My sister is such a cow!!

Maybe, but I really don’t think so. The fact that you have come to tell everyone on mumsnet adds to the reason I think you enjoy making yourself look good and your sister look bad. I feel for your sister. And your mum stuck in the middle of your drama and probably has been for years.

My thoughts exactly!
Why does there need to be 'superior' gift to exceed all others??
TBH this post could have been written about my own sister. Her relationship with me has always been about point scoring, oneupmanship and outdoing me at every possible opportunity in our life with every single family member. It's almost like she feels the need to prove that she is the better of the two of us. I'm so tired of it that I just can't be bothered with the drama anymore and do my own thing. This sort of behaviour should have died out in the playground.....

How do you reach the conclusion that the only form of joint effort is enforced joint effort? A democracy is a form of joint effort: in the UK at least, voting is voluntary. I do plenty of “joint” things: they’re all thing I CHOOSE to do. Not things my sister tells me I have to do, or nags me to do, or guilt trips me into doing. As it happens, I love joint family gatherings! The more the merrier! But nobody in my life tells me I MUST attend. I am extended, or extend, an invitation. It wouldn’t be fun if people were forced to be there. That makes it work, and I have plenty of that as it is.

You said

Pretty much everyone has, except my eldest sister who tells me she ‘hasn’t got time’ and that it’s a gift from me, and she’s already got her gift sorted!

But after the sewing thing, you know how she feels about your 'projects' and that's why she didn't reply.

I don’t know.

Every post you’ve typed has made me feel less and less sympathetic towards you.

You’re accusing her of being “jealous”
and trying to “ruin your idea”

At the very best it’s incredibly childish.

She clearly doesn't like you. But she would rather try to thwart your lovely idea rather than take a few minutes to do something nice for your mum. That said, she may genuinely not have many recent pics of her and your mum or pics of her as a child. So it may entail effort on her part. However, writing a few nice words takes no effort at all.

In my experience, when people assign their own motives to the actions of others, especially when they accuse them of being jealous of them, they are usually wrong. Calling her a cow for not wanting to participate in a present that you are micro managing and are going to take the credit for is really over the top and says more about you than it does her.

On the other hand, I can see why you are slightly annoyed, I've done this sort of gift in the past, it would be nice to all be on board, but she obviously doesn't like the fact that you are putting all this together by yourself and 'claiming' it is a group present, when you aren't actually letting anyone else have any real input into the end result. In other words you are just using their photos and memories to make yourself and your present look good. If you actually cared about their input or presenting it as a group effort, you would all sit down together to do it, or you would each do your own section separately and bind it together at the end.

It is obvious you don't want to present this as a group gift, so sadly she has no interest in participating in it, it's a shame really, but it sounds like you have form for doing it in fairness.

Some of the comments on here are unhinged. Sorry OP, it sounds like a nice gift and a normal thing to do.

No time to read four pages of posts but you sound like my sister who is lovely and her heart is in the right place but she loves this pics album stuff and I hate it. I also had a very different mother parent me than she did. Same person but she adored my sister while being abusive towards me so I would find my nose totally out of joint if I was asked to give up my time and energy looking for pics for someone elses gift idea. Sorry OP I am firmly with your sister on this one.

The more the OP posts, the more I'm inclined to agree with you.

It seems sibling rivalry never dies in some families.

If it’s a joint effort then it’s a joint gift and shouldn’t be from just you.

Wow, what a massively negative viewpoint. I’ve been the person putting these books together, and I’ve also been really happy when someone else does it, because it’s a lot of work, but it’s always really nice either way - for the recipient. They are always obviously group gifts based on pictures from different events and people.

Calling someone you don’t know a narcissist is… well… some things are best not said.

Yes, absolutely. It’s really pathetic. Hopefully if that is the case, her sister is past caring and her mum is wise to it.

You’ve been waxing lyrical about all the effort you’re making, the pressed flowers and whatnot, and how this will be your DM’s most meaningful present and how jealous your sister must be that she hadn’t thought of it. It does read a bit as though it’s less to do with your DM and more to do with the fact that you’re still - in your 60s - angling to be the favourite daughter.

It's how it comes across though, well to some of us at least.

I know we only get one side of the story on MN but like a PP, it's one story I'd dearly love to hear your sister's view on.

Especially with the added 'sewing project'.

Either way, you're disappointed and I get that but following up 4 times when your sister had told you no, doesn't show you in a particularly good light either.

I don’t think you’re coming across particularly well here OP. It makes me wonder if you want the glory of giving this gift, despite it not really bring from you as such, and that you think the gift will make you look better than your sister. It would be really interesting to hear your sisters side, I wonder if you have spent your life trying to outdo her and then calling her a cow. It’s not a good look.

The most important person in this is your mum. How will she feel if your sister is conspicuous by her absence? If you think she'll be upset at all, then in your shoes I'd probably grit my teeth and tell your sister that and ask if there's anything you can do to 'help' her contribute. Using photos you've got, writing her message for her etc. If she still says no, then you'll have done everything you can for your mum. And yes, your sister is being a cow.