To find preparing 3 meals a day an absolute grind

Sensory issues don’t stop someone learning how to make their own breakfast and lunch - and if a child is old enough to chose vegetarianism they are old enough to do basic food

do you work ?

I'm just over meal planning and food prep in general with my 17&14yr old.

The amount of times I have been asked whats for lunch is unreal. Lunch is not a three course meal. It's a sandwich, some pasta, a jacket potato or whatever you can find in the freezer. It's not a three course meal and this isn't a restaurant or cafe.

Dinner is whatever I make and if you don't like it maybe suggest something else when I have asked you every friday what you want for dinners the following week so I can do the food shop and you reply with "don't know".

Op mentioned neuro diversity/sensory issues.

So no one apart from you can sort food. My 7 year old dgs can make cereal and toast.

Did op mention if she is working? If she isn't, or is part time, maybe this is why she is feeling obliged.

Sympathise with you op, it isn't easy. The tastes of my dcs are forever changing. I have to blend their pasta sauces so they get veg, one especially won't eat it chunky, even if tender. The little one will eat some buttery soft carrots, but you're talking a little bite, nothing substantial. I batch cook and prep a load of premade sauces in tubs, makes life easier, and eases guilt. I can stick on some pasta, defrost a little tub and know they're getting about 6 vegetables! Tonight it worked well, and dh and I had all of the veg with the pasta meal I made tonight, and the dcs had one of their sauces with theirs.

I always tell dh when dinner is ready, he won't eat much through the day, and would never decline it. That's awful, I wouldn't be cooking for your dh, if he is doing this. I'd tell him, "I'm making dinner for 5.30pm etc, are you wanting any?"

Key point here is how old are the kids ?
If they're older tell them they can cook their own meals if they have issues with food.
If they're younger do a batch cook and freeze portions.
And tell your husband you're not cooking for him any more if he's going to do this.
Having said all this it's only what our mums used to do every day without question. Only in my day you ate what was put in front of you or you went hungry. There were no issues around food .
They're so bloody precious now.

Why are you cooking 3 meals a day? Surely everyone is capable of preparing their own food, especially if they’re fussy. Just don’t do it.

They can do their own breakfasts and lunch. Let them choose a cereal each in the weekly shop along with sandwich fillings, yoghurts and a selection of fruit. Buy pre sliced cheese to make sandwich making easier. Cheese or ham sandwich with a yoghurt and fruit isn’t awful and I’d have no guilt about them having that every day! That should only leave dinners. Not massively exciting but to make life easier I’d agree a weekly meal plan that everyone is mostly happy with e.g. Monday omlette (choose your own toppings) with oven chips for the kids and salad for you and DH, Tuesday is a veggie pasta dish and fussiest kid can have it without sauce etc. etc. DH should step up to cook twice a week as/when it’s best with his work schedule.

What kind of pasta options will the child with sensory issues tolerate?

What about potato options? I notice they don't feature in your list of safe foods - wedges jacket potatoes, mash, roast potatoes etc? Rice? Noodles?

I was a child who didn't like mixed food because I couldn't handle finding a texture or a lump of some sort that I wasn't expecting. What fixed it for me was making/mixing myself things I wouldn't eat if someone else had made it. That way I knew every single thing that had gone in it and that nothing unexpected was going to make a random appearance.

I can still be a bit funny about things now - for example I wouldn't dream of eating a roast veg cous cous made by a shop or someone else but would happily eat one I had made myself. Might be worth getting the eldest involved in the cooking if that might help a bit with e.g pasta sauces.

I sometimes worry that my kids aren't getting enough protein so I hard boil half a dozen eggs every few days and they are directed to those for snacks along with apples.

What would your ideal meals be if you didn't have to worry about anyone else?

Vegetarian can research meals that everyone can eat and depending on age, cook a bit or at least meal prep. If restrictive diet child is on it for medical reasons fair enough but if just picky, they eat whatever the meal is or whatever part of it they choose. Husband can cook a number of times a week.
Meal planning gets me down too sometimes but you are adding to your burden by accepting this situation. It is in your power to change this. Be assertive, tell everyone what’s happening and give them enough notice.

I do double batches of the following and reheat:

Soups
Chilli
Bolognese (ubiquitous on MN haha)
Mashed potato
Couscous - eat it warm, then do a salad out of the leftovers
Jacket potatoes
I also do boiled new jerseys, then I have them in the air fryer for lunch with a bit of oil

I feel your pain op

My approach is to keep it simple, which is easier for me, because I do 99% of the cooking!

So it's a lot of soups, stews, pies, cook once eat twice meals (i.e. chilli and rice one night, chili wraps the next).

DH loves bbqing so he'll do a steak/chicken fillet/skewer or whatever and I'll do a salad/sides.

I used to love trying new recipes, now I just CBA

If you could all sit together weekly and plan the meals together, then you could batch cook on the weekend with everyone's help/on the day with the kids help.

Breakfast and lunch can be really easy/simple.
Dinner a bit more tricky.
Do you work?
I hear you OP. I used to love planning meals, preparing them. Now it’s just a horrible grind.

Totally agree with you! This is pretty much what we had when we were kids - and typically mum would cook things that would work for a couple of meals - just add a load of veggies/salad (and a bit of bread and butter if still hungry).
(Mum was a mega star - she would often make a pudding of some kind - but that was easy stuff like apple crumble/pie depending on what was in season...always from scratch - and she had a full time job running her own company - total legend!)

I agree with you. If I'd told my parents I was vegetarian when I was 8 I would have been told to make my own meals, or pick out the meat bits from whatever it was mum had cooked. There was no way I would ever have expected her to cook a special meal for me/my siblings. It's crazy how many parents go down that route these days (putting to one side the issue of actual medical issues like food allergies etc).

Unless kids are under 6 surely they can shake a bit of cereal into a bowl. Lunch can be a sandwich or wrap and an apple. Cook once a day. Personally I'd cook one meal a day with protein whether that be chicken breast/Quorn fillet, with carbs be that potatoes/rice/pasta/couscous and vegetables x 2. Serve with a bit of French stick and they can choose to eat or leave. Next day served pizza with meat/vegetable topping and a salad. They eat it or leave it. Give fruit or yoghurt for dessert. Same each day. Chose one meal plus veggie option to go with it and serve. The longer you run around cooking various meals the more they will expect it. As a back up have home made vegetable soup for lunch once or twice a week everyone can eat with crusty bread.

I would have sympathy with the ND child wanting something plain/restrictive. But I’m guessing they’d probably be happy with the same simple meals day in day out. Maybe you could batch cook or pre prep multiple identical meals for them and it takes away the thinking?

Vegetarianism would get short shrift here - especially at 8 years old! - and so would DH food hangups.

I never cook breakfast, it’s cereal toast or yoghurt, plenty of options for toppings/nuts/seeds etc

If your child is old enough to decide they are vegetarian then they are likely old enough to be able to figure out their own breakfast and lunch, and certainly old enough to be putting their dishes away/in the dishwasher/washing up/tidying up after themselves.
Sounds like the restrictive eater doesn't have allergies- they are just picky. The picky stuff tends to go by the way side if they are hungry. If they are a bit all over the place in the morning then you need to have them go to bed half an hour earlier, and wake up half an hour earlier so they have the time to get squared away: prep the school lunches the evening before: sounds like they eat sandwiches so that's incredibly easy to make - just put them together all at the same time, put them in lunchboxes and put them in the fridge for the morning.
As for breakfast food: Again, just give them a choice of two cereals and have some bananas/apples there. If they haven't eaten anything then send them to school with the fruit. If they are hungry they will eat it.

Sounds like for the most part the members of your family can sort out their own breakfast and lunch. Over school holidays make life easier for yourself and put together a few tupperware boxes with pre-prepared salad ingredients/sandwich ingredients in them - so you/they can assemble whatever salad or sandwich they want for lunch. If you prep a load of stuff on monday then you don't have to keep doing all of that prep work throughout the week. They can make their own salads for lunch. And help you do the prep work. And they can put their own plates away.

As for dinner: Cook whatever it is you want to eat. The vegetarian can either eat what you've cooked or can sort themselves out. Same goes for the picky eater. And they can all help you tidy up! You don't have to be cooking from scratch each evening - a roasted chicken, for example, will be enough for a few meals. As will something like a vegetarian lasagna. If they are picky and don't like it then too bad.

One evening meal, with two options take it or leave it. Presume the fussy eater won't end up as fussy. And if the veggie doesn't like it the third option, make your own.

School dinners for the DC?

Can sympathise- 10 year old DS2 is possibly autistic and certainly isn't as eager to get stuff for himself as his brother was at that age. I got him helping himself to muesli for breakfast nicely, but then he decided porridge was the only thing he wanted, and he's a way off being able to make that for himself. Still, last weekend I came downstairs to find him toasting himself a bagel, which was quite the leap forward.

They can do their own breakfast and lunch. Dp should also be cooking a few nights a week. You're being a martyr. There is no need to pour over recipe books and produce 3 meals a day from scratch.

Yes, yes, yes, yes! The planning (what's nutritional? what does everyone like? when does it need doing by? does someone need something light because of evening activities? etc etc), shopping, preparing, cooking, cleaning... it's totally knackering. And no one seems to appreciate what a task it is.

I'm exploring doing a massive batch cook and storing a bunch of meals in the freezer. Someone recommended these: https://www.tamingtwins.com/slow-cooker-dump-bag-recipes/ which look good, and easily edited for tastes. I don't yet have a slow cooker, so haven't tried.

I wonder if you can prepare your elder son's restricted meal as you prepare lunchboxes in the morning, so that you're only cooking once in the evening.

Meals with lots of components (that can sit in the fridge, be brought out a couple of days in a row) could work, so everyone can pick the bits they want.

More importantly, can husband take on a couple of days?

I agree that even the simplest meals take consideration, time, effort, washing up...

I think you need to find ways to share the load. DH needs to take responsibility e.g. for all breakfasts and 2/3 dinners a week. Or he does everyone’s lunches while you are sorting out breakfasts. Kids are definitely old enough to do some helping too.

Given all the diet restrictions, I would make a weekly meal plan so that Mondays are always cheesy veg pasta with real or veggie sausages; Tuesdays are always baked potatoes with veggie chilli or whatever. If you have a day where you feel like mixing it up, you can, but you can always stick to the routine and nor give it headspace.

I utterly despise food shopping, meal prep and cooking. I feel you. And there’s only two of us 🤣