Allowed teenage daughter wear trainers DH bought for me

This would have annoyed me.

I would have just seen my DH as ungrateful.

Letting your DD borrow something after you’ve worn it for a couple of weeks - fine.
But not on the same weekend and definitely not before wearing it yourself.

Your husband sounds high maintenance to me. He doesnt get to manage what you do with your stuff, thats controlling. He apparently has different meanings attached to you letting your own daughter wear your trainers than you do. Its his problem that he sees it disrespectful. What you see is helping out your daughter and make her happy. The gift is yours to do with what you want, not what he wants.

With a teen and young adult DC frequently in the house, my shoes are virtually communal but I’d neither let my DC wear something before I had, nor would they ask to (and they have low standards I caught one of them walking the dog in my Hermes sandals last week!)

that said there’s no way DH would complain so I’d be wary in your position.

I disagree completely with people saying that you shouldn't have let her wear them before you have. To me it makes absolutely no difference if I've worn them or not.
If tge same happened in my house with my DP and DS I wouldn't mind at all.
There's obviously lots of people out there who feel the same as your dh though so maybe we are in the minority.
It doesn't necessarily mean that you're in the wrong though. You just have completely different perspectives on this. I suppose you can acknowledge his feelings and you know what his feelings are for next time.

I was totally on your side until the last line.

What was in the last line that made you do a u turn on op?

I think he does mean naive. He means that the DD has taken advantage of OP and that possibly the trainers will become hers by default. I reckon OP spoils DD and DH wanted her to have a nice thing for herself. That’s why he’s cross. I bet this isn’t the first time OP has given away something of hers because someone else wants it. Also, it’s naughty of DD to ask for it. Team DH.

Wow. So many people invalidating his feelings?! It’s a gift so you can do what you like with it? You’re all really lucky if you have all have a DH who buys you things and will continue to buy them even if you obviously don’t appreciate them enough to not lend them out before wearing them even once.
I can totally see his point of view. Poor guy tried to do something nice and the gift seemed unappreciated. Don’t be surprised if the gifts stop coming!
Obviously if he’s a controlling arse then that’s another story, but he sounds like a disappointed sweetheart.
I’d apologise and backtrack, quickly. His kindness has been taken for granted.

What a petty man he is.
Mums often love to see their daughters wear something they love, even if it is before them.

I could imagine myself doing this and I wouldn't imagine my husband getting upset.
Infact it would be flattering that his excellent taste was given such a nod of approval by our fussy daughter.

I would frame it like that.
She loved them and just wanted to show them off for a few hours as the matched what she was wearing.

Lord but some men are so petty.

I was going to say this.

I think there’s a big difference between letting her borrow a pair of trainers you’ve had for months and a new pair you haven’t even worn yet. I don’t think that makes you naive, just a bit ungrateful. I think giving in to your daughter on this occasion is spoiling her. She can wait. You can say no.

I’d be upset too. Very inconsiderate. Team DH.

What are the trainers? Are they mega expensive ones?

I don't understand what he means by calling you naive for lending them to her. I do think you should have worn them first and by not doing so he feels you don't value the gift. Dd and I share clothes and shoes but an expensive gift from DH I'd definitely be wearing those myself before I let her get her mitts on them

so he got a work bonus he could have enjoyed himself but instead, he spent it on a gift for you? I'd be mad if I was the giver and someone did that to me

Do you have your own income to buy yourself this gift if you wanted to? Or does your husband control all finances.
i think this is the key question.
Did you tell your husband you liked them and he went out and got them? Or did he chose them all by himself? Or did you ask for them?
I find all of this bewildering if you have a joint account.
i am worried your husband is controlling character.

I voted YANBU until I re-read the last line of your OP. I think wearing them out now as a sign you love them will just look like you’re responding to his criticism, not wearing them because you want to.

Don’t listen to him op, it’s lovely that you want to share your nice things with the people you love.

My DP would feel the same way. He thinks people take me for granted. If he bought me something for me and the kids used it he would absolutely be pissed off. Once it was used and a bit older I don’t think he would mind.

So he used a voucher rather than buying them. He has even less cause to complain then.

I'd be upset if I had given someone a gift and they let someone else use it before they had.....although I think to some extent the magnitude of the gift is important. Dupes a tenner off the market "saw these and thought you might like them" maybe but classy expensive branded that the giver had to budget for, then as the giver I'd be upset, as the receiver I wouldn't lend them.....and also of course, even tenner off the market dupes might be a huge purchase for some people.

I definitely think there’s something special about wearing something new for the first time. I don’t even like wearing new things to work for the first time because it feels like a bit of a waste. I wouldn’t have let my DD have first dibs on something that had been given to me… especially an expensive pair of trainers that seemingly weren’t even bought for a specific event just a “because” gift. ( but I’m not getting new trainers all the time )

You were wrong, @aifai.

You’ve belittled your DH by making so little of his gift.

Equally - this is a strange way to bring up your child. You keep repeating that the trainers went well with her outfit. Who gives a fig? She knew you hadn’t worn them yet; she should not have asked - because it was bad manners. And you should not have agreed - because you’re allowing her to think she’s entitled to everything. God help her if she carries that attitude to school.

If only you’d said No. Your husband wouldn’t be feeling humiliated and annoyed, and your daughter would be on the way to learning to respect that other people are important too.

I think Spinachpastamaker defines the issue very well.

I think it’s that you haven’t worn them yourself yet. I have DDs with the same size feet as me. I got trainers from DH for my birthday too. While I’m generally happy for DDs to borrow my shoes, definitely not before I’ve worn them myself.

Yes it’s the “never been worn” thing for me too. I’m not quite sure why it’s makes a difference but it does to me. It’s like you’ve pointedly made it obvious you don’t really care about the gift. If you’d worn them and loved them for a few months, it would show him you valued them and were grateful. Now it looks like you just don’t care at all right from the off.

Also he bought them for you, YOU. I’m sure if he wanted to buy your teen expensive trainers he would have. He wanted YOU to have something nice for YOU, showing he loves and values you as a person. And you’ve basically dismissed that idea/caring thought and gone straight back into “ever giving mum mode” and given them away. It might feel like a subconscious rejection of his care for you as the attractive woman he loves, rather than as a mum figure.

It doesn't matter to me whether or not she had worn them before. His reaction is just as weird. A gift is a gift. It would be another thing if OP didn't appreciate the gift, but she does. She just doesn't express that appreciation in a way that's acceptable to her husband. I find that controlling.