Allowed teenage daughter wear trainers DH bought for me

This is an odd response

Yeah, that would just look passive aggressive to me.

How much were the trainers?
Were they bought for a specific purpose? (road running, gym, specific sport)
Would you have been able to buy them if he didn't have the voucher?

I do find the child quite entitled to ask

I would have been very disappointed if you let her wear them first. But he shouldn’t have over reacted.

He sounds like a man who wants to be in control of everything. He gives you the trainers and then he wants to be in control of who wears them and when. I wouldn't like that.

If it was a highly personalised gift — a piece of engraved jewellery or something precious or fragile — then I would have more sympathy for him. But it's his own daughter who's borrowed them. And they're just a pair of trainers. Poor you, OP.

I posted years ago about elderly neighbours who'd dipped into their retirement savings in order to buy a car to enable their youngest grandchild to get to her new job. She failed her probation and was let go a few weeks later. She sold the car cheaply to one of her friends and used the money she had left over for a holiday. My neighbours were devastated: they were not well off and to see their DGD treat their gift like that hit them hard. I thought that was poor behaviour but the whole of Mumsnet turned out to tell me that once you've given a gift you have no say in what people do with it. And yet here we are with people telling you you shouldn't have let your daughter wear your new trainers...

Exactly, this is clearly what he means by 'naive'- the OP will barely get a look in as the daughter will always be borrowing them.
People on here are being deliberately obtuse to dig at the husband for having the temerity to be a man who's annoyed and upset by rude behaviour.

Really? You think it’s normal for a teen to take something belonging to someone else without even asking?

she begged and you said yes
and they only came on fri

dont bother wearing them today
you would just be making a point - badly

Thank fuck for a sane post.

I am aghast at the posters that think she should be grateful she got a gift and to feel sorry for him.

Gifts should be about the receiver not the giver.

He gave the trainers to you. They are therefore your trainers to do what you want with them. His reaction is a massive red flag for me 🚩

Nothing wrong with his use of naive. OP didn't realise how her actions would affect him, which was rather naive of her, plus she may have been naive to not realise her DD might be taking part ownership.

Surely the fact that she ASKED .. before borrowing them is more of a talking point. My perfectly normal teenager DD would have just worn them, I’d have been a bit pissed off, there are no circumstances under which I feel that DH would care.

My mum does this. She let my sister use a bag I'd bought her before she used it herself. It was designer and yes I was miffed because I had saved for it and taken a lot of care in choosing something she would like. Sister is notorious for not taking care of things. I've not bought her a designer bag again.

My brother bought her a designer bag and she was offering it for me to use before she did. I said no because bother bought it for her to use and it does come across that she doesn't really appreciate the cost or time spent in choosing something special. She doesn't understand because she just doesn't attach importance to material stuff. It's not just about the cost element though which it's what I was trying to get across.

In the scenario you describe I would be upset but my dh wouldn't. I think she was rude to ask knowing you hadn't even used them yourself.

It looks to me like your husband was trying to make a grand gesture by trying to buy you something useful and nice that you wouldn't have bought yourself with his work voucher to show you how much you mean to him. You loaning them to DD the following day without ever wearing them yourself probably feels like you don't care about the gift and didn't see the sentiment behind them. Whereas you saw it as you had a thing that DD wants so it would be nice to give it to her

It's 2 completely different ways of looking at gifts. The only really surprising thing is that you've been together long enough to have a DD that can borrow your shoes and don't know about each other's approaches to gifts.

I can see why your husband was upset, it must look to him that you weren't really bothered about his present. However careful your daughter is the trainers will not be in pristine condition when you get them back. She shouldn't have asked to borrow them either.

I'm really surprised so many people are happy to let other people borrow their shoes. No way would I allow anyone to borrow mine.

He’s being a twat! You don’t give a gift with conditions! Its nothing to do with him what you do with them once he has given them to you!

It's a pair of shoes not the bloody crown jewels , is he always this excitable over such small things?

I can see both sides tbh

Not sure why you didn’t just say no to your daughter and tell her to wear a pair of her own shoes and I do think it could have come across you didn’t value the gift by letting her wear them before you. I also think your daughter is an entitled brat for even asking to wear your brand new shoes before you had even done so. But for your husband to make a big deal of it and talk about not buying you anything again seems OTT too.

I agree. I don’t see him as being controlling, he’s got his wife a thoughtful gift and she’s basically immediately given the gift away without even using it
I would see it as her being pretty ungrateful tbh

Buying your loved one a gift is boosting your ego now? 😂

I don’t see it as controlling.

He got a voucher and instead of spending it on himself, he wanted to treat his wife.

Instead of being grateful she’s given them to her DD to wear before even wearing them herself.

If I bought my DH a pair of trainers and before wearing them himself he allowed his son to wear them around, I’d be upset too and I’d be thinking I might as well of just bought something for myself.

I also find it controlling. The husband should find a different way to boost his ego.

I'm curious as to DD's age. I can imagine a teen being cheeky enough to ask but any older and that's cheeky, with a large side order of rude, knowing their DM hasn't had a chance to wear them herself and they had arrived the day before. I can easily see why OPs DH is miffed.

I read the whole post, I just have a different perspective to you.