DH plays cricket, I can understand how you feel because it’s pretty much half the weekend taken up with it. My problem with it was really that it left me doing loads of solo child wrangling, and I do most of the childcare in the week too. I made it clear that while I support him doing his hobby, this was almost so much of a big ask as to be unreasonable, so his solution is that I get a lie in on Saturday and Sunday and he does a big clean before he goes so that I have nothing else on my plate other than doing something fun with DS. And he makes a big effort to make sure Sundays are pleasant family days. I’m more than happy with this solution 😆 although I’m not sure whether an arrangement like that would really work for you if your main issue is that you want more time with him.

If it appeals, going and watch in his home games (or drinking wine in the sun with a book) might be a good solution. My friends have now discovered that hanging around at a cricket ground on a sunny day is lovely, so we usually have a group of my friends and their kids there with us and it’s thoroughly pleasant.

Cynic17 · 01/06/2025 15:32

YABU. It's one day a week. Everyone needs a hobby and their own "headspace", so I'd be delighted that he has this interest.
This is your day to do whatever you like - what a gift! I treasure my Sundays, for the same reason.
Enjoy volunteering, sports, a hobby of your own, lying on your bed with a book, whatever. And then maybe go over to watch a bit of the cricket in the evening - a couple of sunny hours in a deckchair with a drink. What's not to like?

PullTheBricksDown · 01/06/2025 15:28

CurbsideProphet · 01/06/2025 15:24

Could find a horse related charity to volunteer with on a Saturday morning ie Riding For The Disabled? That way you feel like you were doing something you are interested in and not on your own?

Yes, I think you should look for a reasonably accessible horse thing to do, and have a discussion with DH about how it would be fair, if you have to spend half a year of Saturdays on your own, for some of the family budget to go towards you pursuing a passion of your own.

What are Sundays like? Are they family time or is everyone too tired / pissed off to do anything?

Tutorpuzzle · 01/06/2025 15:28

I think if it was anything other than cricket (like bloody golf!) I would be sympathetic. But honestly, cricket is just brilliant, as @ExtraOnions said take a book, glass of wine, and the day just unfolds.

Can I also recommend you watch the ITV sitcom ‘Outside Edge’. (If it’s on anywhere). It’s just brilliant, and may have you laughing wryly..

Hadalifeonce · 01/06/2025 15:28

Why doesn't your DS go to away games?
I love having Saturdays to myself, sometimes I will pop down to the ground for a couple of hours if it's a home game or close away game.
If we have something on on a Saturday evening, DH will make sure he leaves as soon as the match finishes.

CurbsideProphet · 01/06/2025 15:24

Could find a horse related charity to volunteer with on a Saturday morning ie Riding For The Disabled? That way you feel like you were doing something you are interested in and not on your own?

northernballer · 01/06/2025 15:23

My husband and 3 children all play cricket, so summers are basically me packing various picnics and shipping them off to matches.

What is the clubhouse like? I sometimes go and watch at the nice grounds, while away the hours with a few drinks and watch some of it. Otherwise I stay at home, occasionally cast my eye over Play Cricket to see how they're doing and do my own thing.

It is an intense hobby, and the matches are so long it's hard to plan when they will finish and that's without the rain breaks so you have my sympathy, not to mention cricketers obsession with stats which take hours to go through when they get home.

Trovindia · 01/06/2025 15:20

If my husband worked all week then buggered off every Saturday I would be inclined to think I would be better off on my own and free to look for a man who actually wanted to spend time with me. Yanbu. Every single Saturday all day all summer is excessive.

faerietales · 01/06/2025 15:17

I think you need to focus on your own hobbies and social life, instead of simmering with resentment over your DH’s.

napody · 01/06/2025 15:13

Goddessoftheearth · 01/06/2025 10:57

I am in menopause yes - I had a hysterectomy a few years ago and I’m on HRT. I probably am jealous yes. I don’t have a similar hobby that I can get involved with/ my passion is horses but I can’t afford to do that.

Re childcare, my DS goes to home games so on those days I am able to do my own thing, but tbh, it’s quite lonely. Yesterday I went to a local historical venue with my camera and wandered about. And yes, for those with young children, I totally get that I am fortunate to have that time to myself, so from your perspective, I am totally BU. On away days I’ve tried to take DS on outings with me, but he’s 13 and can mope about - I took him to a local agricultural/ county show, but he was totally disinterested. Equally, I don’t want to leave him to his own devices and go out leaving him at home to watch mindless videos on YouTube.

So yes. I guess in someways I ABU. And yes, maybe I need to take a good hard look at myself here. I don’t want DH to give up cricket - I’m proud of him. I know that sounds like a juxtaposition. I am conflicted by my emotions and want to be supportive and happy for him, but each time I tell myself this and to grow up and be an adult about this, I then revert back to being grumpy and miserable the next week. Perhaps this is just 49 year old me trying to find my place in the world.

That sounds like a useful train of thought OP. And a great point about the benefits for your DS and half the weekend spent outdoors and not on screens. I would really try and channel this into making some improvements in your own leisure time. This would help in so many ways, just one of which that you wouldn't resent them this weekly enjoyment any more.

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