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Original poster

Allowed teenage daughter wear trainers DH bought for me

164 replies

aifai · 01/06/2025 07:54

That's it really. DH is upset and swore never to buy me anything again because I allowed my DD to wear brand new trainers he bought for me. He's upset and called me naive, saying I take things for granted. Was I unreasonable for allowing her wear it before I did?

OP posts:
Worriedsickmostofthetime · 01/06/2025 08:03

I think a lot of PP have missed the part where you have let her wear them before you have.

I think that’s where the problem lies. I don’t mind lending my kids my things but I wouldn’t let them use something I myself hadn’t worn yet, especially a gift
from my DH.

Is DD his child?

Gundogday · 01/06/2025 08:03

The gift was for you, not dd. By letting dd wear them, you’re implying you don’t like or want them, and are rejecting his nice gesture.

If they were old clothes, fair enough, but not new clothes.

whitewineandsun · 01/06/2025 08:02

It's weird that you let her wear them before you have. I see his point, actually.

Do you struggle saying no to her?

sunshineandshowers40 · 01/06/2025 08:00

Why did you let her wear them before you? Did she ask or did you offer?

DominoRules · 01/06/2025 08:00

I think that’s an odd reaction - if I gave my DH something and then he let one of our DSs borrow it I wouldn’t be bothered at all (unless they were prone to losing or breaking things!)

Ddakji · 01/06/2025 07:59

Borrrow your clothes and shoes? Fine.

Borrow something that was bought for you as a gift before you’ve worn it even once? Not fine.

Do you struggle with saying no to your DD?

ShellieAnn · 01/06/2025 07:59

I don't think I'd let someone use one of new things before I did, particularly if it was a gift that I really liked. So yes I get where he's coming from.

WasherWoman25 · 01/06/2025 07:59

Brand new and barely worn by you? Yes, I understand him being upset.

A few months old, unreasonable to be upset.

spoonbillstretford · 01/06/2025 07:59

heavenisaplaceonearth · 01/06/2025 07:58

Explain to him that the trainers are yours as he gave them to you, and that you can do whatever you like with your belongings.

This.

Dontsparethehorses · 01/06/2025 07:58

Surely he gifted them to you to then use/ share as you wish?

heavenisaplaceonearth · 01/06/2025 07:58

Explain to him that the trainers are yours as he gave them to you, and that you can do whatever you like with your belongings.

Butchyrestingface · 01/06/2025 07:58

I was totally on your side until the last line.

I still think he was unreasonable to overreact in such a way.

But generally no, I would not let someone else use a gift before I've done so myself - particularly so if the gifter lives in the same home and is likely to see this happen.

Does your daughter have form for damaging other people's possessions? Is that what he meant by calling you 'naive'?

NarnianQueen · 01/06/2025 07:57

That’s weird. Surely letting your daughter borrow your trainers is a fairly normal thing to do and doesn’t mean you don’t like them or value them?

Commonsense22 · 01/06/2025 07:56

Yes, i understand he was very hurt. It's like you didn't value his gift

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