Page 10 | My sister is such a cow!!

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PIPERHELLO · 31/05/2025 23:10

ThatKookyBeaker · 31/05/2025 23:05

Oh fuck off 😂 No 90 year old thinks photo books are naff, that's just normal for them! I'm assuming you're very young and not aware that a 90 year old would have used photo albums most of her life. Though she still may be too trendy for old lady perfume like Chanel number 5!

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Haha!! Yep, a photo book is right up this 90 yr old’s street!

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PIPERHELLO · 31/05/2025 23:09

MiddleClassProblem · 31/05/2025 23:02

When you say kinda this sounds a bit like you’re going to say it’s from you but the implication is from everyone due to the messages. It does feel a bit like you are saying look what I got you or an even a look what I got everyone to do.

It might be that you have form for this. Doubt you’d admit that here but your wording doesn’t feel like you are saying it’s a gift from everyone. It’s not a we are going to give it to her vibe. It’s an I will give it to her vibe.

Sister’s side would be interesting to hear…

Well it is something I have done, yes. I bought the book, and have spent a lot of time and effort on it. I think my mum will see it’s had involvement & input from everyone. I’m not hung up on getting all the praise or anything - that’s not really mum’s style anyway.

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RedhairDL · 31/05/2025 23:07

ThatKookyBeaker · 31/05/2025 23:05

Oh fuck off 😂 No 90 year old thinks photo books are naff, that's just normal for them! I'm assuming you're very young and not aware that a 90 year old would have used photo albums most of her life. Though she still may be too trendy for old lady perfume like Chanel number 5!

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Ooh! I do enjoy assumptions being made that I’m very young.

Unfortunately I’m not very young. But, you learn something new everyday…not everyone loves a photo book!

ThatKookyBeaker · 31/05/2025 23:06

MsTTT · 31/05/2025 23:05

Based on your posts here, I think your sister sees you as quite narcissistic. You seem very confident that, of all the gifts your mum will receive, yours will be her favourite. You also view any feelings contrary to an interpretation of you as confident or outgoing as jealousy.

Your sister has said she doesn’t have time to take part in helping you with your gift. She’s entitled to do that. You’re creating a memory book, not a court summons.

I’m guessing you have a history of badgering people to do things to make you look good.

Even if that were true, why would the OP's sister want to hurt her mother to make that point?

MN just enjoys kicking an op regardless.

ThatKookyBeaker · 31/05/2025 23:05

RedhairDL · 31/05/2025 22:55

Or it could also be that your sister just thinks that whole photo book thing is a bit naff and doesn’t want to contribute. I mean, respectfully, I wouldn’t purchase that sort of thing for my mum, and my mum wouldn’t really like that sort of thing either, she’d prefer a bottle of Chanel No 5.

Now your mum might love it and you’re clearly excited to do it for her, which is lovely. But if your sister doesn’t agree, I don’t think that makes her a cow. Just leave her out of it.

Oh fuck off 😂 No 90 year old thinks photo books are naff, that's just normal for them! I'm assuming you're very young and not aware that a 90 year old would have used photo albums most of her life. Though she still may be too trendy for old lady perfume like Chanel number 5!

MsTTT · 31/05/2025 23:05

Based on your posts here, I think your sister sees you as quite narcissistic. You seem very confident that, of all the gifts your mum will receive, yours will be her favourite. You also view any feelings contrary to an interpretation of you as confident or outgoing as jealousy.

Your sister has said she doesn’t have time to take part in helping you with your gift. She’s entitled to do that. You’re creating a memory book, not a court summons.

I’m guessing you have a history of badgering people to do things to make you look good.

Original poster

PIPERHELLO · 31/05/2025 23:04

Embarrassinglyuseless · 31/05/2025 22:59

Don’t put any energy there. Let her be a bit selfish about it - whatever is going on in her head isn’t your responsibility.

choose a couple of nice photos of her and your mum. Include them. Don’t make a big deal out of it + don’t drag your mum into any drama surrounding what will otherwise be a lovely gift.

take the high road. quietly.

Edited

Thanks, good advice. I think this is what I’ll plan to do.

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MiddleClassProblem · 31/05/2025 23:02

When you say kinda this sounds a bit like you’re going to say it’s from you but the implication is from everyone due to the messages. It does feel a bit like you are saying look what I got you or an even a look what I got everyone to do.

It might be that you have form for this. Doubt you’d admit that here but your wording doesn’t feel like you are saying it’s a gift from everyone. It’s not a we are going to give it to her vibe. It’s an I will give it to her vibe.

Sister’s side would be interesting to hear…

Embarrassinglyuseless · 31/05/2025 22:59

Don’t put any energy there. Let her be a bit selfish about it - whatever is going on in her head isn’t your responsibility.

choose a couple of nice photos of her and your mum. Include them. Don’t make a big deal out of it + don’t drag your mum into any drama surrounding what will otherwise be a lovely gift.

take the high road. quietly.

RedhairDL · 31/05/2025 22:55

Or it could also be that your sister just thinks that whole photo book thing is a bit naff and doesn’t want to contribute. I mean, respectfully, I wouldn’t purchase that sort of thing for my mum, and my mum wouldn’t really like that sort of thing either, she’d prefer a bottle of Chanel No 5.

Now your mum might love it and you’re clearly excited to do it for her, which is lovely. But if your sister doesn’t agree, I don’t think that makes her a cow. Just leave her out of it.

Original poster

PIPERHELLO · 31/05/2025 22:53

SalmonEile · 31/05/2025 22:42

I think then just carry on with the people who did contribute

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Yes…I’m planning to do just that…I suppose it just makes me sad that she won’t particularly because it’s me, even despite the bigger picture of it being mum’s big birthday.

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GAJLY · 31/05/2025 22:52

44PumpLane · 31/05/2025 22:23

Find a couple of photos of your Mum and your sister, where your sister looks ropey and include them! Then when she complains just tell her she had her chance to send over some that she liked and that you think she looks lovely in the pics 😂

This is a perfect response!

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PIPERHELLO · 31/05/2025 22:51

ShortyShorts · 31/05/2025 22:43

It's an absolutely lovely idea but the gift isn't from you.

It's from all of you and should be framed as such.

Perhaps she'd be more onboard if you gave it as a gift from the family, as that's what it is?

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That’s kinda how it will be framed. And it will be obviously from everyone had they’ll all have their messages included etc. U think she can’t cope with even the fact that I might hand it over to mum. 🤦‍♀️

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PIPERHELLO · 31/05/2025 22:50

alcoholnightmare · 31/05/2025 22:44

Does your sister not want to do this for your mum for a reason related to her and your mum?
Or, has she always been left out by you and your mum and she’s done with you both?

Neither…she gets on fine with mum, but hates my guts! I think she’s always had issues with the fact that I’ve been more confident and outgoing than her, and this is how it manifests…sadly.

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PIPERHELLO · 31/05/2025 22:49

knittasgonna · 31/05/2025 22:45

I'd be annoyed, but because it's a gift to celebrate your mother, I wouldn't resort to any pettiness. Do what you think would make your mother happy. For me, that would mean including nice photos with your sister in them, too, and doing whatever else you can (short of lying) to make it less obvious that your sister didn't care enough to do this easy, nice thing to make your mother feel special and loved.

Yes…that’s exactly what I’m doing. I think I just needed to vent as I just want to shake her & tell her what a selfish cow I feel she’s being.

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knittasgonna · 31/05/2025 22:45

I'd be annoyed, but because it's a gift to celebrate your mother, I wouldn't resort to any pettiness. Do what you think would make your mother happy. For me, that would mean including nice photos with your sister in them, too, and doing whatever else you can (short of lying) to make it less obvious that your sister didn't care enough to do this easy, nice thing to make your mother feel special and loved.

alcoholnightmare · 31/05/2025 22:44

Does your sister not want to do this for your mum for a reason related to her and your mum?
Or, has she always been left out by you and your mum and she’s done with you both?

ShortyShorts · 31/05/2025 22:43

PIPERHELLO · 31/05/2025 22:41

Yes, I think this is part of the issue. She doesn’t like the fact that the gift that may well mean the most to my mum will have originated from me. Jealousy, possibly?!! 🤦‍♀️
Incidentally, the book says ‘We love you’ on it - the implication being everyone! So I am trying to make it super inclusive. And the messages from everyone was part of this, too.

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It's an absolutely lovely idea but the gift isn't from you.

It's from all of you and should be framed as such.

Perhaps she'd be more onboard if you gave it as a gift from the family, as that's what it is?

SalmonEile · 31/05/2025 22:42

PIPERHELLO · 31/05/2025 22:37

Fair questions.

It is not - and I’m pretty sure about this - that she had a bad experience or childhood and therefore doesn’t want to participate. She’s got prior form with being an absolute bitch to me over the years, and to me it is clear that she’s just trying to undermine my idea.

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I think then just carry on with the people who did contribute

Original poster

PIPERHELLO · 31/05/2025 22:42

SalmonEile · 31/05/2025 22:37

Right and the people cheering on “find pics where your sister looks like shit and include them lol”
:-/ yikes

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i interpreted these posts as a joke!? I’m not actually going to do that! I’m just including nice pix of us all.

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ShortyShorts · 31/05/2025 22:42

Sadly, she has form here. She often doesn’t support me on this type of thing.

What other similar types of thing have you done that you've asked for her support with?

RedhairDL · 31/05/2025 22:42

Op, it really depends on any back story.
My husband’s sister tried to do something similar for their mum. She wanted photos and quotes off everyone to put into her gift.
She failed to consider that although my husband and his mum get on ok now, they aren’t close and in fact didn’t speak for about 7 years. My husband didn’t want to say lovely things about his mum that he didn’t think were 100% true and he would never have bought her this type of gift, and so didn’t want to be a part of it.
No he didn’t explain himself to his sister and yes he was called selfish and asked why he just couldn’t make the effort. He just ignored.

Original poster

PIPERHELLO · 31/05/2025 22:41

Overtheatlantic · 31/05/2025 22:38

Maybe she doesn’t like you centering yourself as the one who is organising the gift.

Yes, I think this is part of the issue. She doesn’t like the fact that the gift that may well mean the most to my mum will have originated from me. Jealousy, possibly?!! 🤦‍♀️
Incidentally, the book says ‘We love you’ on it - the implication being everyone! So I am trying to make it super inclusive. And the messages from everyone was part of this, too.

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Original poster

PIPERHELLO · 31/05/2025 22:39

Spirallingdownwards · 31/05/2025 22:33

I have a different point of view I'm afraid. My relationship with my parents was very different to that of my sister's with them.

This sounds exactly like the kind of thing my sister would do and I would probably also decline to participate on the basis of saying nothing is better than saying what I would really want to say. I wouldn't feel the need to contribute nor would I worry that my non participation may be noticeable.

Only your sister knows why she is choosing not to join in but perhaps she has a similar reason.

She may feel more comfortable giving a less personal gift in such circumstances.

Edited

Again, I think your thoughts are very valid. But no, she’s done similar sorts of personal gifts herself in the past so it’s not that.

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Overtheatlantic · 31/05/2025 22:38

Maybe she doesn’t like you centering yourself as the one who is organising the gift.