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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think my coworkers are rude?

63 replies

getmeoutofhere36 · 31/05/2025 22:57

We moved to a mid size town in Ireland a few years ago. I've been working part time in retail and I'm really struggling with my coworkers.

All they do is talk about other people, all day long. It's not that they're horrible to me or anything. But it's like their only topic of conversation is the people around them and the people they know.

AIBU for finding this strange?

Everyone frames it to me as a cultural difference and I'm trying not to judge. But it's so hard, and I can't help feeling like these women are just gossips, actually, and they're the ones with poor social skills. I feel like I'm being gaslit into thinking something is normal and "cultural" when it really isn't.

Example :

It's a four hour shift I'm working with my manager. She spends 1.5 hours of it total having conversations with customers. Each conversation lasts about 25 minutes. The entire conversation is about people they mutually know. The cancer / divorce / death / emigration, new baby / new job / personal business of all these people I don't know, who aren't in the room with us. I can't contribute to this conversation. If we were working together on something before it started, all I can do is stand there like a lemon and pretend to look busy, waiting for it to be over. Or I serve all the other customers while my manager is just standing and talking. Sometimes this happens three times in a row, while I'm doing all the work and she pretends not to notice.

It's so awkward. This happens ten times a day. There is never any attempt to make introductions, involve me in the conversation, or explain who all these people are. She just launches right into it and leaves me standing there. To make it worse, we work with three other women and they all do the same thing. I get that they're used to living in a world where everyone knows everyone else, and maybe it's awkward for them. But am I crazy to think this is a lack of basic social skills? Isn't it just manners to introduce people? Don't they think it's rude to talk about other people's personal business in front of a stranger?

OP posts:
Catinthereallysmallhat · 01/06/2025 00:26

KrisAkabusi · 01/06/2025 00:20

They know all their customers, their families and whats going on with them. It doesn't sound very small to me, it sounds like a very large circle. And I'm certain they don’t need or want your sanctimonious 'pity'.

Show quote history

Gossiping with customers and about them doesn’t mean you have a large circle, it means you’re a gossip. I suspect you are like the women Op is talking about, small town, bored housewife, not much going on, same routine every day. Yup sounds dull.

KrisAkabusi · 01/06/2025 00:20

Catinthereallysmallhat · 01/06/2025 00:04

They have small lives. Apart from work what do they really have going in their lives? People who are bored and have no lives are generally like this. I actually kind of pity them.

They know all their customers, their families and whats going on with them. It doesn't sound very small to me, it sounds like a very large circle. And I'm certain they don’t need or want your sanctimonious 'pity'.

Catinthereallysmallhat · 01/06/2025 00:04

They have small lives. Apart from work what do they really have going in their lives? People who are bored and have no lives are generally like this. I actually kind of pity them.

AppleKatie · 31/05/2025 23:57

Sounds completely usual and I know what you mean about feeling like a spare part while the conversation goes on around you.

Ive no idea how you crack it- but let me know if you find out/ it would make for more comfortable times with my in laws if I could work it out 🤣😬

honeyfox · 31/05/2025 23:52

I'm originally from close to a small town in Ireland, I'm really sorry but it sounds quite typical to me. It's not the same everywhere, I worked in pubs before I left and there wasn't that kind of gossiping at all. It's so rude and everyone is not like that. I would try to move to another workplace if you can.

steepdreams · 31/05/2025 23:52

Talking about people isn’t considered rude here and people aren’t nearly as private, ESPECIALLY in town where everyone knows everyone. Rather I think it would be rude to not enquire how your customers’ family & friends are keeping, especially if you knew they were in ill health or not doing well. It sounds like they’ve all known each other for years and have strong community relationships, something I noticed isn’t as common outside of Ireland. It would be very strange to not ask after people just because a new colleague doesn’t know who they are!

InWalksBarberalla · 31/05/2025 23:51

O think this is a retail thing - where long time workers form relationships with long time customers.
It would be strange to introduce you into a conversation between another staff member and a customer - surely you just continue doing your job and have your own interactions with the customers you serve.

DoYouReally · 31/05/2025 23:45

Your probably in a small rural town where it's fairly relaxed and business is more about keeping customers happy and welcome. (I'm willing to bet you're not in an Aldi or Lidl where getting customer served fast is more of a priority).

It's not gossip or malicious but it's very localised "poor Mary, she's having a tough time with her illness at the moment" or "Maeve & Ronan got engaged at the weekend it's it great""etc.

If you I produce yourself at all "I'm X, I just moved here" people will be more than happy to chat.

It doesn't sound like your boss would have too much of an issue with you taking it handy too.

You have two options - move to a Lidl or Aldi or a larger area - probably only Dublin or surrounding areas. Everyone knows everyone in more rural parts.

Meadowfinch · 31/05/2025 23:42

I guess it's a different culture

I once spent two (very long) weeks working in a different city in the UK. All my colleagues at that site talked about was their ailments and their medications. When they got bored with that, they'd move on to their mums' or husbands' ailments.

When I joined the team, I was asked what medication I was on (wtf!) and when I said 'nothing' it was like I didn't exist.

I wasn't sad to go home. Maybe that's what you need to do before your resentment becomes obvious. Why would you want to spend time with such ill mannered, gossipy people?

Original poster
getmeoutofhere36 · 31/05/2025 23:13

babystarsandmoon · 31/05/2025 23:02

It sounds like you all have far too much spare time to be stood around gossiping.

It's worse when it's quiet, but even when it's busy my co-workers make their conversations a priority. They'll just stand there and talk while I do all the work.

My boss seems to think that's what I'm there for, and I can't say anything, because I need the job. I can be serving three or four people at one time while she stands and talks. For twenty minutes.

I'm not lazy.

OP posts:
27pilates · 31/05/2025 23:12

Gossiping is a national sport in Ireland.

Original poster
getmeoutofhere36 · 31/05/2025 23:05

Most of the friends I've made here are fellow "foreigners" (that's what the Irish call us). The few Irish friends I have been able to make are nice people, but they make excuses for this behaviour. When I try and talk about it it's like they purposely misunderstand me. They tell me things like "people will get used to you", and "you'll fit in more when you get to know more people". But that's not the problem. It's not about how many people I know. It's about the way people act when you're not in their circle. I feel like I'm being gaslit into thinking this is a me problem, when it's really not.

I'm sick of people having conversations right in front of me when they know I can't take part. I'm sick of no-one bothering to make basic introductions. I'm sick of every conversation being gossip about someone I don't know! Can't we talk about books? Tv? World events? Obviously nothing sensitive. No war or religion. But it's like normal small talk doesn't exist here. I try, and it falls flat unless we're talking about the weather. I can get about ten minutes out of that.

Can someone please tell me if this is normal? Have I just found myself in a weird workplace / town / group of women?

It's really wearing me down. I put on a good face, but it feels like I'm being deliberately ostracised for being different. I go home some days and I could cry.

OP posts:
babystarsandmoon · 31/05/2025 23:02

It sounds like you all have far too much spare time to be stood around gossiping.