I just screamed 'Stop bullying my fucking kids' at my husband.

Would be a good idea if you all sat down and agreed a cleaning schedule. Your dc and dh should be doing their fare share of tasks.

"YourOnMute · Today 10:57

I agree. What is going on in your house that you feel somehow you're at fault?
You lost the head and shouted at him AFTER he roared at your children (over bloody nothing) to the point where one child has to defend their siblings from him and you all ended up really upset??
What did you do wrong here??? I fail to see YOUR wrongdoing. Your husband however...."

I agree with the above poster, really feel your husband caused all this upset and you reacted due to it reminding you of your childhood. Glad you apologised to your DDs, did your DH apologise for his part which I think is worse, shouting at a crying child who had tidied her room?

Have I understood this correctly, you asked your DH to do more round the house and his solution is to tell/shout at the female children to do it?
What is he actually doing in terms of household work?

And *you're 😉😄

Don't beat yourself up, if you've never lost it before you must be a saint. When everyone calms down maybe all sit down and discuss it. Kids aren't innocent if their rooms are bad and you're having to get annoyed about them not keeping them decent. Maybe if there's a reason he's having a lie in it wasn't the best time to tackle it. He shouldn't be shouting at you all crying but he was trying to support you.

It isn't the end of the world and perimenopause can be tough. Confession time as I had an easy time with peri and menopause and was still capable of being a grump.

I agree. What is going on in your house that you feel somehow you're at fault?
You lost the head and shouted at him AFTER he roared at your children (over bloody nothing) to the point where one child has to defend their siblings from him and you all ended up really upset??
What did you do wrong here??? I fail to see YOUR wrongdoing. Your husband however....

You apologised to HIM and he was screaming at 3 crying women?

Your poor poor children.
This is so wrong.
You should have asked him to leave.

I hope you feel better this morning.
I can understand that the shouting triggered you and you panicked. Basically, your DH was being abusive to DDs and there are two choices here which is to submit or react. But your brain doesn’t think through the reaction rationally when you are triggered, it just wants the situation to stop. Which is what you shouted.
I also think you should be kind to yourself about this situation evolving. You have done nothing wrong in asking your DH to address the unequal distribution of household tasks. I guess my question here is how much is he actually doing and how much is he just on DDs case to do stuff. Have you all got a rota or chore list? Because it reads a bit like he is addressing the unequal distribution of tasks by getting on at the other females in the house to do it. I don’t know, I am a single parent so I do most things anyway, but one reason I am single is that I didn’t want my DC to grow up in a battle zone. My ex would have absolutely behaved like your DH. Not saying you should leave your husband, but he’s not rolling up his sleeves and getting on with it - you are being accused of ‘escalating’ things and he’s displacing his own frustrations about being called out on his laziness on to the DDs, so that’s partly also what you are reacting to.

Be a parent and stop freaking out, I would never have said anything like that to my husband and actually if he was at the end of his tether at a teenager not pulling there weight I can see why he was cross...Not how our marriage works we support each other in whatever is said to the kids and you would be lucky if you here anyone shout for the dog to get in other than that all peace when your on same page

Why is he allowed to shout but you're acting like you are the only one who crossed the line?

He doesn't sound like a peach. Who keeps shouting at their crying child over a messy bedroom?! Odd behaviour all round.

Are your daughters okay?

Doesn't sound as though anyone handled it especially well. Time to sit down and talk things through calmly before a toxic environment sets in.

I was coming here to say the same. I’ve always been a calm rational person. Menopause turned me into a raving, shouting lunatic. I was on HRT for a while which helped but I’ve come off it and seem to be through the worst of it x

And I'll also throw in the "your behaviour around housework is affecting the house". He's blaming YOU when you've done nothing wrong.

The thing that stood out was that you said he got angry that you cleaned the bathroom. So what? Clean something else, or hoover, laundry or the multitude of other jobs that need to be done. Why is he "blaming" you for cleaning a bathroom??
Then you say he has to get up to stop you having a wobbly. Does he say to you I had to do X to stop you from doing Y?? So he's blaming you for his behaviour (i.e. you made me). You haven't indicated anything that suggested you were having a wobbly until your husband started shouting at all of you...and I don't blame you for that.
Plus your daughter's room was clean??
Does he often blame you and your children for stuff? Does he tell you you're going to react a certain way or he has to get involved because you're "incapable" somehow?
All of his behaviour sounds bullying tbh. I hope you're ok.

Oh don’t be silly, there isn’t a parent on earth who doesn’t occasionally lose it with their kids!

It sounds to me as if he was stressed over your daughters not tidying their rooms, he lost the plot and then you proceeded to do the same.
Your daughters need to take responsibility for their bedrooms.

You reached your limit. He should not have been transferring the parents frustration to the children aggressively.
I don't understand why some men square up and roar with children.
If he is a decent man, he'll understand that you are frustrated.
It is help you need, not more aggravation.

And that my attitude re the housework is affecting the family psychologically.

By that does he mean asking him to pull his weight?

So rather than HIM tidy the bathroom he is trying to get the kids to, shout at them and blame it on you

The thing is, the bedroom was tidy at this point. 12 year old was not refusing to tidy it.

So why was he even shouting and what was he shouting about? It feels like there is information missing from your posts as to why this all spiralled, but from your last post it sounds like you've asked him to do more and to supervise the kids cleaning more, and he's getting annoyed with you because you are then stepping in and either doing the chores yourself, or instructing the kids before he does?

None of that explains why he was shouting at the 12 year old after she had already tidied her bedroom, so what was he actually shouting at her about??

Why’s he making your daughters clean the mbathroom? Why can’t he do it?

Does he think it’s women’s work?

I'm going to tell that to my boss when I'm given a new task at work. 'I'll try but it's going to be a gradual thing' 🤣 what a tosspot.

All very unnecessary. Get a cleaner or share the cleaning of the house equally between you h, you and your 17 year old. The 12 year old should do chores such as stack and empty dishwasher and keep her room reasonably tidy.

If this is a one off, hold a family meeting discussing how to divide work if your h has form for bullying behaviour ditch him.