Allowed teenage daughter wear trainers DH bought for me

The trainers were a gift to you. It's up to you what you do with them. Same as if you'd been gifted a cake, a voucher to a spa, or a glass vase.

I can see he might be slightly miffed that you'd not worn the trainers first, but it seems rather an over-reaction given that your daughter is careful with things and wore the trainers briefly.

They're just trainers. I'm not sure why it matters who wore them first.

I agree it is a bit weird and I wouldn’t have let dd borrow them. Plenty of time for her to borrow them when they’re not as new. You should be enjoying the newness! And dd shouldn’t beg to borrow new goftsI hardly ever get new shoes so for me they’d be new for ages.

I can’t believe people are getting so worked up over…a pair of trainers.its not like you trashed them or gave them away to a random. You just let your daughter borrow them.Is he normally so irascible? And people here are drawing all sorts of conclusions-spoilt daughter, inability to say no. It’s a pair of trainers, people!

Your daughter sounds spoiled. You DON'T ask to wear someone's brand new clothes/shoes before they do. She "begged", teach her some manners.
I would be upset I was your husband and I would think twice about what I gifted you in the future to be honest. It feels like an unappreciated gift.

She's probably used to being told yes whatever.

Its a shame your dd hasn't got more respect for her mum. You don't ask to wear someones trainers before they have worn them, especially when they were a present, if you have a does of respect for those around you

I don’t think he knows what naive means…

I think your daughter was a CF for asking to borrow them knowing you'd never even worn them yourself

They are trainers not jewels.

She didn’t say they were the only possible ones did she? Just that they looked good with her trousers.

I agree that they were a personal gift and tat the OP shouldn't have lent them out.

But if they were £50 trainers for knocking about in the house and garden then that would temper my response over a £300 pair that were designed for road running and my partner was suffering because their current pair were messing up their knees.

It also makes a difference as to whether these are something that the OP could just get herself or whether they can't afford another pair for a few years.

Interesting that they were the only possible shoes that went with the outfit the dd choose to wear that day. The dh could be right about the op being naive.

If your DH didn’t use his voucher to buy the trainers that arrived for you on Friday - what would your DD have worn with her trousers yesterday?

I think that’s his point about being naive.

They arrived and your Dd loved them. She begged you to allow her to wear them and I suspect it was about none of her other stuff looking right?

I don’t think YABU to allow DD to borrow stuff. But a brand new gift from someone before you’ve even had them in the house for 24 hours. Yes - Yabu on that and I can see why your husband is upset.

Never worn by the OP

Quite surprised how many on here share clothes and footwear.
Never in million years would I expect to use my siblings or mums belongings or wear their clothes
My clothes/footwear are my personal things not communal

Er, only if she wants to escalate the matter and make him even more unhappy!
He’s upset that she didn’t wear them (at least) first. He gave them as a gift, presumably with some thought, and feels she hasn’t appreciated it. He’s entitled to feel hurt.

Just apologise. Say you hadn’t thought about it from his pov. Tell him you appreciate the gift and WILL wear them yourself, of course.

Agree. One post about him having the hump that she doesn’t seem to have appreciated a gift and suddenly he’s a control freak with more red flags than red square on Putins birthday!

Just surprised no one yet asked if he’s ND

But only if they behave in a way that is deemed acceptable. That's not love.

Sometimes the famous MN hatred of men goes a bit too far. I’m a feminist and survivor of DV so know exactly what some men can be like, but I really can’t see this gift as “boosting his ego” - some men (Not All) are actually quite nice and want to be nice to their wives that they love!

If you don’t always let your dd borrow everything of yours whenever she asks, I can see why your dh would be a bit upset that you immediately let her wear your new trainers. He bought you something he thought you would love, and at the first opportunity you gave them to your dd to use, instead. It could easily have given the impression they were not particularly important to you. I think sharing trainers of all things is disgusting, anyway, tbh - just makes me think of sweaty feet and athlete’s foot!

On the other hand, he could equally have decided to be pleased that his taste was clearly so impeccable that even his dd loved them.

I do think your dd was selfish to beg to wear your trainers before you’d even worn them yourself, especially if she realised you genuinely liked them, too. Would she do the same for you, if you coveted a birthday present someone had given her?

None of this matters.

They were a personal gift - presumably offered with love. It’s not (in itself, without more) ‘being controlling’ to hope that your partner will give some evidence of appreciating something you’ve bought for them. Being married doesn’t negate the whole dance of respectful etiquette on receiving a gift. What the OP did was a bit of a kick in the teeth to her husband.

Really hope this isn’t a regular pattern in their household.

Your DH should have no problem with you occasionally sharing an item of clothing he bought you with DD, provided it was taken care of.

I'd actually take the bloody things, put them on a makeshift altar and make obeisance to them to show him how stupid he's being.

If your daughter was going to play football on a muddy pitch then he’d have a point but as she’s the type of person to look after things I don’t get it. My husband would think it was nice if I did this for our daughter.

YANBU OP. Your DD asked first and you said yes (ignore the posters asking if you struggle to say no FFS!). They are your trainers to do what you want with. One borrow does not mean that your DD will assume they are part hers. Your DH is being ridiculous and over the top. My DD and I borrow each others shoes all the time, I love the fact that we are the same size.