I just screamed 'Stop bullying my fucking kids' at my husband.

@thenoodlemachine what's the state of her room?

You were all screaming.

Why are you making yourself out to be the only one in the wrong?

You ALL need to stop shouting at each other. It’s not just a “you” problem.

Oh and neither is the housework. Your husband needs to pull his weight.

Thank you! It’s getting annoying, now. Woman reacts negatively to man being an absolute twunt…ah, must be the perimenopause. 😒

This. Is he angry he is expected to do more housework?

The most important thing in these situations is how you deal with the aftermath. Let everyone know that you are really sorry for losing it, that you didn't mean to make things even more fraught, and that it was clearly a day when everyone was feeling emotional - he was shouting, they were crying, you were shouting. Explain to DC it's not nice but it is normal for everyone to occasionally over react but what matters is to apologise and calm down and do something nice together to make up for it. Ask what they'd like and need.

IMO your DH should also be apologising and making an effort to restore calm and affection in the family, but you can only model good behaviour yourself and hope he picks up on it too.

The majority of us cannot see what you did wrong here. Your reaction to this is genuinely confusing me.

He was screaming, you snapped and asked him to stop…why do you think you are the one who made everything worse? Do you think it’s your job to placate?

You all sound like you shout and scream at each other.

Don’t make it your fault. It’s not a fault. Any mother would also need to raise their voice to defuse two parties shouting and crying at each other. That’s totally normal. You can’t do that quietly. It’s good that your kids saw you stand up for them.

ETA - the screaming and crying at each other is obviously not normal. But that is the problem - do NOT blame yourself for doing what you had to (successfully by the sounds of it!)

Your husband sounds like a bully, like he knows he isn't doing his share and tried to redirect the general anger on a 12yr old girl until she cried and kept going.

He was bullying them, you stood up for them, he needs to apologise.

Jesus Christ. Perimenopause is becoming the modern version of Victorian hysteria. It’s perfectly natural to have a breaking point when an angry man is upsetting everyone in the house, until they cry, that’s the manifestation of domestic abuse , not peri bloody menopause.

What's the background? Do you both work full time. Do.the dc take on the responsibilities that they should for their age?
Honestly it sounds like a divide and conquer situation.

Why do you think you sound insane? Is that what he’s told you? Because you really don’t. It sounds like he was bullying all of you!

Your kids were crying, he was shouting at them, I would have shouted at him too, and told him to leave the house and calm down. You've done nothing wrong OP, he was bullying them and you stood up for them.

You do not need medication you need a husband who doesn't shout and scream and infact does his fair share. Who died and made him king? Stop placating him and well done for standing up to him.

It sounds like he was bullying them!

I don’t think you sound insane at all. All three of you were upset by him for one thing.

I'm not sure what you're asking. I'm not going to condone screaming that kind of language at your husband in front of your children, if that's what you're expecting.

He was bullying them.

Perimenopause maybe? Hormonal changes can reduce your patience and tolerance. Don't beat yourself up, have a calm chat about what the changes you want to see.

Are they his children too? (Asking because you said stop bullying MY kids rather than OUR kids)

As others have said, I think this has been building up for a while and you've reached your limit.

You do not sound deranged, at least not to me! You sound like you've reached your limit. Everyone shouting and going at each other is enough to try anyone's patience.

You don’t need anything because you haven’t done anything wrong. Good for you for standing up to him.

Aww, that's awful for you & DC. Heart-breaking if it's a regular thing.

do you feel terrible generally?

If you take him out of the situation, is it normal for you to be feeling so bad?

bit concerned that you said you were screaming at him. Has a shouting dynamic evolved in your house? Is it the case that everyone needs to calm down?