My sister is such a cow!!

You're forgetting the fact that the OP asked for opinions - and when you do that you have to expect a range of them, and for people to be honest. There are some other sayings I'm sure you tell your kids: including sometimes having to be cruel to be kind etc etc etc.

You clearly have your own boundary issues: if you ask someone to do something then you have to be happy with a potential answer being "no". Whether or not the idea is "nice" or not is irrelevant. The sister's "no" response is perfectly valid and should be respected. Maybe you have problems taking no for an answer?

I like this idea!

I mean, your take on it is quite dramatic too and comparing her to a 14 year old? It’s a memory book for a ninety-year-old woman, even if she’s busy and not super keen she could probably just take five mins and send a couple of pictures and a few nice words. But if she doesn’t want to, I’m not sure why that makes the OP childish? Unless it feels good to suggest that to someone? I sometimes tell my 14-year-old ‘if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all’ 😊

Really? Genuinely, how come?

I’d just leave a blank space where you were expecting your sister to contribute and if your mum asks about it, just explain that she didn’t participate. Let that sort itself out on its own.

I imagine a lot of people would change their minds if they read the whole post history rather than just the original post: the additional information you provided casts you in a far more negative light than the information provided in the initial post. Including the "sewing project" and your comments that make it seem that you have some kind of desire for your gift to be viewed as "the best" or for your sister to be "jealous" of what you are doing. That is the kind of spiteful school girl logic that you should have ditched from your mentality many decades ago. Grow the heck up!!!!

Again: You are in your sixties! This kind of behaviour is unbecoming! Make a photobook or don't make a photobook, it really doesn't matter. Just stop expecting your sister - or anyone else for that matter - to join in with your projects. From now on: do your projects yourself. If someone wants to join in let them ask, stop with the expectations and the drama. It is a bit ridiculous that this is the same advice I had to give to a 14 year old girl the other day who was upset at school, but here we are. Hopefully she will listen and won't still be making the same expectations errors decades later in her sixties! I hate to think how much wasted time and angst youve expended over the years with this petty silliness.

The only one who looks stupid here is her. So just carry on and make the scrap book without her. It’s a lovely idea.

You seem to not understand the word I used- “narcissistic”. I didn’t say you were a narcissist.

Just a quick distinction—calling someone a narcissist is saying they are one, like they have a narcissistic personality disorder or deeply ingrained traits. That’s a big claim and usually needs more context or even a diagnosis, which obviously could never be done on a chat forum. Saying someone is acting narcissistic, on the other hand, just means their behaviour in a certain moment or situation seems self-absorbed, attention-seeking, or lacking empathy. It’s like the difference between saying someone is rude vs being rude right now. One’s a label, the other’s an observation.

I totally agree with you.

I totally understand and agree with where you are coming from lol! Definitely have one of these "obsessive planners and organisers" in my extended family - and they are insufferable. They tend to like to have something to complain about, or a cross to martyr themselves on, and if there isn't a cross available they will concoct some drama to writhe around in.

A closer family member was starting to go down that path but those expectations got managed very quickly and boundaries were put in place to make sure they knew that sort of behaviour was not appropriate and was going to cause unnecessary drama. I think most people are smart enough to realise that "joint" gifts are a source of potential drama and that the best way to avoid that drama is to just do your own thing. Sadly there are people in the world who seek out opportunities to either reinforce their concerns/annoyances, or who go further and have a psychological issue that means they confuse drama with attention: they can't get people to like them, so the way they get them to pay attention to them and interact with them is to cause annoyance. It's a sad situation to be in, but if the individual wants to get better then CBT and related therapies can be very helpful (I realise I'm preaching to the converted so my points are for other people who may be reading).

She’s always had issues with the fact that I’ve been more confident and outgoing than her, and this is how it manifests…sadly.

I just want to shake her & tell her what a selfish cow I feel she’s being.

Jealousy, possibly?!!

"Find a couple of photos of your Mum and your sister, where your sister looks ropey and include them!"
Hahahaha!! Love it!

She doesn’t like the fact that the gift that may well mean the most to my mum will have originated from me.

the gift that may well mean the most to my mum

AIBU in thinking she’s a complete cow??

this project / gift is much bigger than her, she’s just a small part of a big family

She often doesn’t support me on this type of thing. So I’m not that surprised.....

Your posts aren't out of concern, there's no warmth whatsoever.

Get you wanting to vent, but,
If you aren't so surprised, why ask her, why follow up 4 times, why post on here,
why turn it into a big deal, why keep on?

You disagree with posters giving possible reasons for your sister's refusal but agree with everyone bashing her.

She (unsurprisingly) said No.

There's a surprising number of people who aren't aware you can change your vote.

Very diplomatically put.

OP sounds just like my own sister, a complete pain in the arse who needs more to do in her life so that she can stop dreaming up crap like this and trying to commandeer others to take part. As you can see I am not so diplomatic.

Quite, and people don't bother to go back and change the vote after the follow up posts.

If you don't think she's motivated by jealousy at the OP being the organiser, what reason do you think she has for being so awkward?

I think she's probably just pissed off as the OP has form for these 'projects', clearly doesn't like her sister, thinks her sister is 'jealous of her confidence' and has a penchant for calling her sister a 'cow' on a public forum.

That and the obvious bad history between the two of them, are just a few reasons.

Ultimately we have two grown women squabbling like 9 year olds and their poor mum has probably had a belly full of it their whole lives.

I’d just carry on without her contribution. She might be uncomfortable with the idea, I know I would be.

I did similar for my DM's big birthday and my DSis did similarly. I just took what I had and didn't make a big deal out of her lack of engagement. My DM will have seen messages from the other 18 people who did contribute but I have never obviously pointed it out. That's on my DSis not me. In my case I am the least liked member of the family so it was to be expected from at least one member! (I haven't done anything to deserve it other than being myself e.g. left wing in a right wing family or gay in a straight family). But my DM appreciated my efforts.

Polls aren't generally representative of anything other than people reading the opening post, and clicking one of the options.

I think a lot of polls would have very different results if people had to scroll to the end of the thread, before voting.

I was kind of with you a little bit after reading the OP, but your subsequent posts made me feel very differently.

My guess is that there is a huge amount of history of OP trying to outdo her sister and her sister is done with it. She probably knows that the gift is more about OP making herself look and feel better than her, rather than about her mum. You only need to read OPs responses to know that.

Well she is ruining OPs idea, isn't she? Her mum is getting a momento of her life and for reasons unknown her oldest daughter can't be bothered to send a photo and a word or two to complete it. I think this is really weird behaviour from the sister, who can't bring herself to do for her own mother's pleasure what she'd probably do for a colleagues retirement. If you don't think she's motivated by jealousy at the OP being the organiser, what reason do you think she has for being so awkward?

The poll is just opinion. No one can know the full story without hearing all sides and some people aren’t good at reading between the lines or may be similar to you themselves. But you’re giving off a vibe that to me and others isn’t great.