Aibu to feel like an embarrassment to DH and my family?

Unless your father has form for saying such things about/to you or you literally heard those words out of his mouth yourself, I would not be so inclined to believe he actually said any of that, Or if he did voice some concern, that your husband hasn’t embellished it.

I take it your husband no longer looks the way he did at 25? Perhaps it’s time to start critiquing his appearance and any improvements he could make.

I presume that you have been kind and supportive to your DH through his cancer journey and treatment? What a way to repay your loyal wife. I would be so angry with him.

As for your dad, there are no words. There is obviously a completely fucked up dynamic about women's weight in your family. I would tell your DH that you are disgusted that he thought it was appropriate to pass on your father's criticisms about your appearance which don't even make sense as, to me, haggard means thin and drawn, so I'm not sure how you can be haggard and overweight at the same time.

Tell your DH that you have worked really hard to protect your own daughters from your family's negative and dangerous attitudes about weight only for him to parrot your dad's ridiculous opinions. Ask him what he thought that would achieve.

No useful advice but adding to the voices agreeing
-why do men feel free to comment on any women's appearance
-these men are meant to be the ones who unconditionally love and support you
- your value does not lie in how you look

• well done for doing it differently for your daughters

Check your BMI against the NHS chart, if you're in the healthy range you're fine.

If you're outside the health range, get inside it.

Appearance has nothing to do with it.

Has your dad always been a cunt?

Seriously, I’d be reading him the riot act.

Sympathies for your dad's comment - my dad similarly makes comments implying that I'm huge compared to my mum (which I am now! But she hardly eats anything for various health reasons. I don't need dad to point it out though! Also he has made those comments all my life, including when I've had a lovely figure)

Do you think after your dad's comment that DH was scrutinising your face trying to work out what may have caused him to say it and hit upon "eyebrows"? If so, it's a very minor flaw to find so in a strange way may indicate that actually you are looking fine!

Gosh OP, you're blessed to be married to such a perfect specimen, and have a kind and caring father to boot.

I'm sure you could point out some of your 'concerns' re their appearance and personalities just to balance things out 😇

I'm sure you look lovely but even if you are a little "haggard and bloated", what woman isn't, sometimes? We carry the weight of the world on our shoulders and frankly the way we look is the least important or amazing thing about us. So definitely tell your husband you're handing stuff off to him so you can free up time for a little self care, if you want to make yourself feel and look better for your own sake. But that's what needs to come first - time for you. If you're looking unwell it's because other people aren't pulling their weight, so make it a 'them' problem, not a 'you' problem. And if you decide you don't GAF that you're looking a little rough around the edges lately (if you even are), then that's great too, you don't need to care about how any bloke thinks you look.

Gosh my dad would never ever say anything about my appearance to my dh. This is so inappropriate and wrong. No wonder you are feeling upset.

Hi OP.i have a similar family and have been a size 16 at five foot 8 nearly my whole life and have been made to feel like an elephant for most of it. It has really made me step back from my family tbh.

The question is how do you feel about yourself? I’m a similar age was overweight and thought I looked ok. Then I had a long hard look at myself, I wasn’t particularly happy and realised how looked was probably part of it. I’ve now lost 3 stone, I can walk into any clothes shop and find nice clothes that fit, have more energy and feel so much happier. If you’re happy with how you look then give them both 2 fingers! However my DH never once criticised how I looked but does say I’m much nicer to live with now!

I think I'd have snapped back with a "well I really feel like crap now thanks!" without thinking. Seriously, you need to let them know how they make you feel - especially your OH. If they don't care about that then they are a couple of sexist bellends

Don’t be ridiculous.

Your husband should have shut your idiot dad down, there and then and supported you. Not passed on the cruel comments and added in one of his own. Prostate cancer is no excuse for nasty behaviour.

Ignore the pair of them and hold your head up high, as the great woman and role model you are for your girls.

This.

Pair of cunts 😡

I'd be incredibly upset they said that, but would have told both of them to fuck off. I assume they both look like Greek gods.

I'm severely underweight due to a medical condition. My wonderful beautiful best friends, who will admit to being overweight, enjoy their lives in a way I'll never be able to. They are confident, accomplished and simply lovely human beings.
My DPs are no longer here. DH would never makes me feel.awful or less than for looking so scrawny (my words).
Those who love us don't judge. You're protecting your teen DDs from AN. Surely your DF and DH know what that could do to their lives and if they carry on I'd be seriously considering my relationships with anyone critical of me or risking my DD's health.

I think Op how hurt you must feel, this needs calling out. How dare they be so mean? I would handle this by being extremely petty (and I am very good at this !) by thanking husband and father proffusley for their interest in my health and well being and on reflection you agree you have become slightly overwhelmed of late so you have decided to step back a little and dedicate some time to yourself based on their comments. Then I would go on strike and do sod all for weeks and give the mean,sarky fuckers something proper to moan and grump about. Whilst you are resting and regrouping as suggested by them nothing would shift me into helping them or indeed going the extra mile until I saw fit. Grrrr...they have well overstepped any remark by their meanness. Sort the pair of them out and don't stand for it. You deserve respect, nothing else.

It's interesting that you have a husband who talks to like this and also a father. If you had a father who was respectful and supportive I'm sure you wouldn't put up with a husband like that. Now that your girls are older, choices are available to you. Just saying!

I mean it’s not a place of love is it to say what her df said but also, and I think more importantly, for her dh to repeat it to her and add his own comment. Her eyebrows aren’t anything to be deeply concerned about. He was just being cruel.

Bollocks is it coming from a place of love!

Well they’re utter dicks

Other than that réalisation you need to treat yourself like you would a friend.

i GUARANTEE I’m fatter than you. Would you call me a burden or ugly or any of the other things you’re thinking of yourself? I bet you wouldnt!

im absolutely fat but that’s not the worst thing you can be is it? I’m generally funny and kind and a decent human being which is a/ more important and b/ more than your dh and df are.

I think after a certain age, looking good actually takes some effort and time (which many of us don't have). I think they are coming from a place of love, so my suggestion would be for your DH to free up some time to do things that you do, so you can spend some time on yourself and self care.

I think you need to determine exactly who said what to who, and why they told you

As pp have said it's terribly nasty od your dad to speak about you to your DH like that.
It's also nasty of your DH to tell you!

But what strikes me as pathetic is all he could come up with himself was your eyebrows need doing, I mean, wow, crime of the century or what?!

But it seems aimed at destabilising you, instead you should be supporting you and building you up.

I'd find it hard to get past this unless he genuinely apologised and recognised how bad his behaviour was.

You sound lovely and such an inspiration to your DCs 💐

I can’t imagine having a conversation like that unless I seriously thought they were very unwell and it was evident by their appearance.
Only you know if this came from a place of spite or genuine concern from your father / husband.

It sounds like a very hurtful thing to hear. If you are healthy, then really I think you should make clear to them how their words have hurt you. Or if you perhaps are not well, or could be unwell use this as a wake up call to seek help.