Aibu to feel like an embarrassment to DH and my family?

Thank you - but look what you’re doing. You’re bringing your girls up very differently to how you have been brought up. You’ve broken that cycle. You work hard and are a kind and generous person. Unfortunately we can’t force other people to see us how we want to be seen. But what we can do is know that they are wrong, and their opinions are not the truth. I hope you can focus on what you’ve achieved and what really matters - and not on unpleasant, thoughtless comments.

I take it both of these wonderful male specimens are in the running for 'Sexiest Man Alive.'

These two men don't sound nice at all op. Sending you some virtual agree with pp that "if" your dad said these things then your dh shouldn't have told you. Your dh comment about your eyebrows was completely uncalled for. Very telling that your mum has Anorexia could this be down to your dad?

Obviously your family have a huge issue with weight urgh. Your dh is a bit of a twat repeating the convo and and making you feel crap

Think of all the things you've done for these two op, all the ways you have sacrificed for them and accomodated their emotions, how kind you've been over the years, how much energy you've put into them and the relationship with them, probably at your expense many many times and this?! This is how they repay you.

They're a pair of bastards that deserve no more of your grace.

I’m from a family where of 5 kids the rest are all very thin and I am pretty overweight. At times it does feel crap but none of them would ever talk to me/about me the way your dad apparently did. Also, since having kids I’ve been able to care a lot less - I look at myself as so much more than just my ability to hit a perfect ideal of youth and beauty. Doesn’t mean you can’t do things to make you feel better for you eg I absolutely dye my grey hairs away.

I’ve lost about 20 pounds but need to shift another 20. I often don’t get round to colouring my greys quickly enough. My father had never made any comment about my appearance, but if he did, my DH would not have casually repeated it to me and added one of his own.

I would tell your H that you do not appreciate what he has said, and I’d ignore your F. I wouldn’t bother calling him. When he calls you I’d tell him that he can keep his opinions to himself. Or, if you prefer, select one or two points about his appearance and hit back hard with them

I’d be tempted to ditch your DH and ignore your df.
Unless they are both sex gods, they can gtf asap.

This 👆

It's quite telling that it wasn't a comment made in concern about your stress levels or health in general and how they ( 2 men in your life ) could help you, no, no just pure superficial judgement.

You are not the person with the problem here op except these men and their awful attitude to you.

I think you would benefit from some therapy to help build your self esteem and develop ways you can put some boundaries in place to help you manage these selfish awful men.

Judgement like this - from people who are supposed to love and respect you- is so toxic and ‘corrosive’ as you say. You poor poor thing. Well done on trying to protect your children from such superficial shit.

I’m not impressed with your husband for reporting such horrible comments back to you.

Your dad plays golf, that's all I need to know to ascertain that his opinion is not worth listening to.
My suggestion to you is to tell your dad and your husband to eff off.

What on earth is wrong with your Dad, talk about nasty. 😡

The only justification I can think of for his comments is if you've been under a lot of pressure lately/ working particularly hard and you could be looking overtired and stressed. Is that possible? Regardless, he's made a hash of expressing his concern.

You look after yourself and if you have been overstretched lately, start pulling back and prioritizing yourself. Perhaps you'll be less available to your parents?!

I cannot imagine a parent saying such horrible things about their child, and to their spouse. If he was genuinely concerned about your health, he'd have a discreet word with you.
And your husband sounds equally dreadful ☹️.

Your dad says horrible things about the way you look to your 'd' h and he just casually repeats them back to you? If that was my dh he would have gone absolutely nuclear if someone spoke about me like that. You've got a problem for sure, but it's not your appearance it's the joker you've married!

I'd rethink how much you want dad and h in your life.

And yet it’s women who are stereotyped as mean and bitchy. Your dad sounds like a deeply unpleasant and misogynistic dickhead. Your husband needs to learn that he doesn’t need to voice his opinions about other people’s (your) appearance unless specifically asked to by them.

Sorry about your family problems and dynamic. The problem is them. And your H.

Others in RL won’t be looking at you with such critical eyes/own crap in their heads.

That's really horrible of both of them.

Did you ask your husband when is he doing his eyebrows?

Oh OP, I'd be upset too, angry upset. How dare they? That is no way to speak to (or about) any one, let alone your loved ones, even if genuinely motivated by concern, your Father and Husband are totally out of order and really unkind x x x x

Haggard AND bloated? FFS it sounds like utter spite, uncalled for and plain rude. And to criticise your eyebrows is pathetic baby bully behaviour. I know this must be painful and hard to ignore, but you will have an army of M friends urging you to do just that. These men feel inadequate, that is the simple reason they are picking on you. You are better.

Wonderful, isn’t it, being part of a looks/weight obsessed family? 🙄
Sympathies.