I just screamed 'Stop bullying my fucking kids' at my husband.

He sounds like a lazy bully and a house terrorist.

I sincerely hope your children tell another adult about him so they may get support.

He sounds absolutely abusive.
Who screams at crying children.

Much less a man screaming at 3 crying women.

I think you have tolerated far to much bullshit from him.

Can he go to family for a few days, so you and your daughters have space.

This is absolutely toxic and I find it very hard to believe it is a one off.

You ask for him to pull his weight, his response is to verbally abuse his children.

Absolutely shocking behaviour. I really hope you take it very seriously and protect those girls.

Well you won’t keep badgering him to do his fair share of this is the impact it has on you and your kids, will you? This is how abusive men train you to shut up and comply with what they want.

He will “try” to do more “but it will be gradual”. Ffs. And who does it all while this grown man “learns” how to be an adult? You presumably.

Or the kids “I had been planning to get the kids to do that” - God forbid he cleans his own bathroom.

Then you are
insane
an apologist for male abuse

which is it?

Agree with this tbh.
My dh thinks helping round the house more means nagging the kids to do it. Well he did until I told him to pack it in.

I also grew up round a lot of shouting. I also lose it and shout like a banshee. Not regularly and now I'm on my anti bonkers pills a lot calmer in myself.

But, I did tell dh to leave my kids alone once- and don't ask me to choose because you'll be disappointed. Neither of us drink BTW.

Go out for a walk, take the kids, with or without dh. Talk it through. Teach the kids how do deal with this sensibly. No blaming- no taking the blame yourself .

Good for your ds for sticking up fir his sister. You need to praise him for that. And your dh needs to apologise to you all, fir being a dick.

I know, exactly, men minimising littering this entire thread. It’s not okay to scream and shout someone into a distressed state, it doesn’t matter how old or young they are. They were clearly frightened, that’s definitely not okay.

Jesus Christ I cannot believe the man-protecting on this thread. OP you are not deranged.

Your husband was bullying your child in order to attack you. He is angry that you are 'being critical' that he is prepared to exploit you in order to avoid doing his fair share of the domestic shit-work.

I'm sure he won't admit it but you must articulate it like that - do not take responsiblity for this.

You intervened in his shitty abusive behaviour in the only way that you could.

Fucking hell, no wonder women's position in our society is going backwards with so many of us policing on behalf of men.

I feel like I live in a parallel universe.
This woman was already chastising her daughter for not tidying her room (and sorry but given the myriad of issues I've encountered as a parent of teenagers pick your battles). Her husband, apparently having a rest, leaps up to start roaring at his 12 year old daughter. This is so awful that her 17 year sister comes yo her defence. He keeps shouting to the point where three females are in tears. This is absolutely awful, unnecessary and yes, bullying.
Why did he need to get involved?
Why did he start shouting at a 12 year old, and no, it's been filthy for a while is not a good reason to start shouting at your child suddenly.
Why did the older sister try to intervene?
I'm not surprised OP roared back at him.
I've been in that exact situation where I and my girls have been roared at by my "dp/oh" and the three of us ended up in tears. Because it's horrific and frightening. A man who likes to bully until his FAMILY are crying?
Mine is now my ex.

I don't know what 'real world' you inhabit, but if I shouted at my staff until they cried I'd get sacked.

If I shouted at some random stranger I'd fully expect a punch in the face.

What's the bet OP's husband doesn't go out into the 'real world' and shout at his friends and colleagues until they cry. Just his daughters.

I think what you did was a lot worse tbh

Is OK to shout at your child, if they have been repeatedly been told to do something that is their responsibility and not done it, even if they turn on the waterworks.(It is different it is for no reason).
That is what will happen to them in the real world. They will be disciplined for disobedience and laziness. They need resilience.

Maybe it will make them tidy up their bloody rooms. Don’t think it’s a disaster for parents to occasionally flip out we are only human.

You say their rooms are a disaster. At 12 and 17yo then it’s pathetic that it’s a disaster. I would be shouting at them too.

Absolutely. Teenagers can be real horrors. 😳

*followed by a reasonable conversation

I thought it was the 12-year-old with the messy room!

That said, whether children live in their parents' home or share a house with others, they should be able to have their room the way they like but it still needs to be kept tidy and clean. It’s a matter of basic respect for the people they live with.

Let’s be honest most parents have probably ended up shouting at their teenage kids to clean their rooms after asking nicely ten times with no result. Sometimes, they do need a bit of a wake-up call to snap them out of their self-centred daze. No, shouting isn’t ideal but neither is letting a mess go unchecked.

We don't know if OP has problems with her husband. She needs to have a calm and grown up conversation and lay it all on table. Shouting should be avoided but it happens.

Not sure I understand the crying part, or what happened there. If Op's husband is abusive she will have noticed before surely.

Given OP’s abusive childhood background, it’s possible she may lean toward permissive parenting. It’s understandable past trauma can make some parents more passive, cautious, or hesitant to enforce boundaries. Still, overly permissive parenting isn’t ideal, as children need structure and guidance to thrive and teenagers need boundaries and yes they get yelled at sometimes. As long as that's allowed by a reasonable conversation and apology and mending things it's part of normal life. Never shouting sounds extremely weird and repressed to me. Only shouting is abusive. Sometimes shouting is human.

It’s ok OP and actually this isn’t ur usual family life. Be kind to urself and use this as an opportunity to reset.

Hope you feel better today and you're getting the opportunity to talk through with your other half how unsafe you felt yesterday.

If not, therapy.

So been there... Sounds like a conversation needed with DH about how you want to parent together. If he can't have that convo (mine couldn't), you might want to think again.

Wow that's rude and unnecessary. The OP said "I have never screamed at anyone in my life. We have been together 20 years. I feel like I need to be on antipsychotics or something." I didn't say her husband was in the right AND I didn't say her reaction was wrong - I suggested a reason she might be reacting more strongly than she has before. If she has teenage kids it is quite possible that hormones are having an effect. Lucky you if you've never felt out of control due to your hormones.

OP, i feel so sorry for you.
You sound absolutely exhausted.
How dare he scream at 3 crying women.
What awful behaviour.

I think you need to start looking after yourself.

Lazy men often are angry at their partner for demanding they do more.

This is abusive. Have an honest think about your relationship.

He was very very wrong. Not you.

I'm adding my voice to both of these posts.

You (and by extension, the kids) are being punished for daring to ask him to pull his weight. Look up DARVO

Why is it OP’s job to ‘diffuse’ her husband’s loss of self control exactly?

You are now suggesting she medicates to prevent her very natural instincts to protect her own children from an angry adult male bully?

I think I have honestly heard it all now.

I had a few melt downs in peri and was def more angry and less tolerant of mess and noise. Low dose of citalopram got me through. Think I would be divorced by now without it. Ask your doctor.

Edit to add not minimising DH yelling, but if you are calm you can diffuse not inflame difficult situations.