Allowed teenage daughter wear trainers DH bought for me

Let’s not normalise being a great mother =putting others before ourselves.

It’s giving “Last Christmas I gave you my heart, the very next day you gave it away”.

I gave my XP a gift once that I’d spent hours making. I knew he’d love it, which he seemed to, and then he sent me a photo of it in his house, with a backdrop of Winnie the Pooh wallpaper. His DD had said how much she also liked it so he’d put it in her room. I found that really hurtful as I hadn’t spent all that time making it for someone else to enjoy it.

Obvs in my case it was slightly different as it wasn’t my daughter, but even if he’d given it to one of my DCs I’d have felt like he was ungrateful or worried that he didn’t like it. If someone buys me a gift I would make sure they see me using it so they know it’s appreciated. Letting someone else, no matter who, have it first says you don’t really value it.

Well, quite. I was making a point that he was being OTT.

I tend to agree and think that children should not be encouraged to form the view that it's acceptable to ask to use someone else's gift when the recipient has only just got it and before they've even had a chance to use it themselves.

Whether that's your mother or anyone else - "oh, it's only mum, she doesn't count" is not good thinking to encourage.

Not when they brand new. Fortunately my DDs both have different sized feet to me

What trainers were they?

What a stupid comment, they’ve been worn, you can’t exchange worn things.

It's a gift for you to do as you wish. If that means letting your daughter wear them first, so what.
He has no control over that and it does not mean you don't value to gift.

If she looks after them and isn't wearing them to go clearing canals I wouldn't see an issue. It's a pair of trainers not a diamond tiara.

Maybe she needs her own trainers though. But if its a one off wear, it's fine surely? If you don't mind.

I think re “naive” the DH could have been referring to (totally made this up!) OP falling for DD saying “oh but they go so well with my trousers, way better than any of my own shoes!” when in actually fact they are (say) Gucci bee trainers and the DD hasn’t seen past the brand and just pounced. DD knew how to get around OP (oh no, nothing to do with the brand, they just go with my outfit really well), OP loves the look of the trainers oblivious to the brand connotation, DH knows exactly what’s going on here.

I say this because I’m actually gobsmacked that a child can ask a parent to use/borrow a personal gift to them when they’re brand new, literally box fresh, not even a day old. The daughter knew exactly what she was doing. The OP fell for it. Hence, “naive”.

You're a great mother, putting others before yourself. Your husband should wind his neck in and see what a wonderful woman his wife is.

Yes, let's all reinforce the idea that women who put their needs last are wonderful and should be commended.

I guess if you had brought them yourself and wouldn’t let someone else wear them first he also has a point.

He bought them for you with a voucher he got for working hard. So yes you are unreasonable

He should be delighted that the trainers he chose were cool enough for her to wear.

Your DH is being ridiculous. How can he make those claims when you've let your own daughter, who presumably you both love the bones of to wear them?

It would be different if you let Joan next door wear them who never returns borrowed items.

You actually did a really kind thing by letting your beloved daughter wear them before you because you thought they'd go well with her outfit. You're a great mother, putting others before yourself. Your husband should wind his neck in and see what a wonderful woman his wife is.

If he 'regrets using it on you' then give him the trainers back and he can exchange them for something for himself.
You didn't ask for the trainers, or did you? If you did then I'd say you should've worn them a bit before lending them out. I wouldn't lend new shoes out to anyone, personally.

It was a bit rude and ungrateful to lend them out straight away. He'll spend the next voucher on himself, lesson learned.

Not normal. Can't imagine my DP giving a shit about something like this.

DH would probably be a bit miffed but he'd understand that I love DD more than him. 😜

I am surprised so many think it's perfectly normal to let someone use your gift, especially before you have worn them. There are usually so many posts on here from women who are upset that mother's day/birthdays have been forgotten and they have not been given anything. I agree with your DH that you seem ungrateful with the trainers and by letting DD wear them you were passing them onto her as you didn't want them or like them.

On a side note though I didn't think people actually shared shoes with anyone. I can't imagine having my feet in someone else's shoes they have been wearing. Again this would to me be that DD is claiming them as hers, which if DH had wanted to buy her a gift would be fine, but the intention was for you.

I would be very upset if I bought DH something and DSDs wore it before he did. Would feel very unappreciated although I’m not sure I can articulate why.

Well it is lovely?

I don’t see why everyone here is rushing to make sense of the angry dh’s rather OTT response. Its just silly and unnecessary and controlling.

I don’t think he understand what naive means ! But anyway, I do this with my daughters pretty often. Dd1 is at the moment trotting around in a beautiful pair of shoes I hadn’t yet worn. Honestly there is nothing I wouldn’t give to my dds if they really wanted it, I like sharing with them.
DH wouldn’t criticise me for this, although he does tell the dds to look after whatever it is.

He thinks you’re saying I’m not going to wear them so you can have them. Plus you aren’t really meant to wear other people’s shoes.

Usually when I lend something to DD I never see it again. Not on me anyway!