My sister is such a cow!!

Well if you're right, so what? The gift would be better for her mum if her sister featured. If the sister is putting her resentment of OP ahead of doing a really quick and simple thing for her mums benefit, then she's still the worst of the two, even if OP is as you imagine her to be. Because OP if you're correct, is simply irritating. The sister is cutting off her mums nose to spite OPs face.

Also, many people don't have physical photos. If she could email you pictures and you print them would that work?

Agreed...the narcissism comment may be fairly true to the mark.

I feel like I’ve read an entirely different thread. Can’t think of one example of the OP being really angry. MN really is wild!

it is just sibling rivalry

or as a friend misheard from her HV, civil rivalry

That’s a shame. We did exactly the same for MIL’s 90th and she loved it. I provided most of photos - some from the day itself, but several people provided other older photos.

There is clearly a competitive dynamic going on here, and it’s not just from sister.

Whatever you say, those ‘collective’ gifts which are arranged and given by one person but require effort and energy from everyone are about the giver and it sounds like your sister is choosing not to engage with that. That’s her right and doesn’t make her a cow. Your tendency to harass people into your way of doing things (not just the presents, she tried to organise a holiday and you still tried to make that about you and your wishes) might be quite draining for her and she’s trying to disengage with it.

Think I said that in my post. Not sure why you bothered replying?

Oh my goodness, one of my sisters has form for electing herself to organise things like this and it's infuriating. When she does this, she makes everyone else's presents look meagre in comparison and she often accompanies it with a jolly good amount of arselicking and gushing.

It often appears rather condescending to the often elderly family member who is the recipient of the gift, although I'm sure this isn't her intention. I'm wondering if this is how your sister perceives this situation? Perhaps she has organised her own present and is silently rolling her eyes?

It sounds like she resents you taking the lead and would rather do her own thing. Perhaps she finds you overbearing or feels that she would rather focus on her own relationship with her mother rather than contributing to your gift?

She’s made it clear she doesn’t want to contribute. Let her do things in her own way.

I don’t think someone is necessarily selfish for not doing exactly what you want them to.

Does your mother have any care needs? If so who does the bulk of it? As one of 4 siblings, I realise that these situations can lead to resentment between siblings, causing situations like this.

This horrible reaction to the word no is really saying much more about op than her sister.

Perhaps the mother in this scenario would simply prefer her DDs just finally stopped bickering like five year olds, that would be the greatest gift I imagine, and learnt to get along.

Calling someone ‘fucking selfish’ is NOT mildly miffed! Op is livid and sees her sister as being difficult without really pausing to consider why or to be respectful of someone else’s wishes.

I’m with your sister. I couldn’t be bothered with all this art and crafts crap. It’s you that wants to do it so it’s up to you to include everything

I can’t comment, as I don’t know the OP and can only go on what I have read.

Just send this message.

I thought you would have wanted to be included in the photos and messages but everyone else will be in the book so it's not a problem.

If I had to guess, just based on the OP’s posts, I’d say the mum will know exactly why one person is missing. Anyone really believe this is the first dispute of this kind 🤣

OP comes across as the golden child of a narcissistic parent and her sister the scapegoat

Can I ask where the evidence is that the 90y mum here is ‘narcissistic’?

Agreed. People are just being usual MN-level unpleasant and seeing the worst in ordinary situations. One family member is creating a book for a 90y mum, who may well wonder why one child hasn’t written a message. People make things so difficult and complex. Maybe that’s how they live their own lives, who knows.

Many people blindly supporting the OP ‘put in horrible pictures/hope she gets cut out the will’ etc are not seeing the spite running through all her posts that is so evident to the rest of us.

OP has given herself the hero role with all these projects, and hasn’t once mentioned what her sister actually has going on in her life, she’s very forthcoming with the insults so if the sister is living some relaxing retirement with plenty of time to spare Im guessing OP would have been keen to point that out, the fact that information is missing is pointed…

She is trying to make it a nice gift for the 90y mum and ensure her mum sees all her kids’ comments there. Why not take it at face value instead of looking for unpleasant intent? If I were 90 and saw a book with one kid’s name missing, I think I would wonder why.

Whatever the ins and outs, or rights and wrongs of the relationship you and your sister have, the fact remains that you've asked her if she wants to join in with what you're doing, and she's said she doesn't. So you're just going to have to crack on without her.

You are missing the point that what you think and what others think are not he same thing.

You clearly have different views and don't get on. But you are the one upping it a notch with name calling on a website to get support for your "side". You do you. Let her do her. Move on. You are grown ups and don't have to be alike or think alike.

I just went back to read her posts because thought I must have missed some, she sounds fine, mildly miffed and calmly responding to people’s questions?